Dear gals, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I realise the fact that eventhough I am so in love with him, I dont really wanna marry him. The thing is, he seldom cherish or appreciate me.. I told myself that if god think that i only deserved to this far.. then i should accepted it (i know it sounds silly), eventhough he cheated on me once. To be honest, I feel extremely happy to be with him, but too much caring and giving leaving myself pretty empty... I seriously talked about this with him for a couple of times.. but seems nothing much has been changed. We broke up last week, he promise me he will make me happy again and cherish me for the rest of my life.. he used the best of his effort to ask for frogiveness .. I really dunno what to do..
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Sorry to say this - but people don't change unless they REALLY want to. Or they probably change for a little while...
You just have to work out if you can accept how he treats you now.
As Fanfare says - this is the hardest time.. most vunerable... but 6 years is a long time - I'm sure you know already or not if you believe what he says is true...
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Thank you gals, you may not know how much you gals have lighten up my day.. well, I am still confused at the moment.... I guess it take times to heal my wounds plus think about what I really want for the rest of my life..
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Yah, hanging out with Mr. Wrong makes it practically impossible to meet Mr. Right.
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I have a suggestion...
Why don't you make a list (I love making lists).
List 1 - Make a list of the things that you want out of a partner and what you want out of a relationship for the rest of your life.
Compare this list to what you are currently getting out of the relationship - and this should make it clearer. I suggested this to my friend once and it helped her out alot.
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Hi,
I am going through exactly the same thing as what u are going through. However, we got engaged cause I thought maybe he would change for me. We dated 3 years long distance and got engaged for 2 year. Now 5 years I look back and like u have I have no good memories of him appreciating me. So when I found out that he cheated on me (slept with prostitute), I decided to leave him, now he wants me back badly. Says he took me for granted and would change for the better, knows what he really wants now. We are seperated, with some space apart he now believes he can do better and communicate more.
I've chosen him try to show me how he will change, but I am constantly asking myself do I still love him as much? And I know for a fact he never bothered to compromise and devote himself for me, will he ever know how. You need to ask yourself, is this what u want? And if he really wants u back he will need to earn your trust and get u back. Not within a week or two, but months if he can do that, may just maybe he knows what he wants.
If a man really loves u, he should put the effort to get u back. The thing is don't be afraid of moving on, and I am sure u are a much better person than he is. Cause I know I am.
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Good on you Oriental Butterfly.
You shouldn't have to wait around and remind your partner for appreication - they should know it and show you.
I'm so sorry to hear about how you have both been cheated on... it has happened to me before and I left him and never looked back.
If you're left wondering now... you'll probably wonder forever.
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yeah I agree with that. Don't look to someone else for your own happiness. But I still believe everyone in a relnship needs to feel appreciated
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That's ridiculous! So what is a one-night stand considered then? an intimate relationship revealing all your inner feelings?
Sleeping with someone else = cheating. PERIOD
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and you would not consider sleeping with someone on a one night stand, whilst with a partner, cheating?
So different rules for different situations?
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jade you know the answer. don't be silly like me and think it will be all okay and get married. it doesn't change those feelings, they will not go away. If you know its not right then you know noone can tell you. I found this out far too late be strong girl and listen to your own voice inside
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rititt, whatever...
Pls don't come onto a Women's only forum and try and justify why its' ok for a man to sleep with other women...
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Ed
20 yrs ago
Please note men are not allowed to post on this forum - if we suspect a male behind a post a ban will result
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How are you doing JAde butterfly? I hope some of our advice has helped.. when I mean some, I mean SOME...
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Jade butterfly, how are you doing? Be strong ask yourself what u want.
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Hi everyone! You "gals" advices actually help me alot....no kidding, I almost drop my tears when I read Oriental Butterfly's words ,, esp " .. Cause I know I am".. he still rang me everyday n ask for meeting up etc... I have a kind of feeling that I somehow wanna let go with this 6-year relationship.. I made my best effort try to impress him in many ways ...but still, he just took in for granted in these years
I dont wanna change myself to make somone in love with me, but I want someone who love me as whom I am... gals, thank you very much for your advices once again...
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Jade, I've been reading through the posts. I believe that everyone deserves the best. Why go for second best or even worse, someone who doesn't treat you right? What's important to you? Your happiness isn't it? Why be stuck in a rut and be unhappy in a relationship or worse in a marriage? And what happens when the kids come along? Sorry, in my line of work, i see too many kids being screwed up because of the mistakes their parents made. Have a good think about it. If he makes you happy, love you...stay with him. But if he doesn't....move on
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