Men - No Sex for months?

Posted by tnt (Nov. 17, 04)


Help ! My guy doesn't seem to be interested in sex. I dont seem to be getting enough of it. Well havent had it for months now! He has usual excuses: tired, sleepy, tired again, too much stuff in his head. Well i'd like to think those kinda excuses usually meant for something, either medical problems or having an affair. The second one seems to be impossible as he come home on time, spend time with me all the time during his spare time. Medical wise..i'm not sure. Brought this matter up some time ago regarding could it be due to medical reasons but he wasnt bothered at all, in fact he gave me a cold shoulder.....this attitude telling me that he couldnt care less about my needs! Or..he could be too ashamed or shy to talk abt this although i've tried to be very careful not to step on his toes - still... he'll just keep quiet.


My questions to you all:

is it possible for men to be in a r/ship but not into sex for like several months? Do men happy with just releasing off himself during shower only or during whatever his private time.

tnt

(Nov. 17, 04)


And what should I do to tackle this problem?

Because I have needs!! It drives me crazy for not getting it for months.


HKNewcomer

(Nov. 17, 04)


how old is your man?


snowprincess25

(Nov. 17, 04)


read an magazin article about it some time ago - seems to be quite a frequent problem nowadays...


tnt

(Nov. 17, 04)


he's in mid 30's.


snowpea

(Nov. 18, 04)


If he's not having sex with you, he's not that into you.


ericjokesing

(Nov. 18, 04)


maybe he is getting it from somewhere else, let it be masturbation, rub & tug parlours, etc....


balzac

(Nov. 18, 04)


spend some money, go for a couples spa weekend or something. Give him some time.Maybe he is really exhausted.maybe underlying medical problem which is yet unknown. He he taking any hypertension medication?


zelda

(Nov. 18, 04)


how about oral sex? Does he respond to it?

If he cannot get an erection during oral sex, the problem is definitely

medical.


disturbed mind

(Nov. 18, 04)


how old is your guy? are you married? how often do you see him in a week? it is not possible unless he is getting it from somewhere else. especially if he is not above 50, a man needs regular sex at least once a week or so. i had a similar problem until i caught my boy friend seeing another woman. please be careful, man does terrible things sometimes. they only regret it after being caught or pretend to be. be cautious and alert. it saves you lots of tears and pain. good luck


sp517

(Nov. 18, 04)


Since he is tired & sleepy most of thetime I think that his mind is too busy with other things. You could try to have sex as soon as he goes to bed at night or just before wakes up in the morning. Let him lie down and relax while you do your part on the top. You should better not to ask him to work for you unless he is willing to. So you may have to work hard for satifiying yourself. Even though he does not like to play, it's better you do it for him. I am sure he will show a bit dislike in the start but after while he will support you. As I said you may have to do everything in the start including to wear a cap for him and etc , but after he is arouse he will lik it for sure.


Try and see the results yourself, I am sure this will work you two. But do not upset for playing alone. Adjust your mind and do a bit of imagination when you do so.


Good luck!!!


chiki

(Nov. 18, 04)


Don't pressure him too much tho. It only makes things worse.

If I were you, try this:

Get really sexy and try to initiate sex with a relaxing massage and stuff (try to do this a bit early - not too late cuz he may get tired from work or whatever tires him) and then if and when he says no thank you to sex (give him alot of foreplay beforehand!!!) DO NOT POUT and ask him sweetly and nice (be SINCERE) and ask him if anything is troubling him. Reassure him that you are there for him and always willing to listen and help out if you can.


Hopefully he'll tell.



(On the other hand - maybe he is insecure? Does he have any reason to be angry with you or something like that? Also consider that he may not be seeing any other ladies but perhaps he has a very VERY CLOSE GUY 'Friend'??? )


Good luck!


tnt

(Nov. 19, 04)


ericjokesing ---> yes i believe he does release himself during his shower.


balzac ---> no he doesnt take any kind of medication at the moment since he is the kind who would refuse to see doctor for any kind of reason.


distrubed mind---> we live under the same roof.


yes i agree with most of you saying that there is possiblity of him channel his crave or needs to somewhere else. but i have been keeping my eyes on him very closely to this issue, i just dont see him having an affair because he come home on time and every time he has to stay back late in office i will call his office number in which he stil pick up the phone.


but then guys are very cunning, they could do whatever sinful thing even if only 30mns time extra time they have. i'm watching him closely for his activity between the time he finished his work and the time he come home. who knows.....he could just go to those sleaze/sex parlour for 30mns right after work and head home afterwards.


some of you suggested me perhaps i can work out my own way on him in order to have sex but this is the main thing that i hate it so much. all these years it seems like only me who always initiates the moves, always me the one who gotta make the efforts, kissing etc, and i'm left untouched while i do the work! i've had it. i want him to start to be a man, a man who knows how to treat a woman ya know. he wasnt like that when we werent live together.


indeed recently he's been stressing out with his work and our r/ship tension. well i do have my fair share too. i know from my other guy friends no matter how stress you are - being a guy you still gotta release it. what i dont understand is: dont tell me he can just masturbate and releasing himself during shower for all these times?


jaystone

(Nov. 19, 04)


If he is at all committed to the relationship- a rub / tug girl or shower relief can never take the place of an involved partner. Sounds like you need to confront him- our find something on the side, which could be interesting!


Bumpy Dog

(Nov. 19, 04)


disturbed mind - I'm sorry but it's simply not true that all men under 50 need sex once a week or so.


tnt - it doesn't sound like he's having an affair. But he doesn't seem to care about your needs at all which must be very hurtful. I suggest you try and talk to him again as it's obviously driving you crazy - perhaps he doesn't realize quite how much?


chiki

(Nov. 19, 04)


... hmm maybe he caught something from his 'on-the-side' partners and doesn't want you to find out? That may explain the happy showers...


Monster

(Nov. 19, 04)


sorry to be a drag but are you sure he's not taking drugs. try everything and if nothing works find a new man. you deserve more


ms luck needed

(Nov. 19, 04)


dear tnt, i could emphatise wif u as i'm also in the same situation. my hubby treats me well, dotes on me and the kid but he could 'survive' months w/out sex. brought up the issue but to no avail, ends wif reasons like tireness, medicine he's taking (he's got typhoird) i do hv my pride too.. in my 30s.. n feel like a 'widow' already if u know wat i mean.. perhaps we could talk juz to throw/share our frustration.. (sigh)


tnt

(Nov. 19, 04)


yes i'm sure he's on medication because he doesn't even like to take aspirin when he's sick. he's one of those who just hate taking medications.

our r/ship has been tough indeed, but i just couldnt get it... a man can survive without sex for months even if he's under stress?


tnt

(Nov. 20, 04)


sorry typo. i meant " he is not on medication..."


whatif

(Nov. 20, 04)


Have you considered the possibility that he might be gay?

Hi I have the same problem with my husband. He is not just interested, I tried my part, hugging himg and kissing him. He turns his back. I did confront and it ended up in arguments. He says he doesn't want to have children as well!Could it be the reason?May be a fear that I may get pregnant?

I am really tired of this.I am sure there is no other woman and he does it by himself. Is this normal?

Sometimes the sex drops off cos you are both so comfortable and more friends than lovers. Not a bad thing as such. The tired thing...well - I get that. I am always so tired that I am not really in the mood for sex cos it is physical. Talk to another fellow about what you should you say if you want to bring it up with your man...another guy will give you the guy's perspective too and will suggest how to talk about it without saying the "wrong thing" - not that you wouldnt know what to say but some men can be rather sensitive about the sex questions and he may see himself as a failure. All the best.

sad to read the diff postings fr married women abt not getting sexual needs met by hubbies. just spoke to a married friend who has a kid, she just told me they have not had sex for 3 yrs! her husband always said he's tired, he has no sexual urges etc. So after a while, she got so pissed, thinking "why must i beg him?" that they stopped talking about this. We are still speculating whether it's a physical prob/ whether he has a mistress/ he visits massage palours.. but she got to a stage where she doesn't care anymore. Just want to divorce when her kid is older...sigh


Sometimes i think men can be real sly and selfish. I suspect some men, get tired of routine sex at home, and will start to look for fun outside. See jester's thread? And i believe, some men, may not even see that as a big problem, telling themselves " it's just sex/ its just a transaction" Once addicted to forbidden fruit, would he care about the sexual needs of his wife?


A few mths back, i realised my hubby also started to give me the slip in sex. He's tired, blah blah. I refused to just accept and let that evolve into a natural state. Told him, i dun buy the story that men in 30s into 40s have very low sexual urges. Less than 20s, yes, but cannot be nil or always not in mood??!! Told him, i have needs and am not going to stay in a sexless marriage. Sometimes when he's back from a trip, told him he must pamper me when he's back since i've been taking care of the house etc..Of course, such communication must be done in a tactically pleasing manner and not demanding way. And going on a holiday together helps a lot!


Unless the couple is in very bad relations, or unless the man really has a mistress or his needs satisfied outside, or physical problems/diseases, i believe man should respond -be it he is in 30s/40s/50s or even 60s!

I think it is really possible that men just don't feel like it for a long time. And I am sure that a lot of them do not feel the urge to find it somewhere else... I don't think that has to be a reason for this situation. I find that a very easy explanation and its definitely not always true.

My brother recently divorced. He did this because he loved his wife but that he had let her down for a very long time and he let her go. They got married 4 years ago and they looked like the loveliest couple in the world.Two wonderful people. Problem; my brother lost all interest in sex soon after the wedding. They are both 37 now. My s-i-l tried all kind of things but nothing worked. He went to a sex therapist in the end, he had an medical exam but there was no problem they could really find health or mind wise... He was just satisfied with no sex, just some hugging and kissing. He had not interest in other women sexually, he would look at them but not in a sexual way etc (all discussed at the sex therapist). Funny thing was that he did wanted children and so my s-i-l but of course the needed to do something.. Still didn't seem to happen and so she decided not to stay in the relationship longer and go her own way.

Strange thing is that he is now dating again, not sure though what he is telling these girls but hope he will be honest about the reason why he split up with his wife.

What if the boot is on the other foot? My wife is perfectly content with no sex... we're down to about once a year... if I'm lucky. I've never cheated, nothing on the side, and we're both under 40. I've tried talking about it, but I don't think anything will ever change. I've thought about leaving, but I'd miss the kids.


It's not just women being deprived....

It works on both ways – men & women alike. I am, for one, on the same fence as that of dd. I have been married for 10+ years with 1 great kid. I did not have any sex for the last few years. Do I think about it? Do I miss it? You bet. I am fit and healthy. The reason for not having sex is due to medical on the side of my wife. I respect that. I am not a brute and will not force the issue. My right hand is probably sore from regular “over-use” :-). I probably suffer from RSI @ Repetitive Strain Injury. Are there temptations? Are there opportunities? Plenty abound … and yet I have not chosen down the path of the roads less traveled. Scared? No experience? Timing? Perhaps. So, folks, …. it is not only the female species. We, the male species do suffer too...

Sexual interaction is craved by both sexes at all ages. If either sex is losing interest in sex, then it is a problem either physical or emotional. you cant just lose interest in something as bonding as sex.

Have you considered some other aspects to why he /she may lose interest in sex.eg

1- appearance wise- have you gained 100 pds since you last married, Havnt changed your style and look since high shool?.

2- bonding- do you have the same mood and love feeling you had when you married, or is something missing?.

3- activities- what activities you both enjoy and do,or is it the same picnic and annual dinner every year.

stress, money, work, family problem, or stressed over you, do you have bad habits.


I do think if you love your partner, you should take the first step.


if you think he is cheating or chooses to relief himself in the bathroom, then that means he wants sex, then why wont he have it with you ?.

You gotta be comfortable in your relationship and happy for sex to continue.

Hi ,

I'm sorry to hear that your man is not satisfying you sexually. I have a few tricks which I would like to share with you.


First of all, you should focus on your appearancce and body. Ensure that your face and body is well taken care of. Pamper your body ! When your body is beautiful and you are confident , men generally will take a second look at you. Don't forget your hair as well. If you have long hair , flunk it !


Next , once you feel confident about your body , you can try taking up exotic dance / lab dance or podium. This will enhances your feminity and sexy-ness.


As in how you dress is another important aspect in the eyes of a male species . Dress in a way , that reveal your assets , your curves etc !!!


( only try if you dare ) Lastly , if you are alright with the idea of genital pericing , u can give it a try . Ask your man if he is okie for you to have a clitoris pierce ( vertical / horizontal etc ) . Normally men get turn on with such a sexy idea !


I ask my boyfriend if I should get one ( eventhough I know I will ) and he got so turn on that ..... ( u know what I mean )


BE SEXY , CONFIDENT , FAMININE AND BEAUTIFUL !!!


DON'T FORGET !

My man has the same excuses all the time, tired, sleepy....etc, till I found out he was making love with another women. Man will do things very sneakily... you'll never know, even though we were togather everyday, he still managed to do it with others... online, meeting up, & once they have started it... you'd better do some investigation before it gets too late.

hmm... well my woman doesn't like sex much latley but that is because of stress related to work.. 12 hours a day 6 days a week doing facials is tiring.. the whole I need love speach falls on deaf ears but in the near future, I will bring her to Canada and see if a new environment helps.. also I think that will both of us having crazy working hours, we have no time to spend together and that the love is becoming habbit... not good... spend more time together... and as a man, i'm tired is BS.. I know guys who work like crazy all day and go home and have an entire afternoon with their wife or gf. To be even more blunt, I have seen guys go for a "massage" twice in one day then go home to their partner... spend time, look good, try to remember what it was like what you were dating.. helps... just my 2 cents

hello, it is very pitty to hear u do not have sex for many month. i can give u more sugestions. ui write to me , ok?

SEX DRIVE COME BY IT SELF,NO MATTER IF YOUR BUSSY OR NOT,TIRED OR NOT,SLEEPY OR NOT.REMEMBER THIS DAYS??? MILLIONS OF MAN GETTING ALL STAGES OF IMPOTENCE FOR JUST AS MANY REASONS BUT IT'S ALLWAYS!!! IMPOTENCE. IMPOTENCE BECAUSE HE HAS NO MORE INTREST IN YOU FOR WHAT EVER REASON (ANOTHER WOMEN,TO LONG THE SAME OLD,NO MORE ATTRACTION,NO MORE LOVE,OTHER).

IMPOTENCE,HE CAN'T HANDLE ANYTHING ANYMORE (WORK,PROBLEMS,TO LITTLE SLEEP,STRESS WHAT EVER).

WHAT EVER THE REASON IS FOR HIS IMPOTENCE,THERE IS ONLY!!! ONE WAY TO FIND OUT, T-A-L-K!!! UNTIL BOTH OF YOU KNOW ABOUT AND MOST OF ALL UNTIL YOU ABOUT IT.OBVIOUSLY HE IS NOT TELLING YOU THE TROUGH!!!

NO MATTER WHAT THE PROBLEM IS,THERE IS A SOLUTION!!!

SEPARATING!

MEDICATION!

TALK!

IMPLANT!

DID i FORGOT ANYTHING???