I have been in a LDR for 2 years. Actually my bf and I have been fantastic terms and we love each other very much (believe it or not) and we were planning to get engaged at the end of this year following by marriage probably at the beginning of next year. He even took me to pick out my ring. In my friends/familys eyes, he is THE perfect bf who is caring, kind, and all the good qualities you can think of.
Well so it all started that he got a new job in London that pays well but he has to work extra extra hard everyday. I myself, also got a new job that is very demanding. Before, we used to talk everyday at my lunch time (when he wakes up) for like an hour, and after work we talk again when he has his lunch. We managed this very well and seriously , we talked on the phone a couple of times a day almost everyday. We are very close and until we both switched job, things obviously changed a little, meetings, deadlines..
He met this girl who is in his business and is equally busy. He is the type who gets lonely easily (I knew this way before, but at my previous job, we also managed to meet more often because I was travelling tons) They obviously had some intimate time, which he confessed to me last night. He thought it was a one time, or few time, thing, but it wasn't. He enjoys meeting with her because she is fun. In a way I would say I could understand/relate because I am the same way too and I meet men every weekend when I go out, however, I would never go all the way to sleeping with them. I am not the best gf either but I guess you could say maybe I have a stronger mind and I know I just would NOT sleep with another guy but him, other things are more negotiable.
I was shocked and sad when I heard this news but almost accepted it right away. He is the kind of guy girls want and what am I supposed to expect in a LDR?? As long as he is with me at the end, I will put up with whatever sh*t I am going through right now.
He is confused with his own situation because his best friend and family don't approve his actions. He was just sick and tired of being alone ALL THE TIME and he does not even have that much private time because he spends most of the day at the office. He admits to me that she is not his gf and his long term plans haven' changed, he wants me as his wife and we had plans to have children and everything, but unfortunately his short term plans have shifted dramatically.
I said I would be willing to work on it if he would. I believe in us. I would forgive him if he would let it pass. I would like to emphasize, before this whole thing happened (1,2 months ago I believe), I was the one who was more emotionally INdependent in the relationship.
Maybe what comes around goes around, this is also the way I got him, it is also the way I lose him. But the difference is, when he and I started going out, he and his ex were in bad terms. But when he and this girl started seeing each other, we are in good terms. C'est la vie I guess?
I thought about flying to London next week but he said it will not help. I will arrive sad and leave sad... I guess that would be a short term solution. We had plans to go to Koh Samui over easter (that was when we were supposed to meet) but I mentioned it and it seemed like he wasn't sure anymore. He has f*cked up his private life badly.
On the other hand, he said his love for me hasn't changed. I believe him because he is not going out with that girl and she is like a temporary fix, or am I wrong? Maybe his love for me WILL change if I don't stop this sooner. But again, maybe I just let him play the field a bit until he gets bored and when their "relationship" dies? I have similar things and it worked for me. I am smart enough not to push a man into something he is not willing to do immediately.
Anyway, as you can tell, I am calm, heart broken, and needing advices. Please help me...
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strawberry_shortcake, i am so sorry to hear this has happened in your relationship.
honestly though, you sound like you know what you are doing, and you're doing it: riding it out, biding your time, not making dramatic scenes, and not pushing him to make a choice at the moment. you seem to love him enough to want to work it out, and you are smart enough to realize that any infidelity on his part was just a symptom of a larger problem.
the only thing i would add is to set a deadline for YOURSELF to move on. give it X number of days, weeks, or months (what can you endure, for the sake of your relationship?), before you call it quits and move on with your life?
it's small consolation but at least this happened before you got engaged/married.
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Voice, thanks for your advice..I did not expect anyone giving me advices on an early sunday morning. But I just cannot sleep.
I think the reason of his actions is because this year we have no solid plans to meet, unlike last year, we had planned meetings and were able to meet longer. Cos of our new jobs we kinda lost our directions and it was period when another person would be able to slip into our not-so-tight relationship.
I don't want to move on. I want him..I know he wants me. I will probably date a few men while I wait just to make it fair and make myself more emotionally stable (sounds strange maybe).
I think the solution of this is for us to end our LDR. I already checked flights to go to London for next week and for easter..if he approves I will go. I know if I stand in front of him, it would make it more difficult for him to leave me because he loves ME. am I being very silly?
Assuming I am right, LDR leading to loneliness leading to wrong-doings. Would it help if I fix the root of this problem? If he loves me as much as he claims, would I get him back if I try my best to go there?
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<:-) i too am unable to sleep in because of thinking too much about my own LDR, and recent events. but that's all in the other LDR thread (the massive one!).
i agree with your assessment that another person stepped in to fill the gap left by the disappearance of your regular communication and scheduled trips.
i think you should go to london and meet your bf face to face...but be prepared for either of two outcomes: reunion or break-up. i don't think you should wait for his "approval" - but you know him best. however, i think YOU want to go badly enough - so do. but just be prepared. also, be prepared if HE gives you an ultimatum, i.e. chuck your job NOW and let's get married and we live here in london.
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Sorry to hear this has happened to you. Just like vor, I think you should prepare yourself for all possible outcomes.
I don't want to discourage you, but I do believe now that everything happens for a reason. You can consider yourself lucky if that reason is the distance. There are cases when one of the partners has a new person because this new person has those qualities our partners seek for and which we don't have. And in many cases we simply don't realise that.
In your case, if he didn't have feelings to the girl, he would have been more than happy to see you fly there to be with him and would not have been confused as you said.
Wish you all the best!
So I agree with vor, fly there to discuss with him face to face being well prepared for different scenarios and be honest to yourself.
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Sorry to hear this has happened to you. Just like vor, I think you should prepare yourself for all possible outcomes.
I don't want to discourage you, but I do believe now that everything happens for a reason. You can consider yourself lucky if that reason is the distance. There are cases when one of the partners has a new person because this new person has those qualities our partners seek for and which we don't have. And in many cases we simply don't realise that.
In your case, if he didn't have feelings to the girl, he would have been more than happy to see you fly there to be with him and would not have been confused as you said.
Wish you all the best!
So I agree with vor, fly there to discuss with him face to face being well prepared for different scenarios and be honest to yourself.
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Voice- Actually why I never participated in the LDR event was because I was so convinced that my bf and I wil have achieve a positive outcome..
I think He would be more than happy for me to go to London now or in April(come on), however I believe he is afraid that if I go for a short period of time, it makes the whole situation even harder because he will end up being more confused. Of course he has feelings for that girl more or less... actually I have done something similar myself. I liked this other guy and we were always contacting each other and once in a while we met up. Over a few months the lust died down and it finally ended becuase we realised that our other halves are more important than each other. Do you think this happens often?
I have told my bf that I can leave my job anytime- despite that it IS good job- but I have my priorities- him. He seems to want me to live the way I have chosen (as oppose of "sacrificing" for him). But I do not see it as a sacrifice, more like a decision based on priority.
Yesterday I have came to the conclusion with him that I will wait for him, work together with him so he and I can reach our long term plans (we even talk about marriage and kids and stuff becuase we both would like to have a family). He became more enthusiastic and actually the phone ended happily with "I love you very much" and things like that. OK, you may think he is full of sh*t but I believe him, this was our goal.
To be honest with myself, I cannot imagine myself without him *tears*
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Not event, I meant thread, sorry.
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well congratulations then, you will have the outcome you want! he wants you to live your chosen life, and you are choosing him, so best of luck and keep us posted.
no one here has yet said that he is "full of sh*t". i think you're just feeling very emotional right now and need a good cry (understandably). so have a good long one, then dry your tears and start wrapping up your work in HK and prepare for your move.
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Voice- No, he wants me to live my chosen life, meaning having my own career!
I cried LOTS today in front of my best gf and it really helped lots. In fact tonight I saw a tarot reading (someone I have visited a few times and her readings have been extremely accurate for me and my friends) who advised me not to make any fast decisions because it may ruin things even faster. My bf is no doubt confused right now..so I should take it easy and not to give him any pressure, so I guess I will just do that.
Indeed I would still love to move there, but he has already told me over the phone today that it is not a good decision as he is busy (and will be travelling around) and is afraid that he will not be able to give me what I expect from him by traveling so far.
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oh i see. in that case, i would interpret his statements the same way you have. go back to plan A and set a deadline for yourself as to when to move on.
glad that you saw your best girl friend today. the tarot reader gave sound advice, not to act hastily. you have two years' worth of relationship to save.
can your bf visit you during his travels?
(btw there is another poster looking for a good psychic, perhaps you can refer her to your tarot reader)
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rats
20 yrs ago
strawberry- it seems your boyfriend is really messed up(sorry to be blunt girl) and is not ready for any kind of committment. That's why he said he was worried that he might not be able to offer what you are looking for by moving to London for him- it's too much a responsibility for him to handle, and prefers you staying in HK doing your work.
vor has said it all,pay your visits, talk to him and see whether he is not ready at the time being to start a new life with you in London or he simply will ever be ready because he doesn't love you enough. (Only the two of you know the truth). Is it possible for him to move to Hong Kong instead?
good luck!
vor-when strawberry's tarot teacher needs a good psychic? at least s/he is talking sense ;)
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Its so sad to have to set a deadline.. I guess I will date a few men meanwhile (If I can even do that..my mind is so not ready right now)
My bf only travels in Europe and doubt it he will be moving to HK. Our goal was always me moving there after we got married...now....sigh.
I think he is just not ready right now. He was ready for a long time and always calling me "wifey" and stuff and we wanted to have kids. You see why I am so upset now? Unachieved long term plans. But then he met that woman and they started meeting and then he all of a sudden realised that maybe he doesn't love me enough to resist. If we would have been next to each other then I am sure that it wouldn't have happened. He kept saying "Why am I so stupid?" but then still wouldn't wrap up his sh*t and move on..with me.
He called again last night, I did not pick up the first call and he said things like "yea just want to see how you are doing bla bla..thinking about you a lot". I did not return the call. He called again 2 hours later and we chatted a little bit, but just dumb chat like what did u do today kinda stuff. Maybe he still cares? :-(
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It depends what your standards are, and what you're willing to live with. It sounds like you're attached to an idea, rather than the person. If you want to settle for someone who not only may cheat on you, but has already cheated ... then it's your choice.
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One time cheater could be life-time cheater. Two words -- dump him
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rats
20 yrs ago
strawberry- it is not sad to set a deadline,it IS sad to linger in a bad/hopeless relationship and don't have the courage to move on.
well, hope it's not your case. Just go to visit your bf, talk to him and see how thing's gonna be.
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no matter what happens, you need face-to-face time with him, even if it will be your last. is your april trip still on?
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Of course April trip is cancelled :-( but I just found out today that I will be sent to London for 2 days in early April, which I have told him by SMS afterwards. He replied and said it would be a good opportunity for us to meet face to face. but then when I joked around and said "so am I allowed to have kisses?" he said "lets see, ok". I guess I asked for it huh. But it really disappointed me that after 2.5 years of a relationship, he might feel that he is doing something wrong by kissing me behind some bitch's back. I hope I am just making false assumption that he may not want to kiss/touch me.
It is indeed a tough time for me. But I tell myself, "other long term couples have done it too" when the decision is made, if I am the winner, then we can go back to our happy lives and move on to the next stage with our more mature relationship.
I know he is a cheater, I was a cheater myself. Actually we have broken up once at the beginning of our relationship, actualy same situation, but applied to me. I broke up with him to be with the other guy, but a month after the break up, he flew to a nearby country in Europe where I was located during a business trip. He really impressed me and got me back..although I kept seeing the guy in HK for another month before it really broke off.
I am secretly hoping that what happened to him will be what happen to me. We had a fantastic relationship during the 2.5 years and I am going to hold on to it as long as I can. If the relationship was(hate using "was") so bad on his side he would have broken off long ago with or without the person. Now even with a little sidedish, I am still the official gf.
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"I will probably date a few men while I wait just to make it fair..."
oy.
That's playing with fire...are you sure?
As far as "him doing something wrong by kissing you behind some bitch's back", maybe he's just grown to a point where he wants to be true to himself, and doing so means not stringing you along.
Or maybe not. But I hope he's grown enough to not string you along, and to let you move on to greener pastures without making you think there is something there.
I don't feel like you have something with him at this point. He feels like the past. I feel you should move on. Don't even touch base with him when you go to London.
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...i hate these "updates" and "clarifications" and "oh by the way i didn't tell you this" - totally negates previous advice /:-( grrrr
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ok forget the men thing, I wasn't that serious about it anyway... just sh*tty things to say in order to make myself feel better.
Voice I don't quite get what you mean? did I say something wrong? I apologise...
Anyway not much I can do at the moment, will relax a bit (try), let the thought sink in a bit (try), be prepared to lose it all. I will wait..
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Strawberry Shortcake - i'll cut you some slack because i think you are truly hurting and feeling very emotional at the moment. you're in a sad, tough situation, in an LDR no less. it's just that with each posting you reveal something of somewhat huge importance that changes or shifts the context in which other people give you advice and opinions.
for example, the past history of cheating (yours), and the words and actions which your bf is actually using/doing, vs what you originally posted. that sort of changes everything. in light of these new facts, what pumpkin, rats, and Stinkerbelle have advised and opined are more accurate: your karma has come back to haunt you, he has become non-commital, and it doesn't sound like you have any connection left - so don't waste your time seeing him again.
and - now i REALLY hate to say this - you've got to listen to the male posters (jay2004; and vic2430 - apologies, vic, if you are in fact a woman, i can't remember from other posts). i may not agree with their views, but i assume they speak from experience.
i understand what you mean about hoping that maybe it's your turn to chase him and get him back, the way you say he did for you when you cheated...but that's very risky, as he won't even respond positively to your affectionate water-testing SMS's.
i still think you should somehow get face to face one last time, if only to break up properly. i do hope there is that 1% chance left of the two of you getting back on track, but it won't happen without an in-person meeting.
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Thanks for the advices again guys...actualy yesterday it turned out to be an ok day for our relationship because we had an open talk, about past, present, our minds. I would like to think that these talks were constructive, but still have to relax and slowly get it back on track.
I will definitely meet him in London. Unless it all goes very very wrong but I will still propose to meet. At the moment we are sort of looking forward to that, even for a chat, or to break up, or to make up, or to understand ourselves better.
I felt like our relationship (if it will continue to be an existing one) have grown just from this incident.
In a way I don't think the karma has come back to haunt me. after that incident with my ex we have become closer than EVER for the past year.. last year was a very good year for us. Maybe I am wrong..
Voice, I really hope that my 1% will be able to save us. I apologise to have given u guys the background info bit by bit, but it was too difficult to start with every single piece of detail.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Well, I can't say much more than VOR said in terms of advice and I won't stand on my infidelity soapbox either.
I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you have a successful visit.
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Heya I am a guy and i have to agree with jays advice!
i need some advice now ,i have been in a long distance relationship for the past 15 months and we only get to see each other a few times a year! but we talk everyday by phone and emails. we have had our ups and downs, just like every ldr, but we do trust each other and have always managed to work out our differences.He is chinese so sometimes the culutres clash but at the end of the day we are fine. so everything is going really well. i am planning to move back home in september to be with him, but my concern is money. if i stayed in china for a few more months i could seriously save a great deal or if i left in september i wouldn't have as much as i would want. so what would you do ? move and be concerned about money issues or try to cope for a few more months and move back with more money .
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rats
20 yrs ago
whatthe??- it really depends, Sept is only 6 more months to go, if you are confident about the idea of having the LDR 6 months longer and your bf argees, why not? it is not another 6 years :) one more thing- are you SURE that it is just another 6 months regarding the money matter? or you will be tempted to stay for another 6 months, than another 6 months ...
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Agree with rats that another 6 months are not that far ahead.
And if you have your trust and good understanding then don't jump into the risk of getting other problems as a result of money concerns.
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rats that is what has happened to me before! only 6 months has ended up being three years! i explained it to him and he wasn't to impressed and kinda gave me a dead line! saying that it is to hard to do another extra 6months ldr! which i do respect and can understand! so we talked and it means that i just have to be more careful with my money for this year! but i am learning how to budget and can survive with out my starbucks nice restaurants all the time! we do trust each other , and i have been loyal to him and i am sure that he has been to. a lot of my friends can't believe that 2 guys can survive with out 'real sex'(phone sex) for so long! where they can't survive for a few days!
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Updates..
So yesterday morning we had a fantastic phone call and we talked about old stuff and ourselves and also a sweet ending.. I told him that I had a similar situation as the one he currently has.. I said "my attraction for that person decreased dramatically after I broke up with you" because from then on, it was "legal" to meet that person. He actually said "yea, I agree with you, the attraction between me and that girl also decreased a lot".
Anyway, my eyes teared a bit during the phone call when he was being sweet, I miss us. After we hung up, he sent me an SMS saying "I have never felt closer to you"..
I decided not to contact him for the rest of the day. When I got home, I saw an email from him and he said, "text me when you come back from tennis, I have something to tell you". I was scared.. texted him after I got home, he asked me to wait an hour becuase he was very very busy at the office. So I waited, when he called, he told me "I have been very busy these days, my work, and my mind. I just want to tell you, it will be good that we meet in London". I don't know what to say, I don't even understand!! I only joked "I waited for an hour and this is all you tell me?" then we laughed and he apologised.. at the end it was kinda sweet (hard to explain, you know, like both of us didnt say anything, but there's tension, I would like to think it was positive) he said "princess", which is what he used to call me.. then we said bye. Afterwards I got an Sms "Honey, sorry to mkae you stay up for so long. it is all turmoil with me these days, but I liked last nights call. It will be good to see you!"
Anyway...still trying to take it easy, don't want to think so much.
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GREAT update S_S! so you're all set: a confirmed london visit, with a very optimistic outlook.
that's a good plan: take it easy, turn off your brain, and relax until the trip. keep all conversations light and upbeat in the meantime. :-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
SS- great :) stay positive and make your cake complete ;) best of luck!
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tia
20 yrs ago
A happy change of events. Good. I hope it all goes well for you. Try to enjoy life between now and then and don't think about it too much. :)
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Thanks guys, I hope we manage a good meeting, as I go there for business on the 5th and he travels on the 7th (probably also when I leave)
Meanwhile I will send some sweet things to him in the mail and work on it slowly.. he always used to complain that he always sent me cards and notes but I never sent any..
I am still kinda lost, but at least stable now. Yes we deserve each other perfectly.. we have both made huge mistakes, hopefully we can overcome it together.
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So, we have been talking more and now and will tell each other "I love you" once in a while.
He told me that he is now seeing me with a different eye and realised that I am such an independent person and now we are more open with our relationships and stuff.. it is on a good road and he is looking forward to meet me in April. Although he cannot tell me whether this will help us because he first needs to formulate his head. Unfortunately I know they are still seeingg each other but I know not often at all.
I just ordered some flowers online, I know this is gay, but thought it would be nice if he receives them on Sat afternoon?
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SO I really don't understand..
We were on very good terms for a last week since the flowers. He went home..was in a big city for like 2 days which was also still fine..talked on the phone and told me to have fun at night (during the last phone call i was on my way out- Saturday). I got home at like 5 and called him, no answer. So I sent an sms on sunday afternoon, no reply, it was just a "say hi" sms. Second one I started to be worried..as saturday night he was going home to his home town and I was afraid that he got into a car accident. An hour later..i got a reply say "love, I am safe. Nothing happened to me except that I need some time for me. Please don't worry. We talk next week." I am now extremely confused.. ok he IS the type that needs to THINK and stuff when he is confused and by switching off the phone he does not get calls from me and the OTHER woman. But still. I am now on giving up mode but every time I think of the good week we had last week, things he said like how we are still close and he was looking forward to see me.. I don't understand. Help me..I feel like I am on a court waiting for the jury to tell me that I have a death penalty.
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SS - sorry but there is really nothing more you can do but wait until you see each other again.
pushing and calling and texting him to talk will work against you. i'm sure it must be torture waiting and wondering what is on his mind, but now is not the time to force conversations.
sometimes it's good to just wait and see what happens. he has already made it clear what he needs: time for himself. i won't pretend this is a good sign, but neither will i tell you to chase him now - that would surely bring things to a faster conclusion, and you don't want that now, do you?
you really must try to get your mind off things - you are now in "overthinking" mode, going over every single word he said and texted, and imparting too much meaning into them, driving yourself mad with hypothetical situations.
get busy, get distracted, keep any conversations you do have light and breezy (and let him initiate them), and wait until you get face to face before you bring up the heavy stuff.
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Funny thing is, I AM busy. but I cannot stop thinking about him and I miss him so much. It was so weird that all of a sudden he needs this ALONE time, which he could have told me before. I admit I am overthinking many things at the moment.. Now I am re-considering, maybe I should break up with him, so he can really do his own thing.
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well then you would be over-reacting, wouldn't you? closing the door unnecessarily? do you truly want to break up with him? is that the message you want to send him? or do you want him to know you love him, and therefore you respect his need for alone time?
he didn't ask for it before because he didn't want it before. he does now. again: not a good sign, but neither has he broken up with you. try to ride it out. you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by just making it to your trip intact, right?
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Why dont' you also take this opportunity (his ALONE time)to sort out YOUR feelings to him?
Agree with vor, don't push him and give him what he needs at the moment.
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Guys, I lost it today.
He sent me an sms early in the morning saying how he misses me and stuff and is online. So I got up, showered, went online and talked to him. He repeated the same sh*t again about his confusion bla bla.
I confronted him that he was with that woman for the last 2 days when he was supposed to be having his alone time. He told me "i was with her yes, but I could only think about u when I was with her"
Anyway, we talked on the phone cuz I had to leave the house. We talked about many things.. I said its not like I want to give him a hard time, but I have to stop begging him. I don't know how long I could last before he really pushes limit. I told him I was not coming to London anymore cuz of business (event is postponed) but I was planning to go there anyway, but I am not so sure anymore. He offered to try to come to HK. I asked him if marriage and family life were the things that gave him stress leading him to astray..he said no, marriage and family are the things that made him stick with me. I made it very clear that I may make my decision soon... he is not the only decision maker in this whole thing. He wanted me to be in his long term life plans but he never made the effort or gave me the chance to even try or to even compete.
He cried. I told him, just wait a few days before he goes back to see her so she can comfort him. But don't think I don't know about it.
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I never said I f*cked around.. I do socialize a lot with men but I know my limits and I do not cross the bottom line. Sex is one thing, feelings is another. He is having feelings for another woman, whcih completely tears me apart, although he claims that he loves/misses me more, I don't care.
I want us to be together again, but the longer I drag it, the less possible it seems.
I am not strong enough to break up break up at the moment, but I am going towards that direction, fast. In a way I feel that I should wait till we meet before any decisions made, but in a way, I am so disappointed in him, that I just want to let the whole thing go and give up my lovely memories.
This really, really hurts...
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tia
20 yrs ago
Can you HONESTLY ever get over the fact that he has been with another woman? He even has feelings for her, which is NOT just a fling, I hate to say.
You need to speak to him, honestly, openly and as soon as possible. The longer this drags out, the more painful it will be. I hate to sound harsh, but this sounds to me like this is becoming a huge burden in your life and it is time to make changes for the better.
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S_S, you are in a lot of emotional turmoil at the moment and are unable to think straight. i'll just say it one last time: you really should see each other (as soon as possible, as tia says), and make the decision to continue or break up, together.
have a good long cry/screaming fit, but don't make decisions or take action when you're in this much distress.
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Thanks guys..actually I was just crying a bit in my colleague's room. What a wimp.
I understand the thing about dignity. But I also understand the thing about giving up a precious relationship, the laughs, the longing cos of the distance.. I am losing dignity for sure, but should I give up the rest of the good stuff becuase of it? Maybe I will regret. Unfortunately the longer I drag it, the more advantage he takes of the whole situation.
Man, if I could just end the long distance relationship and move over there, things would be so much different.
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at the end of the day..the ball is in your court and you have to decide..but not making a decision is also a decision as what they say..
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I think the comfort zone thing was a big problem of us working to be physically together.
It is for sure we will meet. And he is most likely going to come to HK instead of me going there.
I just realised the last two weeks were the hardest 2 weeks I have had for ages. Since it cannot get worse, so I have got no more to lose.
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Finally I broke it off.
He was in germany for 2 weeks and I got nice phone calls and nice sms for the whole time. he went back to London yesterday and all of a sudden he is confused AGAIN. haha, should I have guessed?
ANyway, we talked on the phone at like 5am. First I asked him whether he got his ticket, he said he will let me know the details later, I said "don't worry then, you don't need to come to HK anymore, let's break up" "Even if you come to HK, you would not be ready for a re-start for us anyway, come back to me when you are ready"
I feel relieved.
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so sorry to hear about it, S_S, and i do hope you truly feel relieved. just my humble opinion: it would have been nice to have seen each other one last time, even if the outcome was still a break-up. but that's just my $0.02. i do hope you feel better soon.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I am sorry to hear that SS. I hope you are ok and that you take time for you to heal. We are here if you need to vent or want to talk.
*hugs*
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