My mother wants to sue me for getting back my belongings from home

I was sent overseas to study for over 8 years (since teenager), the rest of my family stayed in HK. Half a year ago I got back and decided to settle down here alone with my German fiancé. While having difficulties to adjust to be in HK again~ culture, the pace, family (given that the relationship between me and parents weren’t really close =many years apart), after 2 months living at home, during which I was frequently “punished” (my mother is a rather aggressive person that nobody around her dare to talk back), I finally moved out from home with only a few belongings (was assuming that I can go back anytime).


However I hardly could have any peace after moving out. My mother is extremely mad about me being not married but living together with my boyfriend and therefore she frequently called and yelled at me as such~ “you should die now or I’d find someone to kill you”, “Leave HK now or I’d find someone to beat you up at your office”…etc. I know her well and I know she is capable of taking such actions… These lasted for 2 months, until last week she freaked out again and told me that I really should leave HK, I decided to go “home” and pack my belongings, especially my travel documents. I was informed by my sister that my room is locked and therefore I had arranged someone to open it, fortunately I have my own residential card and the front door key.


After packing all my belongings and as expected my mother went crazy, but what I didn’t expect was that she was very determined to sue me. Moreover she made up that I have not only took my own belongings but also stolen some cash and a gold necklace, and named some of my belongings and reported that I have stolen them too. Police weren’t very helpful and only called and asked me to “make up with her in these few days” so that she would cancel the charge or otherwise “I will be in trouble”. Knowing that the police totally don’t want to care for the case, but my mother doesn’t want to give up. Will I really be in trouble??? Can she really sue me for taking back my own belongings? if the police don't think it can be a case, could she still go on?Please help

Wow, nice mum.


Well she can sue you - a lawyer will happily sue anyone. However whether she is sucessful is another matter. Is there anyone - your father, an uncle or family friend - who can mediate and get her to see some sense? If not, and you are particuarly worried, can you return the jewellry and cash and have nothing else to do with her. If things escalate as she is dtermined to sue you gather as much information as possible, tape abusive calls, witnesses to her threats, etc etc to protect yourself.

I am just wondering whether such tape recording is admissible in Hong Kong court.

Probably some psychiatrist's assessment of mummy will be admissible... Theoretically you can counter-sue for lots of stuff.

Technically, that is a good idea but practically, how to get the mummy to see a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist's assessment based on hearsay without examining the target is as good as a piece of blank paper when presented in court.

Thanks for the advice. Some points to declare here~ I didn’t take anything that doesn’t belong to me. My mother basically made it all up, I doubt that she has any evidence to support her “lost”. Also, she named my digital camera and reported that I have stolen them, I think I can easily prove that I can’t steal things that are basically mine. I understand that any lawyers are happy to sue anyone, but can they sue if there weren’t a case? Police went to my parents’ home and made some paper work and left. They didn’t come see me and search for what I have “stolen” but only called me, not only I feel that they don’t care they also told me they don’t want to be bothered with this case, BUT my mother is very determined to force that police to open a case so that she can use a lawyer to sue me. What I really want to know is, do the police not have the power to decide whether a case can be opened? Given that they don’t seem to be taking it seriously? Two days ago I came to know that my mother had been calling and also yelling at the police, maybe was very angry that they don’t come catch me yet… therefore I have 2 days of silence since the police decided to avoid her for a few days. Now I can only sit and wait for the police to contact me,,, very bad feeling.

She can get a lawyer to sue if she is willing to pay the lawyer. Don't worry about the police and the prosecutors. They will not charge someone unless they have some good evidence.


Ultimately, if she has no evidence, she has no case.

The police do not decide who will be prosecuted. They report and arrest. Theft is a criminal case and is decided by the Dept. of Justice (DoJ). To sue someone comes under civil law and is not decided by the police or the DoJ.


This is from the HK Community Legal Information Centre:

>>>

Not all persons suspected of criminal offences will automatically be prosecuted. No prosecution should be made unless, in the professional judgment of the prosecutor, there is sufficient evidence so that there is a reasonable prospect of a conviction. If there is sufficient evidence, the prosecution further needs to consider whether it is in the public interest to prosecute. In determining where exactly the public interest may lie, the prosecutor must examine all the factors and the circumstances (e.g. the nature of the offence, the age and mental state of the suspect, the likely penalty upon a conviction). For example, it may not be in the public interest to prosecute if the consequence of prosecution is out of proportion to the gravity/seriousness of the offence.

>>>


Also from the HK CLIC regarding civil law:

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The standard of proof is based on the balance of probabilities and is easier to discharge in a civil case than in a criminal case.

>>>


I would suggest you be 100% available to talk to the police to demonstrate you have nothing to hide. They are clearly not happy at having to deal with your mother but all her ranting will not force them to put this case forward for prosecution with so little evidence.


And I would have to say that, even though there are some lawyers will do anything for money, your mother may be hard-pushed to find someone willing to work for her.


Now, the threats she is making against you could be considered criminal. Make recordings of phone conversations, copy phone messages and only meet her with a neutral third party present - heck bring a lawyer friend along if necessary. It may also be necessary to advise your boss of the situation (details may not be necessary) just in case she - or someone for her - turns up at the office. She could be classed as a trespasser and the police could be called.


Your mother clearly has personal issues which you cannot be expected to understand, let alone solve. It's time for you to stand up to "Mommie Dearest" - as you have already started - and let her know she cannot bully you anymore. She has insufficent proof for a criminal case and a civil case would probably crumble easily.

I can only offer my wholehearted sympathy; I think you have enough common sense that tells you what is right and who is wrong; it remains to be seen whether the police, and Dog forbid - the court - will see it your way or her way! I personally think you should put as big a distance between yourself and your mother, perhaps consider going some other place - Macau? Guangdong? Well, what would be your fiance's future like? But with family such as yours, it's not going to be a piece of cake either, right?


Not that I believe your family is so totally outside what's regular and normal: my family weren't too close either - until I left for China. Now the death of some of my family has suddenly created friendlier vibes...


Gut Glueck fuer Euch zwei - as they say in German

Don't worry! She can pose threat to you but the police can't involve themselves too much since there is no evidence to prove that you have stolen things from her (was her house broken in? Ask her to check if the surveillance camera of her building had captured your moves of forced entry). Even if she sues you and that you are brought before the court - Everyone is "innocent until proven guilty" - you can defend against yourself. Stand strong!


If she asks you to leave "Hong Kong" again, tell her you will move to Kowloon or maybe New Territories? or even Lantau Island - just a joke here though you are not in the mood. Cheer up!


I had tough times with my parents too. When your mum calls and shouts at you again, let her know you are living at ease - smile and laugh back - and tell her "You can do whatever you like." -in a gentle tone. Don't let her know you are stressed by what she says.


Change your attitude now, don't aggravate the situation. But what I see now is that she is mentally unhealthy herself? She must be distressed about matters not only you.


Honestly, my best advice for you is to pray. It doesn't matter if you are an atheist now, God is always there to listen. I will pray for you. Sleep well. Don't worry too much!

Heartfelt sympathy from me too.


My advice (not legal) - and this is from having some experience with a crazy woman like this


1. Be patient, stay calm

2. Tell the truth

3. Don't panic

4. Don't give more info than you need to any party, unless they are working on your side - extra info can be twisted against you, just keep your answers to police simple & straightforward.


5. If the police pursue this, offer to make an official statement. Keep it very, very simple: eg: " I did not take any belongings which are not mine" - that is ALL you need to say, no more.


6. If she does take this further, again, stay calm. If you must, hire a lawyer you are comfortable with - this is not a must unless it gets to the point you need to appear in court. You don't need to worry at this stage.


I am picking, as in our case (also totally unfounded) that if she really does pursue this, all her lawyers will tell her to give up, that she has no case, she will keep firing them and hiring new ones, who eventually all see into her stories, and they too drop the case, or the court drops it.


Save your money, let her do all the work and make a mess, ignore it as best as you can.


I feel so sorry that this is your own mother doing this, but take heart and be confident, and remember how NOT to treat your own children when you have them.