Dealing with tantrums / naughty behaviour

Hi - I'm looking for any advice or tips for dealing with my son who is now 2 yrs 10mths.


Usually he's a good boy, but this past week he's suddenly become absolutely impossible, and I'm struggling. Nothing's happened to upset him and he's not ill.


Today he had 1-2 tantrums per hour EVERY HOUR for the whole day! (Help!!!) I've tried every trick in the book. I've tried time out - it doesn't work. I've tried kneeling down looking into his face directly when talking to him - to no avail.


The issues are really trivial. One tantrum was because a piece of tissue paper failed to flush away when we flushed the loo. He's hit his 15 month old brother and made him cry more times than I can count today.


He's usually a really lovely little boy - I just don't know what's going on . I'm certain nothing has happened that could have upset him. Every time he does something wrong, he knows it's wrong at the time of doing it.


I only have one helper for the moment (another will be starting next month) and my husband works long hours and so can't help. Does anyone have any ideas that I haven't tried yet? Or has anyone had a similar experience? (If it's "just a phase" I'd really like to know how long it lasts!)


Thanks

I've gone through the same problem with my 5 y.o daughter. She used to be very nice and kind of quiet type of girl, but when she's going through this "phase"...... I just can't imagine facing her when she's 15!!!


For my daughter, it'll last for a month or so. The first time she started acting this way was last year (she's 4 then). I was soooo frustrated that I even thought about taking her to see a child psychologist. I really didn't know what to do anymore. I've tried EVERYTHING! Same like you, I also knelt down to her level to talk. I screamed at her. I sent her to her room. etc. etc. The tension in the house was just too much!


After she's calmed down (or after she's passed this "phase"), when I looked back, I had to admit that I MYSELF was stressed out and at that time. If only I could deal with her calmly, it might not have been this difficult.


Is his brother learning something new? Such as maybe starting to walk? starting to babble more words? etc, etc.... something that makes him want more ATTENTION from you.


Again, when I looked back, when my daughter had this last year (she's the eldest one), I realized that all her action could've been triggered by the fact that her younger sister started going to the same school, and the other sister (the youngest one) started walking.


She just had another "episode" again last month, which lasted about 1 month. The problem? We had separate Easter vacation. She and her youngest sister came with me, and daddy went with the other one. Whenever we're together, she wanted SOLE attention from my husband all the time. And when she didn't get it, she'd have trantrum.... big time!


The best way to deal with this, from experience? Try to talk. If he still does it, ignore him. Yes!!!!! IGNORE! I find this very useful when dealing with my daughter. After she's calmed down, then I'll talk to her.


Sorry if it's long :) I can feel your frustration. Really! I was just there last month :P Hope you find this useful.


All the best!

Snow Rose, my children are almost the same ages as yours and I am going through a very similar thing with my daughter. Micchira has some excellent advice and I do find that calming myself down first, then trying to talk her out of it, helps both me and her. Walking away also sometimes does the trick. I have to say these ages are more challenging that I'd expected and aren't we tested by our children!! Best of luck and let us know how things go.

I went through the same with my 2.5yr old son about a month ago. He was like a different child, having tantrums about the most trivial of things, screaming for no apparent reason, throwing things around. I tried to deal with it the best I could, but it did stress me out. I found that ignoring him worked wonders. My husband used to get my son to count to 5, which worked as it distracted him. It was not easy when I was out and about and he had a tantrum, the looks I would get from people were just ridiculous. Anyway, the phase passed and hes back to his lovable self. Hang in there, Im sure the phase will pass.

http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/momsdads/threads/80729.asp


This was a thread I posted a while ago and I got lots of great suggestions (and funny stories) from different moms...some of them really made a difference with my daughter and some were just supportive and warm in their response.

Have you tried smacking? Watch the Super Nanny and learn. My three year old son is a nutcase but a smack every now and then and getting down to his level and the threat of no toys, no cartoons, no chocolates etc usually works wonders. Also an apple ipod is god's gift to all suffering mothers.

I use Super Nanny's "Naughty Chair" method once in a while and it works on my 5-yr-old son. He drags sitting on the naughty chair. When he finishes ( he sits for about 2 minutes facing a big wall), I will go down to his eye level and explain why he is being punished loud and clearly. Be consistent, don't go soft-hearted.

Also, I truly believe that diet plays a big part in a child's behaviors. Try not to feed your children processed, canned and packaged food. I know it is not easy to entirely avoid these food, but the high sugar, salt and preservatives really

make them irritable and cranky. One last advice, Snowrose, you MUST MUST set up routines and boundaries for your children. This way, your children will know what's coming and feel very secured and will be a lot calmer. Good luck.

being a mpther of four who has seen most things as they grew up -I would like to suggest you look at what they have eaten in the days leading up to and including the day of the tantrums. Eliminate ANYTHING with artificial colours, flavourings and preservatives from their diet and see if that makes a difference. This includes tomato ketchup, cup noodles, store bought bread, 'snack' type items, all flavoured soda, and store bought biscuits. It changed the personalities of our children very quickly - bringing them all into the 'normal' sphere of behaviour with limited tantrums.

Hi snow rose,

My daughtetr did the same thing at the same age.

I followed the supernanny method of the 'naughty chair.'

I told her what the chair was for & that she would have to sit on it till she was sorry for what she did.

In the begining, she would run from the chair & scream & all I did was put her right back in it calmly ( it took several trips back to the chair first few times)& without losing my temper. She eventually realised that I was not giving in. I too found myself being very calm by this method.

After about 2-3 minutes, I would go to her & ask her if she would behave herself. She had to end her punishment by hugging me & apologizing. If she went right back to being a brat, she would end up in the chair a minute or two longer. All she was allowed to do on the chair was to sit very quietly. I would go about doing my normal things but kept an eye on her.

It really worked wonders. In about 3 days she got over her tantrums & because her lovely self again.

I had reached the end of my tether when I resorted to the ' naughty chair' & it was the best thing I did! Just make sure the chair/ seat is in a safe area & it has to be a plain simple chair.

All the best...it does pass...

I'll just add a tiny comment that a lot of times when I see a child having a fit in a store, it's almost as if I can look at the child and tell from the cry that he is just really tired and / or overstimulated. Toddlers still need a quiet time in the afternoon even after they have outgrown their nap. If they learn the habit of reading a book and / or having quiet time in their room every day for 45 mins or so, after lunch or somewhere around 1 to 3 PM, you may find that the over-tired crying sessions and unreasonable demands decrease.

But also, if this is a sudden change in your son's behavior then you really can look for something that has changed. Teething, another child who is bullying him at preschool and causing stress, worries about something. You have to ask and see if he will tell you. Just say, "this is really not like you, what is really wrong?" The answers may really surprise you.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and tips!


The situation has already improved - he's just having 1-2 short tantrums per day now (which is 1-2 more than before this business started). But anyway, I find that manageable.


Thanks again for all your tips!