Posted by
susan45988
20 yrs ago
Can you give me some advice so that I don't go completely to pieces?
About 6 months ago, my long-term bf and I had an argument about him spending so much time in the laboratory and sleeping in his room at the university instead of sleeping at my house.
I said to him, 'Don't you miss making love to me?' and he said that it was nothing to him because his work is everything.
We continued our relationship for several months after that but all the time, I felt very hurt and self-conscious about my body. We have since broken up but my body image and self-confidence have taken a terrible downward slide.
I am eating, eating, eating and I have cut out all exercise even the yoga that I have done for over 20 years. He is ten years younger than me and maybe my body was too old for his tastes. Maybe, this is the end of any physical love for me because my body is so bad and getting worse.
Can anyone give some advice on how to stop the downward spiral because I am feeling really ill and lacking all energy and that was from being a very healthy energetic life time vegan and meditator.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Sounds to me like you have a sad case of the break-up blues. I am sorry that you and the boy ended it. I am sorry that you feel this way about yourself as well. In many ways, most women have some issue with their bodies and self-image. I can't say I love my body, but I am growing used to it.
IF he was willing to let you go simply because of the physical, do you want someone like that in your life?
How to stop it? You say you once did yoga daily and meditation. I think you might need to revisit those ideas and places. Getting out and doing something good for you would help. Go out with friends, travel, do something you enjoy to snap out of it.
I know that it is tough to feel that your b/f is not into you physically as it is something I am going through as well. I know he loves me, respects me and all that, but I worry that the physical is waning...and he says he likes my body shape. If I knew how to overcome that, well.... Honestly, I know I need to get out and do more and it sounds to me like you do as well.
Again, I am sorry that you had your heart broken. I hope you are doing ok.
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Thank you Tia. I had a good cry after I read your comments. Sometimes, it really helps heal the pain when someone shows compassion and understanding.
Will follow your advice and you follow your own as well. I will also start doing pilates with some friends. Have had the dvd here for six months without doing it.
Thank you.
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susan45988, you will love pilates, and since you used to be such a yoga buff you'll find the movements and principles familiar (although in my opinion more intense!). trust me, you will love the results. my only advice re pilates is to really focus on the form and the correct execution of the movements (never mind the reps, that can come later as you get more fit). you can injure yourself using the wrong form. you can also injure yourself by overdoing it! as pilates makes you more and more fit, you start wanting to revel in your new strength and body, and you might start doing it every day. your body does need that day of rest in between. (gee, can you tell that's what i did to myself? ;-) the first and only neck injury of my life, doing waaay too many roll-overs. you'll know what those are.)
...i must sound like a broken record with my "love thyself" mantra, but i think the first step to you feeling better and breaking the bad cycle is...love yourself again.
the fact that someone else could make you feel so bad about yourself through his rejection, suggests that you've wandered far afield from the happy self-confident woman you used to be, when you and your ex first got together. he didn't just make you cry, he made you stop literally taking care of your self and your body.
so, good thing he's out of your life and you didn't end up married to a workaholic with a low sex drive.
have lots more good cries - no problem with that, it releases tears and toxins - and crack open that pilates tape.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I agree that tears can be very helpful...get rid of all the bad and get over it. I think many women tend to internalize too many things and it makes us unwell physically or emotionally...god knows I do it. We need an outlet, a way to vent. Cry, scream, yell, punch pillows, write to Asia-Expat, write nasty emails to the exs but DO NOT SEND THEM, have a nice dinner and a night out with friends...do something.
Pilates you say? Hummm...may be buying me a DVD of that in HK.....Hate gyms. Hate them.
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FIrst thing to do is eat healthly, never cut out the food. Perhaps try to only have 2 meals a day - a large breakfast and light late lunch. No eating after 5pm. Only drink water. Do some exercise - if you feel self conscious about your body, go to a public track or gym where you won't bump into anyone you know. If you need a friend to support you, then arrange to go to some fun classes with a friend.
Most important thing to do first is be comfortable with your body, whatever it looks like. When I gained my uni weight, I struggled to lose the weight for a long time. I found that during the periods I felt happier and more comfortable with myself, whatever I looked like, I lost more weight. So what I did was to not focus on my weight, exercise or my diet and just love myself.
Men can have a ridiculous effect on our emotional state, it's difficult and I hope some of the advice above helps. Just remember to treat yourself with love and care.
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tia, i absolutely hate gyms too. i have a simple pilates mat routine that i can do anywhere.
"...write nasty emails to the exs but DO NOT SEND THEM..." :-D ha ha ha ha ha! i have a friend who swears by this! very therapeutic, but still sane
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susan, Im very sorry to read ur experience.
U love him and that cannot be changed. And the feeling with subside sooner or later, as there's nth time cannot erase.
But dun give up on yourself. Tell urself, now you are at the lowest point of life, so nothing can be worst. Pack urself up and live a better life than u did with him. One day, when he or you look back, you can tell right in front of his face, " im so much better off without you, better than ever!"
How to do that? like all the other gals said, eat healthily, do more sports, back to yoga n explore our sources to enchance ur living quality!
How to take the initial step? Go walk along the riverbank or seafront, inhale the fresh and salty air there, admire the mother nature and u will find that life is actually so so so much more beautiful than u ever thoguht and worth living to the fullest! And, remember you are part of mother nature and as beautiful as it is!
Wish you all the best!!!!
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i agree that her sadness is not actually about her body - it's within her self. the state of her body is just reflective of the state of her mind and her heart
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so, shouldnt she just builds up her passion for life and understands her self worth as an initial step before doing anything like exercising, Pumpkin?
Everything is about the will. Generally speaking, ppl who are overweight and cannot lose weight for some reasons, like they have no perseverance in process of exercising, lack motivation, that they are unwilling to do exercises or cannot find the right way.
I think it's the best for Susan to understand her self-worth, that it doesnt lie on how her boyfriend sees her but how she sees herself.
I was there when i thought how pathetic I was being dumped and how idiotic I was crying over a guy who doesnt love me anymore. And then I did the things i advised susan to do and here im, better than ever~
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Thanks everyone for your advice. It's all worthwhile.
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hi susan45988, how's it going? did you and your friends try that pilates dvd? or did you make up that to-do list and start chipping away at it (pumpkin's great advice)? small victories first, to be followed by the big ones. ;-)
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Hi, voiceofreason, thanks for asking. I have started the pilates, had a long talk with ex as to why, started back on the yoga and followed the advice about keeping the house clean, getting in touch with friends etc.
The strange thing is that one of my brothers back in Sydney rang and asked me to go home as he and some other family members are going through their own crisis and they need my help and support. So, I'm going back home. It's nice to feel needed and I hope that I can help. Will keep in touch and meanwhile it is lovely to know that there are still compassionate people like you around.
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rats
20 yrs ago
I have body image problem as well,hated my body and always wonder how come my bf/fiance loves me.
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rats - because he loves u and ur body is only part of u, silly!
nd in my opinion, u have a fit and nice body, need bigger boobs though, hahahahahah~ sam case here, hahahaha~
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susan, hope the family crisis gets all worked out, with your help. it IS nice to feel needed and valued for what is really important - YOU ;-)
keep us posted please :-)
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You know, Voiceofreason, after talking with you all, I realized what was so upsetting:
When you love someone to the depths of your heart, soul and mind and you do everything you can to show them that love and then you are told that they're just not into you physically, it makes everything else seem worthless. It all boils down to our basic needs. So, even if we have two Masters and one Ph.D between us, we are no happier or deeper than teenagers just finding out about their physical attraction. Hence the body-image problem. Anyway, it's all in the past but it makes me wonder if this love thing is really worth it.
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the love thing is definitely worth it.
i think the problem is when (a) first we don't completely love ourselves, warts and all, and (b) we give our love to the wrong person, and/or give it unevenly, i.e. we don't get as good as we give (we don't demand the same level of love and acceptance as we give to our beloved).
so in a lopsided love relationship with the wrong person, their rejection of just ONE of our many attributes becomes magnified to a rejection of our whole being, which often (usually!) isn't the case.
in rats' case, she goes on about not liking her body, but her bf does not agree with her, fortunately! ;-) ...and he loves her anyway - he loves all of her. (am sure she loves all of him!)
what you said about education (degrees) vs wisdom is so true. all the mba's and phd's in the world cannot mask a person's need for acceptance on the most basic, physical level.
next time, maybe hold back a bit on your total love, until you're sure your beloved loves you the same way, warts and all. (warts being figurative, of course ;-) )
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR hits the nail on the head...again!
It's hard to expect someone to love you completely unless you completely love yourself as well. My body is something I would like to change in some ways and at the same time,I have a man who does love it, warts and all. That makes me feel very lucky and loved.
Lopsided love affairs are painful and when they end, you feel like you gave up too much of yourself to try to win over this person OR you feel bad because you know that you did not return the grand love given to you by someone. I went from not getting enough from one partner to being adored by another and I could not return that feeling. I felt horrible in both cases.
Now, I feel that I have someone who loves me, but more importantly, LIKES me and if feels right.
We all want to be accepted and we must first start by accepting ourselves.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tricky question here- what if people around us accept us but we ourselves don't. I am doing ok most of the time but still can't keep complaining now and then.
arethusas- thanks girl, I argree with you ;P, seriously thought about having implant a year ago, but my bf killed the idea by saying the implants will explode when I take the plane.. lol
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tia
20 yrs ago
HAHAHAAA! That's funny. They won't explode, but I now have a picture of rats blowing up! :) Tee hee.
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cant agree with pumpkin and tia more!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
But pumpkin, how do u let ur man knows that you seriously mean what you said about ur body? In my case, they just wanna shake it off and close the discussion and kept telling me "ur not fat and i like it the way it is..."the same comment repeated and repeated and got so boring... and not encouraging at all...
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia - :D I thought it is funny as well :)
Pumpkin- my bf once told me that he became more and more confident after being with me. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same no matter how many times he told me that I am pretty, intellegent,attractive...etc.(er...you know, love's blind :P) He is well-awared of the issue and does try hard to help mem just without success and I never bring up the issue again after we had a serious talk (end up with implant exploding on the plane, hehee). I am pretty easy with myself most of the time. But deep-down, I still feel insecure of my body, guess most women are in the same boat? Don't worry, I don't whine that often in front of my bf and thanks for the advice. :)
I know they don't explode, but the idea is scary. Maybe one day when the doctor can successfully use the fat in our mid-section and put them perfectly in our boo*s , I will think about the implant again( if that day ever comes) ;)
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n susan... if sb loves you with all his heart and soul... he must be able to see pass and discer all the flaw in u, right? If not... can u still call it love?
I lust sb when im attracted to them physically and sexually n I love sb when i am attracted to them as who they are and understand who they are not.
Hey, maybe you can do hash with us on Tuesday night!!! send me a PMS n i forward u the details, it's very fun!!!!
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just got out of the most boring meeting, to read this: "...my bf killed the idea by saying the implants will explode when I take the plane.."
ha ha ha ha haaaaa! too funny! and what a visual :-D
i too can vouch that they will not explode. a jet-setting girl friend who has the nicest implants is still alive, well, and unexploded ;-)
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Do something. Not for him but for the new guy you'll soon meet. In 9 days I can jump-start you back to better shape & better self-image by email exchange, step-by-step everyday. Starting with eating right is the easiest jump-start. This is my passion for a worthy course employing technics & knowledge well developed. I'm a slimming coach. Want to walk with me in cyberspace for 9 Days? Free of charge.
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Who are you offering to coach, Jean? If it's any or all of us, I would be very grateful!
Susan
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Susan, I offer to teach you and all of you here and all your friends who want to jump-start healthy eating lifestyle. Right on this Forum, Free of charge. But we need to set a lucky day a Day 1 and we all synchronise, otherwise I'll be very confused who's on which day. Together, everybody! Jean the Slimming Coach will give you work to do for your long-term good!
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rats
20 yrs ago
Jean- why are you so generous and offer susan/us a free coaching?
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Jean, I would be very happy to follow your every word as you obviously have a good heart and the skills to match.
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After reading all the chats, I've come to feel the time has come to DO SOMETHING FOCUSSED for a meaningful jump-start and an immediate stop of Susan's downward spiral.
Susan,
Just you doing the jump-start is fine; bringing in a crowd is also fine. It's basically a gentle detox program. First and last 2 days of the 9-Day jump-start are liquid nutrition days so don't try to hike in the Shanghai countryside without a loo on those 2+2 days. Please pick a Day as Day 1 in say a week's time and we'll do ready-set-go. Need to budget some time to do all your food shopping in Shanghai.
Please give some details about your body image that you're not happy about: compulsive eating (of what foods?) feeling ill (give particulars - in what way), no energy (give details so that would be your "before"), also what is your BMI (Body Mass Index) now? Click into this US Govt website to find out and tell me: http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc.htm
Rats,
I'm not thinking about whether I'm generous or not generous. I just know I've got what it takes to get Susan out of the downward spiral in a specific way.
BerryPickerrr,
Please don't join in if you choose not to believe what I say is possible.
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Jean2006, you're fantastic! Susan, may i join your cyberspace walk? can you please let me know when your chosen Day 1 is?
Jean, will you do this via our asia expat email addresses, or shall i mail you my personal address?
i'm interested in the detox part. i'll do my best to follow along and find food items here in manila.
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I'd love to join too.
Susan/Jean please let me know if it's alright.
Thanks
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Thank you Jean. Everyone who is serious and trusting should join in. Don't you think so, Jean.
My GMI is 26 Jean. I'm a vegetarian but I do have skim milk. Have been binging nearly every night for two months but stopped about two weeks ago. Main problem carbohydrates and sugar. Biggest binge food: chocolate, nuts and cookies.
Meditate twice a day, don't drink or smoke so I'm fairly healthy except for the binges of late. Weight 68kg. Exercise: Lots of walking, yoga and pilates. Have a gym membership but, lately, find it almost impossible to be there with the crowd of 'skinnies'.
This coming Saturday would be a good time to start for me but we could reach a concensus.
Problem areas: stomach, inner thighs, triceps.
Thanks again Jean and everyone else who has been supportive.
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hi susan, whatever day you decide is fine - saturday is great. i will send you and Jean an asiaxpat mail with my personal address. THANKS again! this will be fun ;-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
Jean, it is very very nice of you.
um..I would like to join., is it possible?
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I want to join too!! Have you guys started yet??
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O so many Lovely Ladies want to join in the fun!
I sincerely want to share with you what foods to eat and what foods to avoid in a simple & structured program of 9 Days. Let's be well- prepared.
Shopping: Please buy these healthy foods and start eating them these few days to get used to them: organic soy milk (organic meaning no GM no pesticides), organic veggies , organic fat-free sugar-free yogurt, brown rice, wholegrain bread (available in CitiSuper or health food stores in Hong Kong, organic food store in Shanghai, not sure where in Manila).
Drink: Green tea, fresh veg juice, not fruit juice (only resort to bottled veg juice if no fresh veg juice but only if the bottled veg juice is sugar-free)
If you suspect you're intolerant to cow's milk. Don't drink it. Drink organic soy milk.
Take a deep breath and cut down on these foods: sugary soda, chocolates and candies, icecream, cookies, anything made with white flour.
Read this to strengthen your will power:
76 ways Sugar can Ruin your Health http://www.mercola.com/2005/may/4/sugar_dangers.htm
Want to read more?
If there's any issue special to you but your prefer to have some privacy, email me at Asiaexpat. I'll address your specific problem in this Forum but without naming you.
In the mean time, Berrypickerrr please let me know, in private email or here (at your option), what happened before you had bulimia that caused it you think. And what your BMI is now.
Not to worry Berrypickerrr, I won't flip from my chair :-)
Many thanks, Lovely Ladies. Do your preparation as we'll jump-starting a gentle detox together this Saturday.
Jean
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Great
Thanks Jean.
Can I send you my email address and can you copy the messages you post here in an email to me. I will be away for a week, and I have difficulties accessing Asia Xpat on my Blackberry.
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am I too late? Is the Day 1 set?
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Sure Joytee, I'm so touched by your enthusiasm.
Acuvue,
Day 1 is this Saturday chosen by Susan. Please do your shopping of healthy foods as listed and start to get used to healthy foods in the only way - start eating them.
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Let's contine to prepare for Day 1 on Saturday.
Want to snack? Look for nuts, the unsalted, uncaramalised rariety. Plus cherry tomatoes, plus baby carrots. Yum-yum! Cut down on chips, chocolates, candy, cakes. Gradually change over these few days.
What to wear during those 9 Days - nice clothes! Get them out. Iron them. Get ready.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Jean, what about biscuits?
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S67
20 yrs ago
Hi Jean,
I hope you can include me too...thanks!
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Any restriction? How about quantities? and portion between liquide/solid food, or protein/carbo?
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Dear Rat,
Read the ingredients on the biscuit packet. Don't eat them if the biscuits contain sugar (most of them) or "flour" meaning polished white flour (most of them). To have some convenient carbo good to eat and easy to carry (can't carry a bowl of brown rice with you all day!) go get some organic rice cakes from CitiSuper.
Dear Acuvue,
Restrictions: limit sugar including soft drinks, limited polished rice, polished wheat, etc, limit coffee (1 a day a the most), limit alcohol (1 lass a day at the most, in which case cut out coffee that day), no red meat, no cigarette, read labels before buying.
Quanity: Easy way to manage is to load the dish with 50% veggies, 25% carbo (brown rice, whole wheat or quinoa) and 25% protein (chicken/ pork/ tofu/beans)
A full-scale detox involves liquid foods only fro 2 days but I don't want to do it here because I can't monitor something this scale on a cyber Forum. So will relax the requirement. For first 2 days, if you can be happy the whole day with soy milk (for protein), veg juice, and herb tea, do so but if anyone can't manage, eat a light salad.
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Is cranberry juice ok to drink??
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Hi All
I bought the nuts and being a vegetarian, my fridge is full of vegetables already with doufu as well, maybe not everything is organic, but I hope this will do for a start.
As I am leaving for China in three days, drinking green tea won't be a problem, but where I am going there won't be any fresh fruit juice, but there will be loads of fruit, it should be alright replacing this by eating fruit instead, right? The only problem is that I am going to a place where they put lots of oil in food (more than many other places in China!) and going to lunch/dinner with business partners, it will be difficult to avoid this.
Jean I am sending you a PM with my email now.
Looking forward to Saturday and the trip too.
Good luck to everyone with this, and thanks again Jean.
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Hi Jean and friends,
Have just come back from Beijing. Travelled by train there and back to Shanghai. We had a big snorer going there and another louder snorer coming back. The poor,latter, guy looked exhausted when he woke up and started to complain about the guys in the next sleeping compartment waking him up with their talk. I didn't have the heart to tell him that his snoring probably woke him up more than the talk as it did me! So funny ha, ha, ha!
Jean, thanks for all your advice. Ready to go!
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Hi Susan!
Hi That snoring is so funny! Not happened to me in airplane. Wonder why ......
Hi Lexus!
Fruit juice like Cranbery juice is no-no. Cos too much frotose (sugar in fruit)when fruit is juiced. Do they have the equivalent of MIX in Shanghai where you can get veg juice? Veg juice = celery, carrot, bell pepper, bitter melon, cucumber. If no can you get a juicer and make your own? 2 or 3 glasses a day. Bring a bottle of veg juice to work if you can.
Jyotee,
I've sent you a testing email from my personal email to make sure that you can receive my email.
Eating lots of fruits will mean too much sugar. No more than a fruit a day for those 9 days. I remember in China they sell small tomatoes in the fruit stalls in China. Tomatoes are vegetables so eat them even if you can't juice them in a hotel.
Any supermarket/ market you can manage to pop into during your business trip to do your veg shopping?
Oily foods are a problem. But if you're the guest, they ask you what you would like to eat? So at least don't choose deep-fried dishes. Choose say steamed fish/ white cut chicken and don't eat the chicken skin.
No dessert if you can get away with it.
Also don't eat too much.
Therefore you might get hungry. Would you have some private moment to snack on the cherry tomatoes? Can also bring some CitiSuper organic rice cakes with you?
SOMETHING PRACTICAL: Go to Watsons and get a tin of organic and sugar-free soy milk powder. The Echo Brand, I think. Scoop out some to put in a plastic box to carry with you. At least that way you can fix nutritious drinks for yourself whenever you can. Definitely at breakfast.
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So all you Lovely Ladies who wants to gently detox for 9 Days together have done your healthy shopping? And have started to eat those healthy foods to get an idea?
As the toxins are gently released, you may feel like having a little flu, just take more rest and drink more water. Detox symptoms will pass in one or two days.
Come tomorrow (Saturday), put on your favourite dress that you've picked and tell yourself you're GORGEOUS. Yes, you're a gorgeous woman - carry this idea in your head the whole day.
For foods, go on nutritious liquid foods as far as possible: organic soy milk for protein (heat it and sprinkle say cinamon on it if you like), fresh veg juice for the good in veggies, 3 litres of water (8 - 12 glasses) spiced up with lemon wedges if you like, herb tea. "Water" yourself with nutrition the whole day, Lovely Ladies - you're gorgeous and deserve pampering the whole day.
Drink soy milk when hungry. Shouldn't be too hungry. Expect to go to the loo every hour so please don't wander off into the wilderness. Be good.
Cut coffee/black tea to no more than one. No smoking please. Be good.
Do 30 minutes' exercise. It's the weekend so no excuse!
If you can't handle just liquid all day, don't beat up yourself. We all love you - just eat a light salad of organic green veggies and tofu or beans (For protein). No meat. For dressing use organic olive oil and vinegar.
So Lovely Ladies, what gorgeous outfit are you putting on for the important First Day todmorrow (Day 1 of 9). I'm going to wear a sky-blue Hermes scarf from Paris that reminds everyone I see over the weekend that it's Spring! Hurrah!
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IMPORTANT REMINDER: NO SUGAR (no white or brown or whatever sugar, no honey, no maltose)
Sugar can harm you in 76 ways - please re-visit this link:
http://www.mercola.com/2005/may/4/sugar_dangers.htm
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Thanks so much Jean for all your sound advice and we'll follow rigidly!
I'm going to wear my new black pleated skirt with a smaller waist size than a month ago and my beautiful silk Chinese jacket, patterned black stockings and a new hairstyle.
Ready to go!
What about you voiceofreason. Are you going to give it a go with the rest of us?
Good detoxing everyone!
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i will do my very best to follow the food rules... *gulp*!!! "no sugar" will be the hardest for me to follow.
may the force be with us!
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What special something are you going to wear tomorrow?
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I will wear my red skirt and a nice black top tomorrow.
And I'll get some veg juice for tomorrow on my way back home tonight (no juicer at home yet!)and stop by watson for some Echo soy milk...
This is fun! Hope everyone enjoys it too!
Have a great weekend everyone
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tomorrow a light green dress that everyone loves on me - looks very fresh - a happy, spring-y color.
also to remind me to eat my - *sigh* - greens
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Goodl girl!
Tell me, why greens didn't appeal to you before? Too busy to look up veggie recipes in a cookbook?
No necessarily all green in colour - bell pepper eg also comes in orange and red, and egg plant is purpose, mushrooms are beige...WTO asks us to eat veg to prevent cancer etc, not just veg in green colour.
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Goodl girl!
Tell me, why greens didn't appeal to you before? Too busy to look up veggie recipes in a cookbook?
No necessarily all green in colour - bell pepper eg also comes in orange and red, and egg plant is purpose, mushrooms are beige...WTO asks us to eat veg to prevent cancer etc, not just veg in green colour.
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my name's voiceofreason, and i'm a carnivore...!
it's purely the way i was raised. my mom's entire family, back to caveman days, never liked vegetables, so she never forced me to eat them. the only reason she learned to eat them herself was thanks to my dad!
well, i do like bell pepper, carrot, and cucumber sticks...when there's sour cream & onion dip around. i like mushrooms...with my salpicao (tenderloin beef cubes sauteed in garlic). ;-) surely those count?!
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...you'll have to forgive me, coach Jean, i'm just having one last food-fantasizing frenzy before i give it all up for the next nine days!
going to search for brown rice at the organic market tomorrow morning.
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Onion dip is made with onion and what else?
Sour cream is from cows, ie, hormones injected. Try organic yougurt for a dip? Or hummus (chick peas paste).
If you can't quit meat totally, also don't beat up yourself. We all love you. Just cut the meat portion down down down.
Cavemans? Think about what they eat. No guarantee that they can find an animal to kill everyday. SO what do you think they survived on when they can't find an animal to kill?
Yes, you get it! They eat things grown in nature guaranteed to be there for them in the abundance of the ancient forest- fruits and edigble plants (meaning veggies). If you need to consult a book on this say so :-)
Also if you want to read an article from WTO on how eating veg helps in preventing chronic illnes, tell me and I'll give you the link.
Want to be the guardian angel of your mom's entire family to prevent them from the crutch of cancer, diabetics, high blood pressure? O They count on you to enlighten them on how cavemen actually lived!
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Hi Gorgeous!
When you wake up to read this, it's Day 1 of 9 already (Saturday).
While you go through Day 1 gorgeously, visiting the loo often with all your nutritious liquid (mostly) food, remember to admire your beautiful outfit and your beautiful self, comb your hair and powder your nose (where applicable).
Also prepare for Day 2 (Sunday). Prepare for Day 2 by thinking of somebody you want to say "thank you" to. You have one whole day to think of just one name. No excuse not of think of anybody.
Don't tell me you can't think of anybody to thank because the whole world has turned its back on you. Think harder.
For example if you haven't committed suicide yet (sure you haven't or else you won't be reading this), be thankful to your parents who gave you life, then gave you the milk bottle.
Susan, during the difficult months after the break-up, who has given you emotional support? Parents/ sisters/ friends/ colleagues/ classmates/ the cat?
Reason for the preparation is, come Day 2 (Sunday), which is another mainly liquid food day, I sincerly wish that every one of you have a good reason to feel thankful because you're loved by at least one person.
Day 1 (Saturday), feel gorgeous and love yourself. Day 2 (Sunday), feel you're loved.
HOMEWORK: During the course of Day 1, can every one tell me who they feel thankful to? I'm thankful to my father who always think, ever since I was a toddler, that I'm georgeous, intelligent, capable and absolutely outstanding. Due to his faith in me, I could overcome great adversity in my adult life, defying the odds.
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Susan Gorgeous,
I mean think of at least one person to feel thankful for.
So you can think of more than one person to thank? O Yes, the more people you can think of the better. Therefore there's no justification for you to go to pieces, right? So don't go to pieces, gorgeous girl!
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Thanks Jean. I'm thankful to my 2nd brother, who, although he had problems himself at the time, spent a great deal of time writing emails and couselling, all the wonderful gals on this site, a young man on the relationships site,who said he was into me and liked older woman, close colleagues at work and anyone who has the time to give a free smile.
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I feel very positive today, specially reading Susan's post just now.
I was progressing very well with only veggie juices, soya milk and water until now, but opened the nuts bags a minute ago....
I start my 30 minutes of exercise soon.
I am thankful for my Mother - I am not the easiest child she has.... anyway, she is always here for me, she is very supportive of my living abroad for so many years (my father is not!)because she knows this is where I want to be.
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Hi Gorgeous,
I'm so touched by these nice people who're nice to you.
Tody is Day 2 (Sunday), it's like Day 1, go Liquid as far as you can. If you can't, eat light.
In addition to looking gorgeous, I invite you on Day 2 to get in touch with the people you're grateful for. And tell them that you think of them and remember how nice they were to you. Emailing them/sending a note is fine if there're too many people to get in touch with.
Do your 30-minute exercise (hiking counts as exercsing). No excuse, it's Sunday so there's time.
For homework on Sunday. Think about what you want most, and be prepared to give it away. No kidding, be prepared to give away what you want the most on Day 3 (Monday).
So if you want appreciation, find a person to give your appreciation to. If you want to be loved, find a person to give your love to on Day 3 (Monday). Etc.
Good news that on that Day you can eat again.
Recap: Day 1 (Saturday): love yourself, Day 2 (Sunday)feel loved; Day 3 (Monday) love others.
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hi jean and susan and fellow detox-ers ;-) here's my catch-up post.
day 1 - love myself - ok, check. aside from a slight tendency to perfectionism (am my own worst critic), i'm generally happy with my self and grateful for what i have in my life.
the hardest part of day 1 was following the food guidelines! <:-( *siiiiiiiiiigh*
right up until friday night i ate as normal - it was unavoidable, and i had a particularly busy week - my job and my social life involve a LOT of eating out, drinking, and occasionally social smoking. (even during business meetings here, people will bring/offer food! it is terribly ungracious to refuse.) so day 1 was truly my day 1, and i had not been able to prepare for it.
day 1 consumption. meals: lunch, merienda (afternoon snack), and dinner. food: arugula, gravlax, brown rice, chickpeas, beans, whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta w/ pomodoro sauce, a sugarless AND flourless chocolate dessert. liquids: one mug of coffee, then water or green tea the rest of the day.
day 1 accomplishments. i AM proud of the fact that i did not have any red meat, and neither did i smoke one single cigarette, nor have any wine.
day 1 homework - who are you thankful for. there were so many people to thank that i settled on one general category: friends. i am a very independent person in every way, but as i get older the importance of my friends in my life grows all the time. i love my son and my family, i love my bf but...when i envision my life in my 70s and 80s, i actually find myself thinking of ways to make sure i am geographically close to friends first, then to everyone else second. is that weird? my friends make me feel loved by the gift of their acceptance of who i am, and i love them all too, for their various selves.
day 2 - feel loved, and get in touch with those people who make you feel that way. will do. a couple of catch-up phone calls; meeting someone later for coffee (ok, ok, i'll have tea and try not to smoke!); lots of emails.
am having a mug of coffee now. will try to have only one meal, and pots and pots of green tea. will dust off pilates mat later OR go for a long walk (most likely the former - manila is NOT a walking city). mulling over day 3 assignment.
thank you, jean!
hi susan - please check your private mail later. :-)
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Hi Jean, Voiceofreason and other friends,
Ate very light yesterday for breakfast as I find it impossible not to eat something when I wake up hungry. Went for long walk and did stretching exercises. Ate vegetable soup for lunch.
I want love and respect together. So, I will give it away today to Mum, brothers, sister, friends and LDL.
Jean and other friends here: I respect you all for taking the time and trouble to help each other.
Sue
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Hi the Gorgeous and the Loved,
I'm so proud of all of you!
Day 3 (Monday) tomorrow.
Give Love: If you want to be appreciate, find someone and see something good in him then give your appreciation to him. I want to be listened, so tomorrow I'll find a young friend just coming out to work and grappling with his new working life, I'll listen to his problems, and if he wants advice I'll advice him.
Breakfast: Try organic (at least sugar-free) yogurt sprinkle some nuts on it, or wedges of fresh fruit. Soy milk/ Green tea/ herb tea.
Snack time: Nuts, soy milk (sugarless)/ baby carrots/cherry tomatoes/ veg juice (veg content 50%)
Lunch: white meat/tofu/beans (25%), brown rice/ brown rice cakes/whole grain bread (25%), veggies (50%)
Afternoon snack: see snack ideas above, or have a fruit
Dinner: See lunch ideas above.
Hungry before going to bed? Warm soy milk.
Minimize sugar, keep coffee to one, or keep to one alcohol but then give up coffee
Yesterday (Saturday) - Love Yourself
Today (Sunday) - Feel Loved
Tomorrow (Monday) - Be Loving
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Exercise idea tomorrow if busy
Tone up our arms!
http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm/2/cmi_1808010
http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm/cmi_1827991
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Boy, those give people what you want and be loving ideas sure work. I've had some very, very loving emails from my ldl and some very loving phone calls with my sister, brother and mother and the ex-bf even rang to find out how I am. The vibes must be going out everywhere. Thanks Jean.
Oh, Jean, some advice please. When it comes to exercise, I'm fine with dancing, walking, jogging in place, bouncing on the mini-trampoline, riding the bike etc. But, if I have to do something that requires me down on the floor, I'm procrastinate all day. Some of my friends have the same problem with doing Pilates, yoga and other mat work. Why?
Sue
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Gorgeous Ladies,
I am so happy for you.
Start Day 4 (Tuesday) knowing that you love yourself, that you're loved and you're loving.
With that knowledge, focus on loving yourself on Day 4.
So focus on something about yourself that you love today, not to do with anything you wear though still wear something nice. For example, do you like your eyelashes best? Your sense of humour?
Sure you have lots of attributes but just choose one to focus on. And really feel proud of yourself today because of this.
Also let others benefit from your great attribute. Say you've got beautiful eye lashes, can you look at people kindly under your eye lashes? Say its your sense of humour, can you make people laught today with your jokes/ point of view?
You know what to eat and what to cut down, similar to yesterday.
Don't like going down on the floor to exercise? Maybe because the view is not as good. Clean the floor first, hope it helps.
And here's some exercise for doing on the floor that's good for flattening the stomach. Sure that 's motivation?
Go to page 4 of this article - see the animation:
http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm?cmi=1891883&cid=3&code=28230
What is ldl?
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Thanks Jean, great advice. Yes, you're right. The view from the floor isn't great also there isn't much room.
ldl means long distance lover. Only a lover in words for now.
Have a happy day.
Susan
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My attribute is I'm very kind. I'm going to brighten the day of at least 2 clients by going the extra mile to encourage them. So they'll be delightfully surprised and touched and from there, go on to love themselves. Nobody succeed unless they first have enough sense of self-love and self-worth to persist.
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Gorgeus women,
Tell me the attribute that you're focussing on today and how you make use of it to benefit mankind
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Gorgeus women,
Tell me your attribute that you're focussing on today and how you make use of it to benefit mankind
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Jean, I'm going to do lots of studying of my Masters so that I can use that knowledge to help my students to become more useful citizens in the future.
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Susan Gorgeous,
What's your Masters degree about?
Help students - are you studying education/ Chinese?
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Jean, am studying Master of Applied Linguistics/Management. I am a teacher/manager but my main focus is on teaching people with learning difficulties.
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Hi Gorgeous,
Day 5 (Wed) tomorrow.
Today I REALLY want you to feel how much you're loved. Think of one incident where you had been really bad - but were forgiven.
You don't deserve to be forgiven but you were forgiven, by ......? Phone/ email/ sms that person to say you think of him.
I'll phone my parents ....
In Day 5, continue your healthy eating as explained. The healthy snacks have kept you brainy? Weaning off excessive coffee gradually?
Quitting smoking and so now more oxygen in your blood and your so even prettier?
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Day 6 (Thu) is special, so I want to tell you your homework for Day 6 so you start to think about it.
So you know that it's another cycle of love: Day 4 you again focus on loving yourself, Day 5 you focus on feeling you're truly loved. Day 6. O Day 6! Tomorrow!
Come Day 6 please forgive someone. Now don't flip from your chair. It's not that difficult.
Think from his point of view. OK you may not agree cos that's not your point of view. But really think from his point of view. Can you feel something different?
Also see his weakness like him having one leg missing. Somehow he has one leg missing, he hasn't grown that leg (that capability, that sense of loyalty, that set communication skills, that good temper) so he can't run.
OK you want to go running the Marathon so you're going to leave him, or he's going to limp away cos he can't run. But forgive him for having one leg missing!
Recall how you've been forgiven in your life, then it becomes easy to give him - and then shed those emotional pounds.
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jean, that's a really good assignment. will mail you details privately (cc susan :-) )
forgot to mention in my last mail to you: YES, i have been drinking inordinate amounts of green tea. (i sure miss my coffee though) <:-)
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Hi Voice of Reason,
One cup of coffee a day is allowed as this quality won't do too much harm.
Can use your ingenuity to split it into half a cup in the morning and half a cup in the afternoon. Buy a pretty and dainty mug to serve as your coffee mug.
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Jean, what if the someone you need to forgive hasn't forgiven you and they are still too angry to talk or to listen?
Sue
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Greetings to all fellow detox Gorgeous women,
I managed to find an internet cafe in the middle of nowhere, so I thought better log on and give everyone an update of how I am doing.
Not managed very well with the love thyself part yesterday, and I was not aware of today's assignment of feeling really loved until now, but I guess today I did feel really supported (if not loved) as I am having great help from one person here with my trip.
I will have a harder time with tomorrow's assignment - I wish I could forgive a friend (or supposedly friend) who back stabbed me four years ago (yes four years ago!) We still meet every now and then, we never talked about this, but our friendship is not the same anymore. I wonder how it feels to really forgive someone, or to 'know' that you have forgiven someone.
Food wise- I am doing better than I thought I would, I had a relatively big lunch today, but I am having a very healthy light dinner.
Until the next Internet cafe, wish everyone a happy evening and good continuation with the detox and a great thanks for your emails Jean.
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Dear Jyotee,
It's great that you have made an effort to keep in touch with your mates on 'women only'.
It's also interesting that your unforgiven friend is in the same boat as this friend. I did something to hurt a very close friend years ago. She is still not talking to me even though I send her an email about once a week. Do you think that I should give up?
Fellow de-tox gfs:
Have you noticed that once you give up sugar, everything else has a very strong taste of its own? So strange!
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Day 6 (Thu)- Day of Forgiveness
To forgive him does not necessarily mean to agree with him, does not mean you become good friends with him again either.
To forgive means to free yourself from anger - you're not angry with him any more. So in forgiving him, you set yourself free, free from anger which has been possessing you.
One easy way to forgive is, as explained, to see that person's weakness as equivalent to that person not having 2 normal legs but just 1. So he can't walk properly.
There's some truth in that comparision, do you agree? Jyotee, That friend who back stabbed you 4 years ago did the back-stabbing out of a weakness in her character, right? So she only has one normal leg and her other leg is weak. So don't be angry with a deformed person.
If she back-stabbed you once, she can back-stabbed you again. So beware and there's no need for you to become good friends again. But don't be angry with her anymore - for your sake not for her sake. Shed YOUR emotional pounds.
Susan, So you hurt someone. Did you apologise to her and make good whatever you can make good? And why do you email her once a week? To apologize every week?
Sue, you can forgive that person whether or not that person forgives you. You can stop being angry with that person whether or not that person is still angry with you. Want to try?
Letting go anger is a kind of detoxing.
Not easy but do-able.
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Thanks Jean,
Okay, I'll stop pestering my cousin with emails. They haven't been 'please forgive me' pleads. More like newsy and probably, if she is still angry, pesky! Will forgive myself and leave her be!
Hey gang, have lost 2kgs! And, feel great.
Sue
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Dear Ladies.
Today Day 7 (Friday), we love ourselves again.
By FORGIVING OURSELVES.
Yes, do what you can to make good. Then FORGIVE your own self.
And shed those emotional lbs besides the physical lbs.
Jean
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susan - CONGRATULATIONS!!! :-D fantastic news. *clap* *clap* *clap*!
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Day 8 (Saturday) second last day now.
Liquid Days again today and tomorrow and then we come to the end of the 9-Day light detox program.
Recap: Drink your food - soy milk, veg juice, herb tea.
If you really have to eat something solid, eat sugar free yogurt preferably organic, or a light salad, eg, green salad with some beans.
Todays' homework is to feel loved. Look at things in your house and in your office and count all the items that evidence that you're loved. Photos with family and friends, gift's collected, cards, tons of email from family and friends, etc. How many items?
I have more than a dozen pieces of evidence unequivocally manesfesting how much I'm being loved.
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Day 9 (Sunday) - Last day of our Physical and Mental Detox
Still keep to liquid foods or light meals today.
Literally give a gift to someone today. Buy somebody a meal/ cup of green tea/ send somebody a card.
Give, and feel good.
As Sunday draws to a peaceful close, smile and know that you've been eating well and that you're lovely, very much loved and you're loving and giving.
I'm so proud of you all.
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Thanks Jean. Feel terrific and you're terrific too for giving us such splendid advice. Have a happy day.
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Hi Gorgeous Ladies,
Today is Day 10, 27th Mar 2006, end of 9 Important Days during which you cleanse your body and your emotion of toxins that have been plaguing you.
I'm confident that you've jump-started an exciting new vision and an exciting new lifestyle for the love and abundance of many.
If you have quantifyable weigh loss news to share like Susan's 2 kg, do let us know and we'll clap* clap* clap* to you.
These 9 Days have resolved all Body Image Problems? Hm ..... ???
If there're still some residual Body Image Problems to resolve do share your agony here. A burden shared wil be lighter on your shoulder. And maybe your can inspire me to work out a new cycle of 9 Days in this cyber Forum for our collective well being.
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Thanks Jean, Had several calls from ex today and after each one, I ate forbidden food. The strange thing is that he was very, very nice. Why do you think that I still felt compelled to reach for comfort?
Sue
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Because you lost your inner peace after his phone call. Because you can only jump start in a new direction in 9 Days but you can't reach the destination in 9 Days. Takes sustained effort to self-love, feel loved and loving.
What does he want now? And can your prvide him with what he wants? If he wants forgiveness you've forgiven him already so what's on the horizon now?
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Dear Jean,
Thank you for your reply - it's so true.
I think he knows that I am going in a few days so he thinks it's safe to be nice to me - he also may feel guilty or sorry that it didn't work out but he definitely doesn't want to renew the relationship - he has made that very clear in no uncertain terms!
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Hi Susan,
So can you let go? Set him free and forgive him as the ultimate way of loving him. Find something else to enjoy. And you'll lose the urge to binge. How about that?
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Thanks Jean, I'll do as you suggest. Just 10 days and I will be back in Sydney amongst lots of family and friends and lovers!
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smyth
20 yrs ago
You cannot love someone else untill you learn and experience love of oneself, It is not a selfish act but a true insight into understsnding the dynamics of self realization.
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Thank you for all the genuine and helpful comments on this thread. Let's finish it now.
Sue
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Before we finish it:
Back in Hong Kong only just now. Feel good to be in my bed again, my (semi-decorated) home again!
So recap - I did very well for the first four days, and then it went downhill very fast, I gave up after the sixth day I think, cannot remember clearly!
But the first few days, were indeed, extraodinary, I tried hard not only on the food aspect, as I am a vegetarian, this was not too difficult (getting access to the right food was though) but on the different tasks set by Jean as well. Then work pressure, and not knowing how to deal with forgiving someone made it more difficult,; but in that process I realised that I had forgiven someone else who hurt me more (MORE) than my 'friend' that I mentioned above (that person was (is?) the most imortant person in my life, met when I was 20 and up to a few years ago, I did not know how to live my life independently or for myself.... that person disappeared suddenly without giving an explanation, up to now, I am not sure what happened!
But anyway, I was concentrating on trying to forgiving that other friend, and I realise (I think) I was in the process of forgiving the disappearing one - which I thought I would never be able to do. It was a strange feeling - I am still working on this.
It went downhill badly after day 5 or 6 (not sure) and I will set a date and start again (try at least) next week .... it's worth it, as I did feel very much at peace the first few days.
Good luck to everyone and THANKS again Jean.
Yes let's end it now.
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