Have your close friends forgotten you?

Question for expats/people who relocated far away from home.


Ever felt like you close girl friend(s) have forgotten you?


I find it harder to make friends as I grow older. In fact the 4 years that I have been in Singapore, I've only made 2 'real' friends.


I tried keeping in touch with old friends via phone calls and met up with them on my trips back home.


But I guess life goes on, and friendships move on too, at least in my situation. I don't make friends fast and easily, but my close friends are social animals- the type that is the life of a party. Good for them, really but not for me. It's not like they really forget or neglect our friendship, but they can't help it oz they have too many friends


Don't get me wrong-we are still friends and have no problems sitting down and sharing a good laugh anytime.


Recently in Feb my closest girl friend moved to Melbourne for her studies. I saw her off at the airport, happy for her fresh start, shed tears for the camaraderie that we (or in retrospect, I) will miss.


3 weeks in Melb-not a single news or call. I called her mom to ask if she was OK, got her number and managed to speak to her.


5 months down the line, hardly any news save 1 or 2 smses. No phone calls.


Of course friendship is not a barter exchange. But when I came to Singapore I called her a few times a month/week for hour long chats, steadily for the past 4 years.


Her mom said she has been really very busy-this I have no doubt. But I have never been too busy till I can't call or sms a friend.


Anyway 2 weeks ago, I smsed my friend and asked her how are things. She told me-Check out my new Blog for more news.


What blog? Oh it's blablabla address.


So I went in and saw that she had been posting up witticisms on the net and sharing it with 'her' friends, who also have their own 'witty' blogs. Talking about the new friends she's been spending time with, getting drunk etc.


Maybe I'm expecting too much. I know she still loves me as a friend but I should really find more friends closer to where I am.


*sigh*

Don't be sad. Sometimes friendships - however close - just "grow apart". I had a very close friend for the last 23 years. We go back a long time and we went through quite some hardship together on the way. She is in Europe, I am since 16 years in Asia. I always made a point of seeing her when back in Europe and keeping in touch via phone and mail/email. A while ago I realized how one-sided the friendship had become. There was not even a birthday card from her. I am getting married later this year and it was only natural for me to invite her. I sent the invitation out in February requesting to RSVP until May 1st (we also have to arrange accomondation). I haven't heard anything until I sent a mail last week to tell her that she is off the list due to the fact that she has not confirmed or cancelled. I tried to contact her for that last 4 weeks, but calls were not answered and messages not replied to.

All hell broke lose when she got my message last week. I now consider her a former friend.

I made new friends during the years I lived in Asia, but she was still important to me...

Oh my! Did she explain why she was not contactable?


It is hard mantaining long distance friendships. Most of the time people talk about long distance relationships but this is something I don't hear about much.


Anyway congratulations on your up and coming wedding! When is the big day?


Regarding my friend, I guess I'm really disappointed that I got this from her. We spoke many times in the past about another close friend whom we hardly heard from after graduation, She had felt hurt herself that they worked 15 minutes away for each other but heard more from me (in Singapore) than the other girl.


Now that this friend has relocated, I was thinking that she would also keep in touch.(usually the one who leaves takes more initiative).

She didn't say and frankly speaking by that time I was so disappointed that I didn't ask. My Mom tried to contact her as well - the best we could get was my former friends Mom who told us that she won't come... I am sad that it happened like this but I won't lose sleep over it anymore (I did a few weeks ago though).

Thanks for the congratulation, the big day is on October 7th.

lace, many congratulations!!! You seem to have lots of perspective on it. Well done. You think that friends are drifting away now, wait until you have children...your single friends will think you have the plague!


balzac, I know what you mean. I have had the same issue with one formerly close friend in particular (although it started to drift that way after my eldest was born). Moving to HK seemed to be the end of all contact (at least from London). I just gave up trying after a point. You do learn a lot about people after you leave home, and your priorities get readdressed too. I just try to a point, make th most of friends who want to maintain contact. When I go home and meet people, I will make a point of making most contact with thoise people with whom I exchange telephone calls and emails. I will certainly not avoid her, but have limited time and some pride left.

Hi mum of 2

Thank you for the kind wishes. We are both no spring chickens anymore, it's the second marriage for each of us. Same goes for my former friend. That's what I ment we wnet through quite some hard ships together - including her and my divorce and her fleeing the communist country both of us grew up in. Our friendship survived all this - it happened in the last few years (there were quite some difficult to deal with issues on my side - death of father and death of brother within one year) that we drifted apart. I was quite aware of it and tried to stay in touch, but I think there is now too much of an emotional gap between us.

That's what I tried to tell balzac - sometime people just grow apart. It's difficult to deal with for the one who still valaues the friendship.

I talk to my best mates in Canada often, but there is nothing better than being there. That said, my best mate in Canada is thrilled that I have my life in HK and she enjoys hearing the stories. We swap *Oh, I wish I were there* moments but on the whole, she still knows all about my life and I about hers.


Other mates I left, it is VERY one sided. Sometimes, their side, as I know that the few mates I have with kids, they are VERY busy...so I leave them to it and ring once in a while.


Last time I was home, I was prepared to cull a few friends that I thought I had lost that loving feeling towards. Funny, I ended up building stronger ties with them.


As a wise woman told me once, people enter our lives for a reason. Sometimes that reason is meant to be a loooong time, other times, just a short stay.


My family (some of them) need to work on better 2-way communication....as do I at times.


I agree with crystal that making friends when we are older is perhaps harder bc we have different expectations and we are not as prepared to tolerate the bullpucky that some people give us. At the same time, I think some of my best relationships with women have developed while being in Hong Kong. I have some amazing friends here.

I have to agreed with mum of 2.I myself is a mum of 1 baby.Guess my single frenz avoid me like plague too.Even my Best Friend from primary

school are no exceptional case. before i left

for hk (which is just recently).My best friend also not very keen to meet up.Tried to make a few

appointment with her but in the end,she would end up telling me:Sorry,im tired today,you had to go back too early,how about next week...etc.In

the end those who meet up with me is my common friend.

It hurts me a lot.I just tell myself now,well....lifes goes on.Hope i will meet some really nice friend in hk futures to come.