As some of you may remember, I was in a long distance relationship for a while and things were good until a month ago, I broke up with him because he cheated on me (and now with a new gf). It was a really tough time..
I have made the decision to go to Spain for studies next month and by chance I will get to spend a few days in London before flying over. My ex knows about this. Last week, he called and said "I really want to see you and talk so we can figure a few things out". I have no problem meeting him although I have no intention to get back together. And I have a feeling that things between him and his new gf isn't all that great after all, otherwise he wouldn't call me and say what he said.
Just checked hotel prices and seems like I may end up using an unnecessary amount of money for a place to stay (I plan to be living simple in Spain, as I will have no income). I cannot change my flight anymore so I will be stuck in London.. Since I have been there enough times I really am not that excited about it. So the question is, since he wants to see me anyway, should I ask whether I could stay with him? It's politically incorrect I know..but I tell myself, whats the big deal? I was with him long enough, I have slept next to him many times, even if "things" do happen, so what? Maybe I am too cheap! I know I shouldnt stay with him for the sake of dignity, but is it that big of a deal?
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hi S_S, long time no see. :-)
i wouldn't ask to stay with him, as he is now in a new relationship.
how would you feel if the tables were turned: your new bf's ex coming to town to stay with him, your new bf confiding your problems to his ex. and whether or not they are having problems is not really your business...right?
by all means meet up with him, but surely you can find affordable alternatives?
anyway, as you say - you know him (and yourself) better so...let us know what you decide. :-)
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Hi VoR, long time no talk! Hope all is well with you and you get to meet your honey soon.
Yea I haven't really been on this website for a while..am not very good at giving advices anyway.. seriously ;-)
Anyway, I know it sounds immature, but I really don't care whether my ex and his gf (who I still hate) are having a good relationship. I dunno, I am so mad that I couldn't go to Spain earlier, then I wouldn't have this stupid problem..
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Tell you what, if it doesn't matter to you, then why are you asking for advice?
S_S, just ask him. Hey, maybe he will say no! Did you ever think of that?? -Besides, the truth is that my guess is he'll want to have sex with you again. Guys are like that...All of us. Anyone who tells you different is probably just a liar on his high horse.
But regardless, if it doesn't really bother you to ask, then go for it and get your free accomodation!
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lulu
20 yrs ago
SS> from what you had mentioned on the thread, it seems that you had already decided/ wanted to stay in his place for that few days. Well it is up to you, its might turn out good that you save some money and then you have a good chat with him, might even have sex with him without any regrets.
But it might also turn to worst ..i cannot tell you what it is but anything out of your imagination can happen...in relationships.
Anyway, for myself, I would try to avoid contact any "ex" as 90% of the time i will feel sad or after i met him. EX factor is NOT a fair game to play.
I can say i do not love any of my ex anymore, but if i hear them "getting married" or have a wonderful couple's life, i will definitely still feel a bit lost and sour....better safe than sorry.
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I guess you are right, I just need someone to convince me to NOT to stay with him. I'm being cheap, and of course want some sort of a revenge if situation allows. But I have spent so much time to pull myself together again after the break up and I shall not lose it all again, especially I will have a fantastic Spain trip right after! But u know, it would have been an easy arrangement... so.
Having sex with him doesn't bother me that much, but guess that would screw my head up a lot..
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lulu
20 yrs ago
SS> I think all the women will think like that...revenge, save money, meet him again, be tough etc, why not???...I might do the same thing too. but surely you know that might do you head in as well, that might also bring you back to square one.
We all know the answers, but only you can decide and you to experience that.
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qvong
20 yrs ago
SS> I don't know you or your ex but sounds to me you regret cutting your ties with him.
If you ask him to stay at his place, it opens up the door for him to have sex with you and since you don't care about the sex of course you will oblige. Meanwhile, he's told his new girlfriend(s) that he's hanging with his buddy for the weekend or going out of town so she doesn't come around but you truly hope she does. You leave to Spain and that night his new girlfriend will be back in his bed where you just were and of course she was laying there that morning just before you arrived. (Hope he has the respect to change the sheets for you.
Is it really "by chance" that you are staying a few nights in London. You really want to stay with him so his new girlfriend can catch you there with him right? It's the best revenge..."Ha ha, you may be with him now but I just had him and now you can have him back..."
And you know if you REALLY didn't want to stay with him, you'd find a way to get the money for a hotel (borrow, charge it etc) Sleep at the airport if you had to...But why when you can sleep in your ex's and have good bye sex.
Don't let the guy fill your head full of hope and lies. No one wins in this situation but the guy because he gets a lot of sex. Best thing for you, if you truly want to move on is avoid him altogether. Don't give that guy the satisfaction of knowing he has you where he wants you.
Good Luck to you!!
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Revenge? - in whose head would it be revenge? Certainly not his - regardless of the fact that you *say* it will mean nothing to you, you are trying to explain it away as revenge - if you were to be honest to yourself I think you'll find that your head will explain it as the fact that he still wants you and not his girlfriend - and in that case it will definitely screw with your head. You might be able to walk away but will it mean that you can never close the door? What happens in two years time? Ten years time? When you yourself are in a relationship? Would you still consider sleeping with him then?
If you think he'll think of it as revenge I think you're off the mark - he'll see it you still thinking of him, wanting him, no matter how relaxed you come across about it, he'll still have a smug little smile in his head.
If you really want revenge let him know you're in London but don't stay with him - then he'll know your over him and you've moved on, and even if he thinks you haven't, it'll piss him off that he can't twist you round his little finger.
You're obvioulsy still in contact with him - if you value an uncomplicated friendship you need to set new boundaries, but if as you say you are seeking revenge then it is not a friendship you are after.
Cut it short, move on and don't waste time working out how to handle it. Stay somewhere neutral and put your thoughts and energies into your trip in Spain.
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Hey guys! Guess what, I managed to change my ticket! Even though I will not be flying directly to my city in Spain, I will go to a nearby city (Sevilla) which I really want to visit also! Originally I had 5 days in London, now only 2, and my departing flight is at 6am. I am quite happy about it because I will minimize the possible pain after meeting my ex, avoid the chances of sleeping with him, and get to see a beautiful city. I much rather pay for a hotel in a city I have never been to.. now everything should be ok ;-)
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That is the best solution, well done. Keep your eye on the prize - studying in Spain. Your ex is simply a minor distraction, make sure he knows that.
Happy trails.
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bien hecho, fresa! :-) have a terrific time in spain, and don't forget your handy spanish phrases: hola, por favor, gracias, and the all-important deme un beso ;-)
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Have fun S_S! Spain is my FAVOURITE country... the food, the music, the people...
As for the ex factor.. I think you should stay away - it could turn for the worse and then you'll be stuck thinking about it in Spain when you should be having a fab time...
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tiina
20 yrs ago
Good girl S_S! I just love it when girls show some independency and can resist the urge for revenge or whatever the main reason they might have to continue tricky situations with ex's or whoever hurt their feelings. Enjoy Spain!
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