Posted by
peace
20 yrs ago
I have a 4yr old and I know I didnt train her in the beginning. As a full time working mom I know I have not been the best but I have tried to spend as much time as I could with her but I guess I did miss out on the extras. She is very naughty restless and disobedient. Altho not rude but it drives me crazy and I am always on the verge of hitting - I havent.
What can I do to get the message thru?
Am I too late to train her to stop her from leaving my hand and running away on the streets?
Are there others out there in a similar situation.
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Message? What message would that be? And are the "extras" perhaps the "essentials"? The message might perhaps be to make sure the carer has the same values as you wish to teach, and to ensure that the boundaries, once set, are adhered to. Suppernanny (as in the book by Jo whatever her name is) is a superb book.
But really, if you are not the primary carer, then this is a discussion you should be having with the primary carer. Yes, plenty of people in the same boat. The answer is always the same: Lots of love, encourage with positive praise (not discourage with negative comments and threats) and ensure reasonable boundaries are set and adhered to.
Hitting - always understandable feeling. But it reflects a loss of control (in yourself) of the situation - your child is controlling, and you are reacting. Get the Supernanny book.
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It's never too late to connect with your child.
Maybe you can have a look at these ressources :
-http://www.naturalchild.com/articles/attachment_parenting.html
-http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/articles/gentle-child-discipline.htm
I'm sure there are many many more out there.
Good luck
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i don't think it's ever too late but it is going to take a lot of time and patience on your part which if you are still working could be tough. I'm sure the links that nappypoo posted will have something constructive to offer.
You need to speak to your child down on their level in a calm strong confident voice and have some sort of time out area. Keep in mind that your child isn't naughty it's their behaviour your unhappy with. After some time out by them selves go to them and ask your child if they understand why they were put in time out and get them to explian it back to you. If they don't understand you need to explian it again and finish by giving each other a hug and letting them know you still love them. You need to be consistant in how you deal with bad behaviour and your child needs to understand that you are incharge not them.
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MissP
20 yrs ago
This is the ideal time to do something about this situation. You must remember your 4 year old will be a 15 year old one day and there are many more issues that arise at this age. Supernanny has brilliant very practical ideas, it would be a good idea to get hold of her TV series (broacast in the UK last year). Remember you are the adult and you have control of the things your daughter wants (outings, treats etc). The whole star chart thing works extremly well so long as all the adults in your daughters life are consistent with rewards etc. All the adults MUST work together and be consistent. All the best with this -it is hard work.
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A star chart has always worked for me when I've wanted to change my son's behavior. He gets rewarded if he gets stars for 70% of the month and another if he gets stars for 100% of the month - that way, if he messes up early on, he's still able to meet the 70% mark.
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