stopping breastfeeding guilt!

I have to return to work shortly and my baby has been taking expressed milk from a bottle to prepare her. Now my milk supply is dwindling and she doesn't ever want to nurse - she just wants the bottle, so my milk supply is running out. I've been doing absolutely everything to get back on track but I have to accept that this is the end of our breastfeeding bond. I feel so guilty that I can't provide for her and keep giving her the benefits of breast milk. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you get over the guilt and sadness?

Not been in a similar situation but try this if you still want to continue breastfeeding.


Lie next to her when she is hungry or tired or both and keep on offering her the breast. She will eventually take it. It'll take a few tries before it works. Also make sure you drink plenty of water, rest and eat well to produce breastmilk.

Good luck

I totally sympathise with you as I've been in this position myself. I breastfed my first boy (supplementing with formula) until he was 9 months and my second child until 13 months (no formula, but solids at 4 months).


Breasfeeding never came easy to me and I had to work really hard at it, especially at keeping my supply up. Although I was working full time I kept going and made every effort. I don't even know why, but breastfeeding meant such a lot to me.


I was so upset when I had to top up with formula with my first child. I did feel much better when I was successfully able to feed my second without resortign to topping up. I still feel sad that my milk ran out when my boy was 13 months - I think I would have continued till he was about 2 or something!


There's not much you can do except reassure yourself that you've done your best. No one can do more than that. Not everyone can produce enough, even if they try their best. Breastfeeding is just one of many things you do for your baby. If you want to recreate that closeness, how about trying baby massage? Lots and lots of cuddling, too, will help you stay close. You obviously really care about your baby and being close to him/her, and this love you have for your child is more important than anything else, even breastfeeding.

I went through the exact same emotions. I felt terrible and felt that this was the beginning of the end -- lifelong seperation. But, I now see I was being overly dramatic. This happened with #1 AND again with #2. Had GREAT difficulties with breastfeeding #1, so I had to stop after only two months, and I had a near breakdown. I chose to stop with #2 after five months when it was going so well. Basically, I made myself fully aware that the loving bonding while breastfeeding had to be replaced with other cuddle and devoted times/activities. It's all about holding them close and eye contact. Now (bubs is 6+ months), I wear a sling, play on the floor, sing, entertain in any way, touch skin-to-skin... I was a huge breastmilk advocate, but the reality is I know super-happy geniuses who were formula-fed, as I am sure you do. My sons are both pretty smart and out-going. I actually now feel breastfeeding is great if it is easy. Time to stop when it's not. Otherwise, your baby will pick up on the difficulty, and it will not be enjoyable for mother or child.


Selfishly, the best part of stopping for me was that I got my body back. Never thought I would feel this way as I did not care so much, but now I feel "back to myself" and my children pick up on this as well. Personally, many mothers who breastfeed make phone calls, type on the internet, and watch TV, etc while they breastfeed anyway. That's not really true bonding. Also, I think the most important part of breastfeeding is the contact, so I do not really understand pumping all the time and freezing an antire freezer full of milk -- that is NOT what this is about (to me).


So, like I wrote, just make sure you're still bonding in other ways, and it works out great! Best of luck! and, do NOT feel guilty. Parenting is ALL about knowing your limits and making YOU happy so everyone around you can stay happy. You are queen bee.

Thank you so much for your replies. I am still really upset and have bouts of insolable crying. That makes it worse as I know it's really irrational. I'm trying to cheer myself up with those positive thoughts - getting your body back and cheesecake! Your replies have really really helped. I'm sure I'm in for a few unhappy days but hopefully I'll get over it quickly. If only there wasn't so much guilt attached to breastfeeding. Formula can't be all that bad can it!

Hi, I am breastdfeeding my 8 wk old son and it's tough. Some days he drinks well while others he doesn't. I get so irritate that I always say " today is the last day, I am going to stop." You just don't know when they are hungry could be evry hour could be anytime. You have to stop evreything. I don't know how much longer I will last. I also have a 2 yr old that needs alot of my attention. I feel guilty not spending enough time with her. Then if I stop breastfeeding I will feel guilty I didn't feed him. Both ways I lose. I fed my daughter for 10 months with supplementing formula wasn't so bad....I mean she's turned ok...ha! I guess i need to fit it to my life style and make my family happy...

Hi 10,


I was in exactly the same position as you. I tried expressing but work commitments mean't the milk dried up pretty quickly. I am not sure how long you BF for but I managed around 5 months until it just wasn't viable anymore. Anyway, my baby is now a robust 2 year old who has never been very sick ever and I feel that BF for that amount of time was enough to give her all the immunity and vitamins etc that she needed. So you have done a great job getting this far... most of my friends gave up BF before they even started or by 6 weeks because it was too inconvenient for them... One of my friends didn't BF because it made her nightie smell!! you have given your little one the best start possible and I honestly think it is the first few months that are the most important... When I stopped BF I started introducing solids straight away and she loved them and took to them really quickly and that kind of eased my mind a bit because if she was eating solids then she was ready to move on from BF - in my mind anyway! So like I said you have got your little one through the most important stage and now your baby is ready to move on too. Best of luck!

10, can you perhaps move to mixed feeding and still do breat feeds at say, 7am and 7pm? If you do these feeds when you are not stressed and not hurried then it might help your supply be maintained at these times only and then you could give formula during the day.


I have no experience of this but have been considering it for my own possible return to work, and that way I can keep some feeds for as long as I like, a year, or longer maybe...

Hello 10 - I don't know if this will help. I'm still b/f my 11mo baby and I had terrible trouble trying to express (I tried at various times during the last few months). I assumed my milk supply was drying up. In fact, I think it was two things; first I felt uncomfortable with the idea of expressing and second, I don't think the pumps I tried were particularly good. In fact, I tried expressing by hand - it worked a treat but I wasn't happy doing it and by the time I'd worked it out my child wouldn't take milk from the bottle. (If she had, I'm sure I'd have stuck with it.)


So, maybe you could try an alternative method to whatever you've been trying. And,I wouldn't be at all surprised if you can still feed her in the evenings. I've heard of lots of mums who use a combination of b/f & formula. If it doesn't work out the way you would like, try not to be hard on yourself, you've tried your best and that's what counts. I agree with all the comments about the generations of formula fed babies - we all turned out okay :-) B/f is only one potential element for raising happy, clever kids.