advice about teenagers

i bumped into my 16 going on 17 year old cousin today. from a distance, i saw her in her uniform and holding hands with a boy. i called out to her and we had a brief chat. i didn't want to make a big deal out of it so i kept things light-hearted, teasing her about the boyfriend and asking who else knew about it. apparently only another cousin (17 year old partner in crime) is aware. she begged me not to tell her parents and i "warned" her it would depend on her year end results - ie if she slackens in her work, i will tell her parents.


i have no issues with puppy love BUT i am concerned about her because her parents work very long hours, her brother is in military service. hence, there isn't really anyone at home to guide her. it's ok if it's just a innocent thing but i worry if it progresses any further (emotional break-ups, pre-martial sex, etc) and if that happens, will i be blamed for not alerting her parents in the first place?


i am concerned for her and how i can handle this so advice from parents with teenage kids will be most appreciated!!

She's nearly 17, not 12. I was engaged at her age. My daughter is going on 18 and has been in a long term relationship for a year, but we've know about it from the beginning, he comes round all the time. Honestly I think the biggest issue here is that your cousin feels she has to keep it a secret and can't tell her parents about him. Legally she's old enough to have sex so there's not alot you can do about that. Instead of 'warning' her, why don't you try talking to her, be the one she can confide in, and be there for her if she does break up. I'm sure you think its puppy love, but she proberbly has very strong emotions and is sure its love and will be devestated if they finish.

Also if theres no one home to guide her, then probably her peers are being her guides, and if she sees they're all dating, then she will want to too.

cd, thanks for the advice.


i will be happy to give her advice when she needs it BUT my extended family is very traditionally chinese - at the end of the day, i am only her cousin, i am not actually an elder. i am still treated like a child sometimes by the extended family (to think i am already married with a little bub) so my aunts and all will think i am in absolutely no position to give advice.


and the thing is, i am probably more liberal than my aunt - what if i give an advice that backfires and worsens the situation? if she were in uni and all, i wouldn't worry at all - heck, i think i would worry if she didn't have a boyfriend. but she is 16, just finished her o'levels and only 1st year in junior college (2 years of junior college in singapore, will take a'levels at the end for uni entry).

I think you can only be there to lend an ear. In matters of the heart most people, even if given advice, make their own mistakes...


I had decided who I was going to marry when I was 12 (and yes we did heh) and when I was 18 we had told our parents already (we had kept it under wraps till then). There was hell to pay, but we ignored 'em all :D


I dont think it's your responsibility to tell her parents. A couple of very close friends of my parents knew what was going on and didn't tell my parents and for that I am eternally grateful. They were there to listen when I needed them, but didn't judge me or tell me what to do.


If she is level headed and has exhibited sound judgement in the past, her choice of friends, etc etc I'd say be there for her and let her make her own decisions. I know it worked for me!


Cheers!