Posted by
crj
20 yrs ago
I will be interested to see the replies.
Our baby was NEVER clingy before, we could leave him to play on the playmat for 30 minutes, no problem.
But NOW at 7 Months, he is clingy so much that after 30 seconds alone he cries...
Also, before he never comfort fed/sucked - and now when he is with me he wants to suck more (not eat).
I am hoping this is a 'phase' that will end?
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ours is 5 months plus.
after his 7am feed, he is always happy to sit in the bouncy chair or playpen until his bathtime and 9am nap.
but come afternoon, it's like the world is coming to an end if i try to leave him alone to play. sometimes he will cry for abit and eventually gets distracted with his toys. but there are times when nothing works until you carry him.
and he seems to recognise faces now and he stretches his arms out and kicks his legs whenever he sees me, indicating he wants to be carried.
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crj
20 yrs ago
Hi Cara
What age did your first pass from Stage 2 to Stage 3 as per your post?
We don't always hold him - sometimes we just move him to a new place to play, or put him on the floor to crawl around while we are in the room. The point is, if we leave the room, he cries... We have let him cry for a bit, but figure he needs some sort of reassurance. He sleeps fine at night, and we let him cry before his daytime naps if he needs to.
It seems he does not like to be alone when he is awake, and maybe gets 'scared' that we have left him forever ?
All -
What age did your baby do this? How long did it last? Any tips to help this be a 'short' phase?
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Hi,
I've read about it in a french baby website (for those who can read french : http://www.neufmoisetplus.com/post-naissance/psycho/angoisse9.htm).
To resume the article:
- they call it the "9 months anguish", but it can actually began at 3-4 months. All babies have this phase (psychologically sound phase), depending on the baby it can last more or less and be more or less "strong". It gives a average range of 2 months to 1 year duration and beginning time from 6 to 12 months old.
- It has 2 sub-phases: one he/she is afraid of strangers, second he/she needs you near all the time.
What you describe look more like the 2nd phase:
Your baby is learning that even when he doesn't see something, the thing still exist and continue its life on its own (object permanency).
I've also read on another website (can't seem to find which one however), that it is also in this phase that baby realize that he/she is his/her own person - different from mother - so that he/she can be abandon...
Their tips :
1st phase:
- Don't reject the baby when he hold on you.
- reassur him/her, talk to him/her, introduce him/her slowly to the stranger
- don't force him in strangers arms, give him time to know the new person.
2nd phase:
- play peek-a-boo, hide-and-seek games so he can learn "object permanency" in a playfull manner
- better to avoid beginning to have a sitter at this stage.
Hope it helped,
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there is what is called the '8month crisis'..which may start earlier or after.. the fear of the stranger and where baby only wants to stay with mommy ...
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She’s definitely going through a development stage so, Mum, don’t worry. You’re not doing anything bad, wrong, or will cause permanent harm.
She has developed a sense of attachment – which if she didn’t have, she would not be upset when you left the room. So really it’s a good sign, she’s developing perfectly normally.
Next comes object permanence. She will continue to cry or fuss when she can’t see you till she realises you and her dad are permanent figures. Again, it’s a normal developmental stage – don’t feel guilty.
She may cry when you leave home and is left with the new caregiver. This is separation anxiety – again, perfectly normal. She's attached to you but, she thinks you have vanished because she cannot see you. She will learn that Mom and Dad will return and will love her still even after they have been gone.
Separation anxiety shows up between 6 and 8 months and object permanence appears at around 9 to 10 months. But note, separation anxiety may take until 2 to 3 years of age to finally be overcome.
So, don’t feel guilty about leaving her now. Don’t feel guilt about leaving her with the new caregiver. Try to enjoy the clinginess because all too soon she will be off and running with things to do and new friends to play with; and mum’s hugs and cuddles may not be her No. 1 thing to do.
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crj
20 yrs ago
Wow, what great information.
I wish I could be with him more, but I work full time, although at home. He is fine with the helper - just as long as he is not alone.
I will suggest to helper and hubby that we all:
- play peek-a-boo, hide-and-seek games so he can learn "object permanency" in a playfull manner
Cara, like yours we thing ours will be an early walker - he is crawling like crazy (since just before 7 months) and basically crawls to anything he can then hold to pull himself upright and stand and starting to move a bit (but not cruising yet)
In the meantime we will continue to enjoy his cuddles... I just wish I could go to the toilet without being 'seranaded' by his crying :)
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miso
20 yrs ago
My toddler (turning 3 next year) is as clingy today as she was as a baby. I guess there are stages of separation anxiety which most kids follow but there will always be those children that just want to be closer to that someone be it mom, dad or the helper and there's not a lot you can do about it.
My toddler understands the theory (things come and go) but she doesn't like it when mommy does it! Dad and helper - bye bye see you later. She goes off to pre-school with my helper but when I'm around she continues to be very clingy. She's not a cuddly girl but she just likes her security blanket I guess.
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"she just likes her security blanket I guess."
Miso, I think that you are correct in this. Babies and toddlers are discovering a lot of new things everyday. In their position, even adults would find it overwhelming I'm sure. So I guess it is nice to have a "shelter" to go to everytime we can...
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
Waffle - We had separation anxiety (i.e. cling!) kick in stronger around 9 months too, and as much as our babe loves her dad and the helper, it was all about me most of the time. I found that sharing time with me and both dad and the helper on the floor playing with the SAME toys or playing the SAME games or watching the SAME videos, helped...allowing me to pop in and out since these guys could keep the activities going, etc..
As for the rooting, our baby was doing the same thing, still does at times, and I too found it exhausting. So when she comes over and it's not feed time (i.e. when I know she's not hungry), I'll redirect her attention to a favorite activity or toy and talk to her all about it, etc.. Still there are times, particularly when she's tired, that she just wants to nuzzle and nurse, and I've decided that it's ok (read many books that made a strong point in favor of it too), just as long as it's not constant. It's worked fine. She's 11 months now.
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RiceT
20 yrs ago
CP - Just got your pm. Will reply there, but it's better for you to search or ask your question on the forum since our sleep situation is totally different.
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