Schedule - my experience

I wrote this for a friend who just had a baby - I can't say it is the 'right way' or the 'best way' it is just my experience of starting a schedule with our baby - it is a very long post, but believe it or not I edited it from the original!


I also need to say, a lot of what I did I learned from other people in this forum - so THANK YOU!


And to everyone who told me in the early days when I was stressed that baby was not on perfect schedule - 'don't worry, it will happen later' - YOU WERE RIGHT. It does happen later, and don't let the thought 'everyone else has a schedule' make you feel like a failure - it takes time and nobody else is perfect either, they just don't always share the nightmares!


Also, again, this is what we did - it might not be 'right' or 'good' and it might not evern work... just sharing because this question seems to come up a lot.


I am sure there are people who will stronlgy disagree with what I wrote - but again, just sharing my experience here...

Schedules...

I am a schedule fan, although not gina ford or anyone specific. I read BabyWise, Gina Ford and Baby Whisperer and just took what I liked and made my own schedule that worked for us. (we don't use blackout curtains or schedule as strictly as GF, etc...) But I think the end results are the same.


I feel I need to be on a schedule so I can plan my days and life - and when I went back to work my helper can follow the schedule too, so baby has consistency and routine.


First Month


I only had 4 goals the first 2-3 weeks:

1. full feeds when possible (it never was, baby was jaundiced and always sleepy)

2. try to do this pattern feed - awake - then sleep (during this time 'awake' meant nappy change)

3. put baby in bassinette when baby is awake and have baby fall asleep (not in your arms or in a swing)

4. separate day and night - day the curtains are open and room is light, night the curtains are closed, room is dark and we speak in low whispers and no stimulation.


Be aware, the baby is ‘upside down’ the first 2-3 weeks. Baby spend 9 months in a dark warm place, then 3-5 or more days in hospital with bright lights 24 hrs a day. Baby does not know day from night.

Also, everything is ‘stimulation’ and ‘new’ and baby can only release stress by crying or sucking – so expect a lot of crying, and hope for a good feeder who sucks a lot.


The first 2-3 weeks I fed on demand kept a chart when baby ate and for how long. this helped me to later design a schedule that worked for baby.


Cuddle and hold the baby as much as you want – just don’t let the baby fall asleep in your arms before bed or nap time. Try to teach baby to fall asleep on their own in the bed.


Then magically... on day 13 baby ate every 2 hours and 45 minutes... on his own, without prompting. So I turned this into his schedule... and after that I tried to feed at those times for the next two days, but still let baby 'lead' so it was very flexible (ie 30 minutes before or after the schedule time)


Then on day 16 I implemented a 2:45 schedule - and wow did I struggle, but it was worth it and baby got much better. In hindsight, this was too early, I should probably not have tried the schedule this early. I should have let baby lead more, and been even more flexible.


At first, baby could never eat for 20 minutes - so for me if a feed started at 9:00, baby might eat 5 minutes, then rest, then 2, then 3, etc... and I would let baby do this between 9-10 - so baby had one hour to get 20 minutes. I called this my '20 minute hour'.


During this time, the baby is easily over-stimulated, you really can’t do much with baby – baby just wants to sleep, eat, poo, then repeat.


Poo

A lot…. Really!

There were days we used 20 nappies. There were times baby would poo before a feed, during a feed and after a feed. The poo for a breast fed baby is very watery, this is normal.


Night Sleep


How to establish day and night

Day – feed in light room, keep curtains open,

Night – feed in dim room, curtains close


Start and end day at same time every day.

For us morning was (and still is) about 6:30 am, and night starts at about 6:30/7:00 pm.

We ‘transition’ from day to night with a bath, massage, lavender oil burning in bedroom, swaddle, feed then bed.

Second Month


Goals

1. full feeds 8 x day, 20 minutes (will vary from baby to baby)

2. try to do this pattern feed - awake - then sleep

3. put baby in bassinette when baby is awake and have baby fall asleep (not in your arms or in a swing)

4. separate day and night - day the curtains are open and room is light, night the curtains are closed, room is dark and we speak in low whispers and no stimulation.

5. burp after every feed


When baby cries:

Pick up, check nappy, try to burp, try to feed

Swaddle, put back to bed

Check every 10 minutes (repeat above steps as necessary) until baby stops.


As his eating got better around 1 month old, it naturally became what baby could eat in 30 minutes, but sometimes still it took 45 minutes or one hour. For baby it was never 20 minutes in a row, it was on and off and on and off during that 30-45 minutes. Most other babies are better at this and eat 20-40 minutes, sometimes even emptying each breast. Baby did only one breast per feed.


Once baby started being asleep past the 'start' time of the feeds regularly, I increased the schedule to every 3 hours.


I have an informal 3 day rule - if baby does it for 3 days in a row, it should be part of the schedule! - this is how we dropped the 9:30 pm feed - baby slept through it for 3 days and after that I stopped waking baby up for it.


During the first 5-6 weeks, all that was included in 'awake time' was feeding, nappy changing and getting dressed. That's it!


Then at 6 weeks - baby started to be awake.

All of the sudden baby was awake and I had no idea what to do!


Baby is still not awake and sleep on a daytime schedule yet - but getting better.


But it is never ‘schedule perfect’ - for example, baby ate 8 + 12 minutes, I thought baby was done. Then 20 minutes later baby was genuinely hungry and baby ate at the breast for another 20 minutes non-stop! (40 minutes in one hour!), I think it was a 'growth spurt' which I have heard can happen sometime week 6-8 and cause a '45 minute intruder' where for 2-3 days, 45 minutes after a feed baby wakes up very hungry.


Poo

At about 4 weeks, the baby starts to poo less, we reduced to about one poo after each feed, but at about 6 weeks we reduced even more to 2-3 a day, while some people reduce to one poo per day or even one per week.

You can also start to recognize signs of when baby is going to poo – our baby looks serious and eyebrows go red…. Then it is quick to the changing table!


Night Sleep

By about 8 weeks, the baby should change to waking up at 1 and 4 am to only waking up at 3 am. Major improvement!

2 Months old


All of the sudden…. Baby is awake!


The feeding schedule is usually working for the most part, but the daytime naps just are everywhere – no pattern at all!


I was not very good at 'reading his signs' so when baby is tired, I try to put baby down, sometimes baby sleeps, other times baby cries.


Around 6-8 weeks, baby starts to be awake, happy, not over-stimulated, not bored, and not crying.


Baby does not like the baby play gym mat thing yet - as baby doesn't really look at things or reach for things yet, so that is not an option.


AWAKE-ACTIVITY TIME


Tummy Time, Face Watching, Reading, Black and White Pictures, Talking


Sitting on the Sofa, and having baby on the fleece blanket on his stomach.


Baby can be in your arms, looking at your face – you can smile and make faces at baby and see if baby copies you.


Baby can sit in your lap or next to you and you can read a book to baby – baby should watch your face, not the book at this stage.


Baby can look at the black and white stimulation pictures – about one minute


Have baby sit in the swing, but only if is baby AWAKE, never if baby is asleep.

From the swing, baby can look around the room and be quite entertained by what baby sees.


Have baby sit in the small chair and relax looking around the room.


Hold baby and walk around the flat talking to baby about what you see – the books, the photos, go on the balcony and show baby the plants.


It is very important not to over stimulate baby by doing too much. Baby has a very small brain and everything is new to baby. So for awake time it is perfectly fine if baby is just sitting there and relaxing, looking around.

If you are reading to baby or showing baby a picture, when baby starts to look away this is a sign baby has had enough – it might only be a few minutes, but that’s okay.

3-6 Month


Goals

1. full feeds 6 or 7 x day, 20 minutes (will vary from baby to baby)

2. feed - awake - then sleep

3. put baby in bassinette when baby is awake and have baby fall asleep (not in your arms or in a swing)

4. separate day and night - day the curtains are open and room is light, night the curtains are closed, room is dark and we speak in low whispers and no stimulation.

5. burp after every feed, this becomes much less important after 4 months


When baby cries:

Pick up, check nappy, try to burp, try to feed

Swaddle, put back to bed

Check every 10 minutes (repeat above steps as necessary) until baby stops.


By now, you should be on a pretty good schedule – yes it takes this long!

It might look something like this with 6 or 7 feeds a day

(either 3, 3 ½ or 4 hours between feeds)

6:30 – feed

Awake Time

8:00 – 9:30 nap time

9:30 – feed

Awake Time

11:00 – 12:30 nap time

12:30 - feed

2:30 – 3:30 nap time

3:30 - feed

6:00 Bath, massage,

6:30 - feed, swaddle, bed

9:30 – baby will probably drop this feed around end of 2nd month

11:00 – wake up baby for a last feed (most babies can drop this feed at 5 months or earlier, we have to keep ours due to the weight issues)

3:00 am ish feed - baby will drop this on their own at some point... varies.



The daytime naps did not really work for us until almost 5 months, then they started to work really well – before that they were all over the place, and our goal was only to keep to the Feed – Awake – Sleep pattern –which meant feeding upon waking, then keeping baby awake after the feed.

6 Months

another change to schedule needed as you add solids and baby needs less sleep for the daytime naps.

can't comment too much as this is what we are currently trying to figure out!

crj,


v impressive, you have come a long way! what impresses me even more that you remember everything so well! i have to be honest, i can't remember what it was like for the first 2 months, i can only remember being very, very tired!


that said, yes schedule is definitely important especially for parents i think as it makes life easier. would think even more so with a 2nd baby next time as you have less free time to muck around and feed on demand, etc.


my bub is 19 weeks today...this week has been a little upside down as he had a dodgy tummy so he was not drinking according to schedule (we let his tummy take the lead, even did the taboo middle of the night feed even though we haven't done that in months), waking up early than usual time, etc. but now that he is better, he is going right back to schedule, baby!


our schedule - wake up at 7am, feed at 7am, 11am, 2.30pm, 6pm, 10.30pm, bedtime is 7pm. for naps, he catnaps so that is abit more tricky but there is a pattern of sorts, he is tired after about every 2 hours so we put him down for a rest - it's up to him how long he wants to sleep and we leave him be as long it doesn't exceed 3 hours a day and not beyond 5pm.


so far, beyond some feeding issues (abit of a milk strike here but 2 doctors have confirmed that some babies are just like that and i have to ride it out. possible silent reflux but the docs are reluctant to give any medication), life is definitely easier now. i look forward to evening feed because he is so relaxed and cheerful, sleeps like a dream and i know i have free time to myself and with hubby, woohoo! no more on "high alert" for erratic wakings, etc.

but i have to say, i think i should have relaxed more in the first 2 months and let him take the lead and find his own pattern. especially the first month, i think there is only so much you can do because baby is so young, he probably doesn't even know what he wants!