Posted by
Janey88
20 yrs ago
Hello, Would love some advise on how to get a 4 -5 month old baby to fall asleep on her own. Is it too young to start? She always insists that I rock her to sleep and sometimes during the daytime will not let me put her down. She sleeps well during the night 10.30pm - 8am. It is just getting her to sleep that is the problem. I am trying to rock her a little then put her in her cot, but sometimes she refuses and just cries even if I stay in the room with her. Would appreciate any advise. Thanks so much.
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crj
20 yrs ago
I think it is great you want to teach her to sleep on her own - it is a great skill to have.
I have no idea if what we did was just luck or the 'right' thing to do - I am sure others will have better ideas.
Our baby is 5 months, and has been falling asleep alone for a long time. We made this a priority for us.
We put him down when he was tired, yawming, but awake... sometimes he cried for 5-15 minutes, then slept. He needs to cry sometimes to let off stress before sleeping.
We have a very regular bedtime ritual at night - bath, massage, new nappy, swaddle, feed, bed.
For daytime naps it is also regular - wrap loosely in light blanket, put down while awake but tired.
I also did something silly, no idea if it helped, we have a soft toy, I wore it next to me (in my cleavage) for a day, and left it near him. That way he could smell me.
If he cries for 15 minutes, we go and check on him, be sure he is okay, change nappy, burp, re-swaddle, put back to bed. But he hasn't done that in ages, and when he does then something is probably wrong - burp or hungry - so we attend to his needs.
There are lots of books/websites about this, and a few threads on this forum will also help a lot.
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I am still working on this falling asleep on baby's own thingy but I realised that I had to stop rocking/patting him to sleep...can you imagine how tiring/stressful it would be as they grow heavier?
what i have started doing is after his evening feed (there is a bedtime routine sort of like crj's), even if he is awake, i swaddle him and put him in bed, turn on cot mobile and i leave the room. sometimes he falls asleep asap, sometimes he gurgles to the cot mobile and then falls asleep and in the past 3 nights, he's found his thumb so he is half swaddled - first night fell asleep on his own. last two nights - crying for 15 mins and about 5mins tonight. i cuddled him when he cried but once he calmed down, i put him down asap and he eventually drifted off on his own. they are obviously tired in the evening and i guess they don't like the feeling and just want to fight it. it's still a hit and miss but it beats endless patting/rocking.
keeping working on it, i know i am!!! :)
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crj
20 yrs ago
Wheelymate - sounds like you are doing great!!
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suze
20 yrs ago
Good for you guys, I have 3 children the first 2 I never forced the issue of making them go to sleep on their own, my first still at 4 would not and my second who is almost 3 still comes out of her room when she wakes up. My 3rd who is almost 4 months from day one I have put her in her cot awake and she goes to sleep by herself and if she wakes will chatter for a bit before going back to sleep. Really think it is important that they learn this for you and them!! Good luck!
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kooni
20 yrs ago
I agree TOTALLY with crj. I have done this with #2 since about 6 weeks, and it's worked perfectly. Only addition to crj's comments are that the object she puts in the crib with her baby is a transitional object. Works like a charm. This object becomes the sleep-association, settling toy which should only be introduced at sleep times. We used a blankie with #1 and now a little soft and flat puppet with #2. Routines are best. I know it's tough love, but we have to be able to stand letting them cry for a bit after we've left the room. Not for too long. Just long enough to let off steam as posted above. Otherwise, we'll have them in our beds forever! Learning to fall asleep is a skill many of us have still not mastered. Start 'em early so we are all well rested for life. Good luck!
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crj
20 yrs ago
Just to add to this...
Last night, he went to bed as always at around 7pm...
At 7:45 he cried, which is very unusual. So I waited 10 minutes to see if he was just settling himself, or if he needed me. I went in after 10 minutes, he ate another 5 minutes and went back to bed. (now 5 minutes might not sound like a lot, but most of his meals are 15 or less, so this is a lot for him)
Becasue I know he can fall asleep on his own, I know he was not 'playing' with me. He was really hungry and needed to eat.
Knowing that he can sleep on his own gives me more understanding of his needs, and allows me to respond better to help him.
And this morning he was smiling as ever when I walked into his room at 6:30... we still don't know when he actually wakes up - but at 6:30 he is all smiles and happiness.
Kooni - thanks for explaining the 'transitional object' - I just made that up, wasn't sure if it actually helped or was coincidence. :)
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My baby is 4 months and we've done the reading your baby's signs methods, check for rubbing eyes, yawns and grumpiness etc... We did a "3 yawns and you're out" system and would count them to her and after 3 yawns she'd be in her cot awake. Yes, at first this meant nap times could be a bit random but now she's totally in a routine. I've never left her to cry but have used a dummy to soothe her when she's upset. Nowadays she's usually found her thumb before I've even done the grobag up most nap times and she's away....
Not sure if that helps but I do think reading your baby's signs will help you know when she needs sleep and help you to put her down before she's too grumpy - The Baby Whisperer writes about this quite well though I don't agree with all her ideas
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Naps are pretty much still disastrous for me...i put him in bed the minute i catch him yawning or rubbing his eyes...he'll go to sleep on his own quite ok but it doesn't last, that's the problem. he's looking for me, i know because he stops the minute i sit next to him. so maybe the transitional object method will help!
ok, my thoughts about bedtime: as much as possible, i want him to sleep on his own. i have not done the rocking/patting in a long time. and i have hardened my heart and learn that babies sometimes cry at bedtime, they're tired, don't like the feeling and don't really know what to do about it. but at the same time, i am not super strict. i know he is really tired so if he cries for a long time, i will go to him and cuddle him - i don't let a cuddle stand between his trip to dreamland and a quiet evening for me. but i put him down once he calms down so that drifts off in the cot, not in my arms. i know some parents let their kids cry until they vomit (think one of the recent threads referred to it) and it worked, which is great but i haven't got the heart to do it!!
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Thanks everyone for all the great advise and encouragement. I will try the bedtime soft toy/blanket. I don't mind letting her cry a little, but just can't bear to let her cry for too long. Hopefully the toy/blanket will be the easier gentler option! Will also read some of the books suggested.
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This afternoon, he napped better. But bedtime I had to exercise tough love. I put him in bed about 6.30pm as i know he needs time to fall asleep - but after the cuddling and sitting next to him didn't help, i thought, let him cry it out for abit and see...he cried for 15 minutes..i kept peeping into the room just to make sure he was ok, didn't puke up his feed, etc. and after 15 mins, observed he looked around the room, realised nobody was coming to him and then finally decided to suck his thumb and fall asleep. 15 mins of crying sounded like an eternity, i had to busy myself with the computer and writing cheques to block it out!!!!!
hope the situation improves and that he doesn't "punish" me for "abandoning" him by waking up at 3am tonight!!!
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Hello, Managed to get baby to fall asleep on her own the last three nights without any crying!!! Daytime naps are still a bit difficult though. Thanks again!
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crj
20 yrs ago
Yeah!!
That is great news! Well done!
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last 3 nights, he cried....fri night was about 15 mins but last 2 nights shorter, more whimpering than crying...but he gives up eventually. the first time he cries, i go in, cuddle to let him know i've not "abandoned" him, put him down again and leave room. if he continues to cry..i wait for 15 mins before i go in...so far he's fallen asleep before that.
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