Posted by
mrs o
20 yrs ago
Happy Mothers Day to all of you! Now my tears...
I am not a materialistic person but I asked my husband this morning whether he was going to wish me a happy mother's day (and certainly not expecting a gift or flowers although it would have been nice). He replied "Is it mother's day?". I said "yes, why else do you think I sent your mother flowers for MOTHER'S day?". He said he thought it was mother's day in the southern hempisphere and not the northern (as father's day is different). Anyway, here's the deal - regardless of whether it is or isnt, he doesnt really care (read: doesnt care at all). My friends had superb days and I feel like I always miss out (my third mother's day). Here's the deal: if I dont get the fuss and bother from him, I dont get it from anyone. My three year old is too little to shop for a card (we always make him one and do something for father's day). Am I being a sook or should I just get over it?
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Sounds uncannily like my day - I'm on my 8th mother's day - I've given up, my husband will never get it.
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crj
20 yrs ago
My husband forgot too - but it is not important to me.
Mothers Day is a commercial holiday, it is more important to me that I know I am loved, respected and appreciated every day. I would rather have my husband home with, helping to change nappies and maybe letting me nap than going out and buying flowers and a card.
I know he loves me. I know he cares. I also know that things like holiday dates are not as important as our every day actions.
If it is really important to you, I suggest next year booking a mothers day brunch at one of your favourite places, regularly reminding your husband about the brunch and the need to 'dress appropriately', and telling him straight out that you are going out/to nap while he helps your child make a card for you - leave out the paper, crayons and everything he needs!
It is not that he doesn't love you - he just doesn't know what you want, forgets the date, and needs serious prodding. :)
My husband commented to me "I did know it was mother's day, and I meant to do something, but..." And yes, we do get confused between UK and USA/AUS mothers day - because they are different!
We have the date of our wedding inscribed in our rings for a reason... at least he has no excuse to forget that one!
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Sounds like my hubby, but what can one do! My son opened up the card and handy craft that his teacher had kindly wrapped up and then admired it himself, (it was not for me!!!), proceeded to show me how the 'necklace' he made was supposed to go on his own neck, but ended up snapping the elastic and we ended up with beads everywhere! Quite hilarious actually!
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My husband and my son bought me flowers on Saturday eventhough I had mentioned several times that I much prefer a little gift to flowers (I am a very practical person).Anyway, I was delighted to receive
them. But what I really want to say is that it is NOT okay for husband and children to not acknowledge a special day like "Mother"s Day". They don"t have to go all out to celebrate MD. But little gestures like a pat at the back from your hubby or hugs and kisses from your children along with a small card would be wonderful. Most of our husbands do appreciate us as mothers. Unfortunately, kids are so spoilt these days, they need to be taught the meaning of celebrating MD from very early ages.I always remind my children
that they are my priorities and that I have sacreficed a great deal to take care of them. Otherwise, they may think that mommy is just like a "helper". So O mother, please be proud and always remind your family that Mother"s Day is coming up and teach your kids to appreciate their mothers.
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I agree with faithful - even though MD could be construed as a commercial day for mothers- I still think it is important for Fathers to help their children undertsand and appreciate their mothers - a hand made card with the children's handprints, a picture drawn for mummy - needn't be expensive gifts - something that mums will appreciate.
My kids are now 16 and under - they remember Mothers day and drag their fahter out to find a card and special present that they choose - I have a file of wonderful hand made gifts and cards from the kids over the years. If you do not receive any recognition on any other day of the year - at least on MD it gives permission and and a reminder on what Mums and Dads do for the family.
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Mothering Sunday - as it is called in the UK - began as an annual event back in the 1600s when domestic servants were allowed a day off work to visit their mothers and families.
So, tell your family you don't expect gifts or flowers, just that you will be taking the day off work so they are on their own.
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crj
20 yrs ago
Claire - ha ha
As to the above, I do agree it is important for the children - with just a very small one I keep forgetting that we will need to do these things when he is a bit older!!
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bw
20 yrs ago
Teaching children to appreciate mothers should be incorporated daily just as we teach them every thing else in life. Mother's Day just makes it easier for you to then ignore your mom all year long and then make up for it with a hastily bought card and flowers on MD. My husband and I never celebrate MD or valentine's day. I feel loved and cherished by my husband and don't feel the need to set aside these days for celebrating. Any day that my 4 year old is giving me a hard time my hubby loses no time in lecturing him how hard I worked on that meal he's refusing, or how much I do for him etc. Watching him my son is growing up to be the same affectionate loving little boy. Gives me hugs in the middle of his game at the park. Tells me he loves me every chance he gets. Tells me he thinks of me when he is at school. My hubby may not remember MD but when he goes on business trips and is browsing in the bookshops he remembers I mentioned I wanted to read some book and brings it for me..I love those surprises that comes out of the blue. The week long holiday he planned for us at a fabulous resort after I was down having suffered 2 m/cs.
Our sunday (MD) was like any other day and I don't feel I missed out on anything. My son bought home a card they made at preschool but I'd trade them for his impromptu kisses and hugs any day. I'm now in my first trimester and having a lot of nausea, not yet told my 4 yr old that I'm pregnant. He thinks I'm sick and I've been sick for too long now. He used to pray to God to fix his broken toys and was asking me why god is not fixing them ? I told him it's because he was naughty yesterday. He said "no God is busy trying to make you better so he doesn't have time to fix broken toys, so it's ok" A really AWWWWW moment for me !
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CRJ has great idea. Book the brunch yourself, remind hubby frequently of the date. Give hubby some crayons, glitter, glue gun, confetti, and paper and tell him to help little chap make a nice card for you. On the evening before, remind family that tomorrow is mother's day so you will be sleeping in until time for the brunch. If all goes well, little chap will pester you and want to shower you with so much affection you won't have a chance to sleep in and maybe hubby will bring you coffee and a newspaper in bed. Brunch will go fine, and during afternoon children will all want to spend so much time together that you won't have a moment for yourself. Of course, nobody will think about supper either, so decide ahead of time how you want to manage this, as well!
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It was my first Mother's Day on Sunday and the best gift my 9 week old gave me was going to bed at 7pm without any fuss! But nothing from daddy, of course - his excuse is that this is the American version and that the UK one was in March, so that's over! But to give him credit, he did help to look after baby the whole weekend as I was fighting a bad cold!
I do agree though that while expensive gifts are not important, it's nice to have a little something from your family - can't wait for when the little one comes home from preschool next time with a badly drawn card for me!
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We've never celebrated Mother's Day in a big way since our two children arrived but I don't mind ... I have a really supportive husband in so many other ways. So this Sunday I got the kid's up and made them a special breakfast and when my husband emerged from the bedroom my eldest called out "Happy Mother's Day, Daddy!" He had no idea. Priceless.
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mrs o
20 yrs ago
Thanks everyone and so lovely to hear your stories! Fact remains - I am not supported any day, let alone mother's day and perhaps I thought this was "my day" and maybe something nice would happen. Alas, it did not. I really would like my little one to think of others (she does) but I took her to the card store to choose a surprise card for mummy. I felt like a loser. We did the same for Christmas and my birthday. Sad. Really it is. My daughter is always "making things for dad" because she loves to create for him as that is what I taught her. Would be grand to have it returned somewhat.
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mrs o: I know the feeling and what you're talking about. My birthday, mother's day etc has always "just been another day" for my husband. I don't get much support around the house or with my son, I might as well be a single parent. I've been married 10 years with an 8 year old son, and although I always hope, nothing ever happens. The good thing is that although my husband doesn't particularly care, as your child gets older, he/she will do something and make you feel special. My son made me a great card last birthday and bought me lunch on Sunday!
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bw
20 yrs ago
I'm so sorry you feel that way mrs o, if your hubby is not going to do it I think you should start teaching your little girl to appreciate you more not just dad. I don't think there's anything wrong in taking your daughter yourself to choose a card for you. You know your family best, if they need more prodding and reminding then do so. Tell your husband exactly what you would like - flowers/dinner whatever. Tell him how unappreciated you feel even if it's not a surprise it will feel nice. He wouldn't refuse you would he ?
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