How much discipline - please help

My little baby is 1.5 years old. I'm having a bit of trouble trying to decide when to be strict with her, how strict I should be or when it's okay to let her explore and make her own mistakes.

When she falls, I say, "It's okay. Never mind" with a smile but when she's really hurt herself, I will pick her up and comfort her. The more I comfort her, the more she'll "pretend" to cry with no tears but a calm whimper. I like it because I know she loves the attention. But is this wrong?

If she stands up on her high chair refusing to eat, do I just take her off the high chair and feed her later or do I scold her and get her to sit back down to finish her meal?

If I say "no" and she still continues to do it, I usually remove her from whatever she's doing but should I be stricter? If so, how strict should I be?

Is it just the tone of your voice for disciplining or should there be other ways?

She's quite clingy too (even more now because I've taken her to Sydney to see my family). Should I say "no" - although I really enjoy our bond.

I don't want to spoil her but I don't want to be too strict either. Where do I draw the line?

I'm a first time parent.

With my son I comfort him when hes hurt, as you do. As soon as I sense that he is ok, I will put him down and say 'You're ok now' and let him carry on playing. When he is clearly crying just for the attention, I ignore him. He soon gets the message. As for mealtimes, he used to try and climb out his highchair but I made him sit down and finish his meal(no matter how long it took). Theyve got to realise that there are set times for meals and they have to eat, and that you are not going to feed them when THEY feel like it. Sometimes it meant that I would have to sit with him and make him eat and it could take a while, but I stuck to my guns. I have found that as my son has got older, tone of voice sometimes doesnt work so we introduced the 'naughty corner'. That works pretty well but I think the child has to be old enough to understand what they have done wrong for it to be effective. I also find that 'incentives' also work e.g. if he finishes his meal then I will take him to the park for a while or something along those lines. As my son is now 2.5yrs old, he is able to understand alot more and I find that explaining things to him works well - you will be amazed at what they can understand. Of course, it doesnt mean that they will never do XYZ again, but eventually they will learn. The main thing is to be consistent as thats how they learn the ground rules. Hope that helps.

Hi

I am a child care educator and so can give you a few tips.

Pick your battles, don't fight with our child over evrything jus to make a point. It was one of the best lines of advice I was ever given.

Also I wouldn't recommend what the aboce post has said. Don't ever use food as a bribe, ie; If you don't eat it you can't go to the park! Food should never be used as a weapon becuase that is where a lot of eating disorders stem from.

Make meal time fun, try to use a safety harness (tip for mums who have just started using a high chair, use a harness from the begining so it doesn't become a battle later on its just part of the routine).

If your child has finger foods, make yourself busy whilst he is eating (Obviously in the same room), so you are not just focusing on him as he may play on this.

Feel free to ask any more questions.

I don't agree with what STUCK said about using food as a weapon. My son is now 8 years old and I'm still using the same line as hklassie. It's not so much about the food as it's about the child having to do what they're expected/supposed to do before they can do what they want to do. I do agree with STUCK in that we should pick our battles carefully, it's also the best advice I've ever received in my 8 years as a mother.

Thanks turtle1 for your comment - you are right in saying its not about the food but about listening to what mum/dad are asking you to do. STUCK, you wrongly assumed that Im using food as a weapon. Im merely introducing an incentive(ie. somthing like the park)...the two are very different things. Mealtimes are hardly ever a battle with my son, but theres always an occasion here or there where a different approach is needed.

Sure but by saying to a child if you finish your meal you can go to the park? What if he doesn't finish his food..............he then is'nt allowed to the park.

I have seen eating disorders come from bribing a child and I have worked with many children over the years. But at the end of the day you have to do what you believe is right.

I don't see any difference between "you have to finish your meal before you can go to the park" and "you have to finish your homework before you can play your PSP". There's nothing wrong with introducing an incentive and rewarding good/expected behavior.

Not to get side tracked on the sole issue of food (which is an entire topic unto itself). . . I think at age 18 months discipline is all about love and using body English to show your child what you want and expect. Talk to her a lot so she can begin to understand the reason behind the limits that you set. (Say, "no! no! the iron is hot!" as you smile, pick her up and take her to her toy truck.) Just pick her up and take her out of whatever bad situation she is in and redirect her attention in a positive way to what you want her to do. But she definitely is at the age where she will begin to have her own ideas about what she wants, and she may even begin to show some temper. Honor her choices as much as possible but feel free to draw the line. You must establish your authority as a parent, gently but firmly, with lots of love. Be aware also that (according to B. Brazelton) her angry and frustrated emotions may actually be frightening and confusing to her. So it's fine to hug and love an angry child, to reassure her that you understand she is angry and you can empathize with her frustration, but explain to her that you simply cannot allow her to stick her finger in that electrical outlet and then make sure it doesn't happen. Because the child must have no doubt that you are the parent and you are in control, and ultimately you are a person who must be obeyed. (Better to establish this at age 1 than try to wait until age 15!) I also think you can't give your baby too much love or affection: she needs it! There is a difference between showing affection to a child versus letting them get away with something bad. Showing love to your daughter will not spoil her (I think it will make her more secure and less likely to seek negative attention), but not drawing limits on bad behavior will spoil her. I think that being wishy-washy is what causes confusion in a child. FOr instance if they ask for an ice cream, you say no, and then you give in after they whine for half an hour, then you have succeeded in teaching her that nagging you works to get the ice cream. So, you can't give in. You can be loving, sympathetic, and give all the hugs you want, but don't give in and buy the ice cream in response to whining or temper fits.