Trust

Is there anyone at there that can give my friend and I help.

We are both going through the same thing,can you ever trust a husband of 20+ yrs again after you find out they have been out having casual sex for more than a year while away on work projects.

Both think it is normal as everyone does it and we are making a big issue of it all as they say there is no emotional commitment. We have stayed for our children who are finishing school but what to do once they are gone. Do we love them we really don't even know as they were the centre of our lives......

I think you should seek professional help / counselling. I have been married for 30+ years and in that time my husband has had a few casual affairs. I stumnbled across these affairs by accident and felt as you feel. Each time he promised me he would not do it again as he would fall apart if I walked away from the marriage.


After being in HK for 18 months I again stumbled upon a casual affair he was having with a married Chinese girl in his office. She has since left the company but he continues to keep in contact with her 2 years later. He says it means nothing to him but boosts his ego and cannot see any harm in it.


Our children are no longer dependant on us but know that they will be upset but life is too short to be continually hurt so I am waiting to build up my own nest egg then I will be off.


Think about yourself and the life ahead of you. Do you want to have this happening to you in 5, 10 or even more years?


Again, seek porofessional advice before you do anything. I will be thinking of you.

Ah, that old chestnut! Product of a wanderlust father and now also have travelling husband. Everyone has differing trust boundaries and knows what they will/won't accept but in these scenarios it looks like the men won't change their behavior as they don't believe they're doing anything wrong. Whether you love them or not, do you believe they still love you? respect you? Honestly, would they treat you this way if they did? Unless you're in the marriage for reasons other than love then it might be better to pack what dignity you have and start to think about yourself(ves). Many children (myself included) wish the parents hadn't "waited until they left home" as you're not hiding tense atmospheres as well as you think! Decisions have to be made by you though but you deserve more...............

ceeh, that's the best course of action - building your nest egg. it is the one universally useful piece of advice for all women.


by all means love your beloved as deeply, blindly, faithfully, and heedlessly as you like - just have a pile of walking-away money ready.


best of luck to you ladies, my heart goes out to you. thanks for sharing your experiences - as painful as they are, they can benefit others by forcing them to open their eyes to reality.

Love and respect come hand in hand. Having affairs is not respectful. That is cheating. How to trust someone who cheats. I am sorry to hear your plights.


Your children are old enough to understand if you want a divorce.

Are there any couples that have been able to save their marriages or do they all leave or seperate? We have looked at the option of conselling but still we are left wondering does it work out. Thanks for the feed back alot that has been said is basically how we feel but have stayed to let children finish school and move on to uni and the next stage of their lives.

i can only tell you about two couples i personally knew/know.


one was an expat couple from the uk who came to manila several years ago - married for 10 years, one child in elementary school. after two years here, he ended up with a bar girl, she left for home with their child, they eventually divorced. he married the bar girl. the wife struggled for a long time back home.


another couple: friends of my parents, married 38 years when the wife found out that her husband had been keeping another woman, with a 9-year-old child (yes, his). a very long story but i suppose you could call it the equivalent of counseling: they went to my parents and asked for help in saving their marriage. end result: they stayed together but the husband had to give up the woman and child, and it took more than a year of real soul-searching by BOTH parties, especially the wife who had to acknowledge her own role in driving her husband away to seek a life with someone else.


these things don't happen in a vacuum. if you want more details, PM me.

I was in a relationship with a pilot for a number of years and left him because he was always out drinking with his friends and hardly ever spent any time with me. I couldnt understand why he wanted to be with me, his actions certainly told another story. Anyway, I plucked up the courage to leave him and consequently many, many people came out of the woodwork and told me he'd been cheating on me. He'd apparently slept with several girls I socialised with, random girls in bars and even prostitutes. It was a horrible time in my life and I couldnt help but feel bitter towards him and how wasted the years I'd been with him had been. Now I put it down to experience cause what else can I do?! You cant let the bitterness eat you up because there really are decent men out there who dont cheat on their wives and girlfriends. I know several good guys and always think how lucky their women are and hope that they appreciate them because in this town its so easy to cheat. And the women are just as bad as the men. There are so many desperate girls in this town looking for love that they're willing to break up relationships and families to do it. Personally, now I have found peace with what my ex did to me, I've never been happier. Relationships should enhance your life and make it better than what it would be if you were on your own. If you love your husband and can still laugh with him, and enjoy spending time with him then maybe you should consider staying with him... but possibly enjoying some extra curricular activities of your own. I dont condone cheating one little bit but I think when you've been together for a very long time it is difficult to keep the sex life interesting. I know several couples who love each other but also play away from home with each other's consent and it seems to work for them. If you cant face leaving him, maybe you shoudl talk to him about having an open relationship. He cant really say no considering his past actions! Good luck and keep your chin up.