Just about had enough!

Before anyone tells me to do a search as 'it has been covered on Asiaxpat before', hear me out.


I have a nearly 4 year old that insists on crying nearly consistently over the most trivial of things. Today it was beacuse she was not allowed to eat her candy before lunch. I know i could have given in but what does that teach her. She refuses to use her words favouring bawling her eyes out and it is just scraping away at me and it is beginning to make me dislike her which hurts me.


Please someone help and give me some hints on what to do, have tried time out, sending her to a room, ignoring it but it just ain't working and is beginning to have an effect on my husband and I.

Oj -


here's a hug from me to you first of all. You sound exhausted from dealing with your daughter's behavior. My daughter sometimes really wears me thin as well as doing EVERYTHING is a battle - cutting nails, doing her hair, washing her face etc.


I think you are doing the right thing by not giving in to her. Consistency is the most important with discipline - if you say something you have to mean it. Follow through, "I'm sorry, if you don't like what I am saying, then you can't have any candy at all" or something like that.


Many parents talk about the "choices" method - it is clearly outlined in the book "Love and Logic" by Jim Fay, and they actually have a new version targeted specifically at kids your daughters age. In this method, you try to give your daughter some power by giving her choices. "Do you want to keep your candy at the table or by the TV so you can have it after lunch?" "Red socks or purple socks?" Many kids are exerting their own self will and personality and need a chance to express it.


Good luck - I probably haven't been all that helpful, but I hope that something will click with you as more people respond.

Thanks ladies, she crept into our bed last night beacuse of the storm and i took one look at her this morning and just melted, so here's hoping yesterday was just a down day. But off to buy the book anyhow.

Hello OJ -

I recently suffered from a similar problem with my son, who is nearly 3. He's improved since I wrote my post requesting advice. In the long term, however, I think he could do with more stimulation.


In Hong Kong so many parents push their kids way too hard, cramming the day with as many private lessons as possible. So I thought I was being really kind and doing my son a favour by only arranging one private Chinese lesson per week in addition to his playgroup (3 sessions a week). Now I'm starting to realise maybe he needs more.


If pre-schoolers don't have enough to think about they may start to act up. I'm not going to fill up my boy's schedule until it's overloaded. I mean just teach him some concepts that are fairly difficult that he can mull over during his free play. At his age, difficult stuff might be learning to recognise alphabet letters or even short words such as 'dog' and 'boy'. He can already recognise all the numbers from 0-9.


Your daughter is a bit older. Still, check that she's being challenged at kindergarten. Tell tale signs include a bright child, top of the class, acting up worse when she has nothing to do, or if she has to stay in all day during rainy weather / typhoon.


If she's being challenged intellectually, maybe she needs more physical activity? AKA wear her out so she doesn't pick fights with you. No need for expensive clubs if you don't like, just make a point of getting her to a playground or playroom for 1-2 hours a day. Make sure she runs about a lot while there so that she's nice and tired when you bring her home. An added advantage of this is that she'll eat up all her dinner without you having to nag her. It's great - I do this with both my boys every day!

I agree with Snow Rose, and I also find that when my daughter has a playmate over for an afternoon, she is really much more well behaved, and exhausted afterwards that there IS no energy or time for her to be "cranky" or "naughty."


She's a perfect little angel after school, an outing, a play date, and during vacation. She will tell me she's tired, and just plops into her bed with a bottle of milk and sleep for hours. She will cooperate during a meal if she has "spent" her energy doing lessons, school, and playing with others. If left alone at home, with nothing to stimulate her mind and body.... she will come up with a WHOLE lot of things to drive us all crazy.

It's funny, mu eldest is an angel and i suppose i do compare, which i know is wrong but so far today she has been delightful. I also think she is going through 'growing pains' as her leg bines ache, so that may be an excuse.

As for the nutrition thing, i have an appointment for her to go see Dr Jennifer Walker, so fingers crossed and everyone thanks. Every once in a while you need to check that your not the only mother feeling this way.

could you tell me more about DR J Walker?

I believe Jennifer Walker is a Naturapath and homeopath - I don't think she is a "dr"? Do correct me if I am wrong though. Have seen yher previously - where is she now as I have some stuff to return to her!

I'm going to her as i have a couple of friends who have gone through the same thing with their children, more or less, and the turnaround of their behaviour once they have been tested for food allerigies is astounding.

Just on a lighter note. One time my daughter was so terribly fussy all the time but especially ornery around meal times. So we took her to the doctor to have her evaulated for low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). Her blood sugar was normal. Turns out, the consensus of medical opinion was that she was fussy simply because she was (get this). . . hungry! When she's really difficult, ask yourself whether there's a possibility she is hungry, tired, off schedule, teething, anxious or distressed about anything (could even be she is anxious because mommy is fussy), coming down with a cold, etc. Peace to you! If mom needs a sanity break, it's perfectly legitimate to take one. After lunch, tell her you need some quiet time and ask her to read quietly in her room while you do the same for awhile. Everyone needs some space now and again! If you find yourself continually worn thin, ask yourself if you are getting enough sleep overall. Coping is more difficult when you are sleep deprived.

Hi there,

Took my little one to see Jennifer Walker and it is as though a lightbulb has gone off ( i know i sound very Oprah) but she asked lots of questions about routine, what she does when, what she eats, blah, blah, blah and just talking to her was fantastic. She is a very calming lady plus my child just loved her.

Anyway, myself and child stayed with her for about 30 mins going through questions and i stayed another 1 hour (!), she looked in her eyes, nails and upper arms and it turns out from this she has a magnesium and zinc deficency, both aid growth and the nervous system. She also took a hair sample and should hear back in three weeks.

In the meantime we are to avoid dairy, wheat and sugar.

I'm not normally into all this naturapath stuff and sometimes feel that people need to blame something, however after nearly 2.5 years of this behaviour in some form, and me trying everything in the book and going by my instincts (and being a damn good, non neurotic mother) i feel this could be the light at the end of the tunnel.

She can be found at Garley Bldg, 50 Peel Street. I don't have her number but do a search for Jennifer Walker Zama in google.