when to start trying for a baby

advice needed please to all your mums and dads~ when is the right time to start to try for a baby - know we would like them in the future, but not sure we are ready for them now.....enjoy our life too much! however dont want to leave it too late and risk having to go thru ivf or worse not being able to have them...not sure which is more scary - having them or not!


wife 34 husband 38....both fit and healthy


any advise?

ha you sound like we were. We really enjoyed our life together as a couple and wanted to wait before having kids. Not to scare you but we ended up having fertility issues so by the time we had our first (now 4.5mths) i was 36yrs. And of course in hind sight (isn't hindshight wonderful!) we don't know why on earth we wited so long as our daught is such a joy to us. My advice is if you want more than one start now babies/children are full on they are a lot of energy. One is tiring and two depending on how close they are keep you really busy aslo it would be nice to see them have children and be able to be active grandparents.

thanks - im more thinking we should just get on with it, never heard of anyone who regrets having kids...but other half is more reluctanct..actually mention the word baby and he runs a mile....but every now and then does mention the "b" word as well.

Well it is important that your both ready you don't want hubby to resent you or bubs, can you hang out with some friends who have lovely cute quiet babies!!!!! Ha ha ha. Maybe you need to find out whats scarying him off.

definately a good idea to wait till both ready...but how long do you wait?! lots of friends are pregnant ...few have kids but he has no interest in spending time wiht them! hes more concerned about finance side of things - we both work and have ok salaries - not great but ok! also we both like going out, drinking, sleeping in etc...which puts us both off the idea of having a little one..for the time being....but i know i would resent him if we left it too late and couldnt have them for some reason or another....prob should just wait till he comes round as you said there would be nothing worse than him resenting a baby or me!

thanks JessicaC - and congrats on your pregnancy - very exciting!


not sure my hubby would ever miss anyhtihg to do with the world cup though!!


im sure my hubby will come round to the idea one day.....!

Personally I think you should have it asap, because the stress of not getting pregnant when you wanted to is worst than being pregnant and all the possible complications that may happen to you at a mature age. There's many risk such as down syndrome, placenta previa happening when having BB at a higher age. My husband and I tried to have BB when I was 34 and only got pregnant at 36 and during that two year there's lots of emotion (you can't imagine it) each month!! So my recommedation is to try now and it you do get pregnant soon then is a blessing from god. There are many girls I know who can't conceive naturally but don't want IVF because that's an emotional rollacoaster too with injections everyday and hormone changes!!!

On the one hand, when pregnant and after the birth you'll be needing your husband's support (emotional and practical). So you need him to be more enthusiastic than just agreeing to do the necessary to achieve pregnancy. On the other hand, lots of men would wait until it's too late (basically) where having a baby is concerned.


Although this may sound harsh: it's not the hubby who's going to suffer the disadvantages of waiting too long, it's the wife. That affects everything because it's kind of not his problem, at least that's the way men see it.


If I were you, I'd start trying pretty soon if you don't want to run the risk of fertility problems. That's if you can get your man to agree and you're sure he'll give you the support you'll need.


If you find a failproof way to crack this dilemma you'll be a rich woman. You could write a book - I'm sure all the millions of women in the same boat as you will buy it!

gerty123 there will ALWAYS be a reason not ot have kids and i don't think the average person is every ready financialy for having kids a morgtage, loans etc you just have to do whne your ready. I hope you get it all sorted out soon so yo can get on with that faze of life as it's truely wonderful. I just went out to lunch with friends today i had to wake my daughter up a little earlier than usual she's a happy girl so it didn't really bother her. During lunch she was happy to sit on my lap and then in her pram while i'll ate. She was sleepy but quite and on the way home in the cab she just stared up at me and smiled the whole way. It was just melting my heart and nearly bought me to tears that she is just so lovely. I know you said you wanted to have children and it's you hubby thats not so keen but we were in your positon once i would get worried that it would happen accidently. Ha i needn't have worried as it took us two year to get pregnant with treatment! As i said hind sight is a wonderful thing! All the best look forward to seeing you posting something about being pregnant one day!

There is never a 'good time'


do we have enough savings? no

do we have a big enough flat? no

was I in top physical condition? no

did we have good maternity health insurance? yes, Allianz



Were we ready? No

Was I terrified at times? Yes


Have we regretted one moment since baby was born? No

Peak fertility for women is in the teens and slowly falls off during the 20s. By the mid 30s, fertility drops more sharply and the risks increase. And although a naturally conceived child does happen for some 40-something women, it is very much the exception.


It's also been found that in general men will show a decline in fertility by the time they hit 40 - earlier than previously thought.


I have a few friends who thought they could wait till their mid to late 30s to have a child. One had a few miscarriages (one of the risks) before conceiving naturally. The other resorted to IVF but could not produce enough good eggs - they could only afford a few cycles and so had to give up.


Unfortunately, although technology advances, our bodies have not evolved. And neither has nature figured out how to get Mr Right to arrive during a woman's most fertile years.

Echo everything that crj and Perthites say.


We also loved the childless married life - fantastic holidays, wonderful social life etc. Eventually after much debate and 'one more safari' etc. decided that we were almost 30 and should probably get started on a family. Would be lying if I said that we did not have reservations.


We were very lucky in the conception field; first child on first attempt, perfect pregnancy. We have, however had 4 m/c since then, but also another perfect child. Have seen the world's leading expert on m/c and she has run every test under the sun and can only conclude that a combination of bad luck and age are the culprits. I am 'only' 33. The problem is that nowadays we see so many celebrities etc. having children at 40+ and forget that our bodies are designed to have them earlier in life. Plenty of people have zero fertility problems in their late 30's and 40's, but you don't want to take that gamble. Fertility aside, bringing up children is hard work, the younger you are, the more energy you have to cope.


Most of our friends are older than us, and are just getting around to getting married. They have not had the 'luxury' of debating when the time was right and felt under pressure to have children right away. They are all quite a few years older than you, but each of them have had real problems conceiving. Most have gone down the IVF route with varied success rates (although one couple has conceived naturally). It has been a bit of a rollercoaster for all.


Your husband definitely needs on board. He does want children at some point right? You just need to talk about it (which no doubt you are doing). You do not want to force him into becomming a father, but do not want to resent hime either if you wait and then have problems.


I have a friend who was in the same boat as you and 'accidentally' got pregnant. Once it happened, her husband could not have been happier! Am not suggesting for one minute what you pull the same stunt, it was a very dangerous gamble!!! My point is just that neither of you can imagine how unspeakably wonderful it is to have your own child in your life until the day comes. There really is no way to describe how wonderful it is. We thought that we were blissfuly happy before the children, we had no idea how happy a human being could really be....and it keeps getting better every day.


Yes, your life will change. Of course, there are sacrifices to be made. And I must say that I have aged like crazy in the last 3 years!!! It IS scary, you are 100% responsible for little human beings, but it could not be more rewarding. Good luck!

In terms of all things tangible (financial, career, etc) you can never be 150% ready for a baby - if you wait for that you might never have one! Just go for it once you and your husband agree upon it.


I am 26 this year and only graduated from uni when 23. So in terms of having "seen the world", i'm afraid i have not done very much. but it's been a great 20s pre-baby - clubbing, shopping, travelling, eating well, no commitments and like mrsl says, sleeping in!! but partly because my husband is much older, i keep thinking we shouldn't wait too long to have kids - the last thing i want is for him to be at a grandparent age and still have toddlers as kids. So 10 weeks before our wedding,we found out we were going to have a baby. we were very thrilled.


in mar this year, we had our little boy. i had to fight some baby blues as i just found the whole experience overwhelming. and while i thought i was initially ready, it suddenly hit me - will i ever see my friends again? why is everything baby related so expensive? why won't he stop crying? why won't he drink his milk?


but do i regret it? not one bit. alot of my friends aren't even settled down yet so yes, we are drifting because it's justa different life all together. we eat nice take-out on weekends because we don't have a helper, so unless my mom helps, there'll be no more late nights out, etc. i am also missing out on developing my career and will probably face difficulties next time. my husband earns enough for 3 of us but we have to watch our budget these days too because it's still a single income no matter what. and when i think about planning for no.2, it scares me a little and i want to take my time (wait until bub is 12 months).


so overall, my life has changed - my baby isn't perfect in the sense that he sleeps/drinks/smiles/plays by the clock - he gets grumpy when we go out and wants to be carried instead of sitting on his pram. but he is perfect to us - when we see how he is growing and every milestone he makes - smiling, grasping stuff, head lifting, laughing, reacting to familiar faces, rolling...all these little stuff just makes us so happy and the stress just melts away.


so take the plunge if you both want to, it'll be tough but no regrets - good luck!!

Babies grow up into young adults - and this is where the challenges lie. 15 - 17 years down the track.


Having had 4 babies by the time I was 30, and now at 42 my first is about to leave home and all will have flown the coop by the time I am 50 ...things are looking up! looking forward to not so much money being spent on school fees etc, and having an opportunity to travel in relative luxury than scrimping as a young person. looking forward to an early retirement with no young children to be concerned about getting through school and university - it isn't just if you are ready now - will you be ready when you are 50 to have a wild 15 year old which will really test everything you know and don't know??


If required, my husband still has 20 years of income left to live off - and all will have left home in 8 years - finished uni etc in 12 - so down to 8 years of income for just us! You need to think about how you will support a young family as the income potential reduces with age.


Just my thoughts.

Just do it. Screwing with nature is a dangerous proposition. I have too many friends who have had multiple miscarriages, IVF, multiples, complicated pregnancies, emergency surgical procedures after complications with IVF... Don't mean to scare you, but I am in my 30's, have two kids, and you just got to get a move on. Sometimes my body aches in the morning, and it's not because I'm not fit... It's because I'm on the floor or chasing my kids all day and because I now have lower back pain. Would have been physically easier in my 20's, but I did not have the opportunity then. You do though NOW! We cannot predict the future -- especially our health, bodies, nature. You are so lucky to have a happy marriage and a stong foundation on which to build a family. You don't need to be rich. Nobody should be a spendthrift. We all have to save for our kids. Really, just do it.... the natural way. Most of my single friends are DYING for the opportunity to have children. The window is closing on us all, so just do it. It will be the BEST thing you have done and the only thing life is really about. Closed-minded husbands who love you, will change for the better. Seeing your love and yourselves in another person? NOTHING can compare. The love just aches. One cannot begin to understand life and compassion and compromise until they have had children. All the best!