extra B'day party guests?

I am celebrating my daughter's first b'day in a club. Needless to say food is charged per person basis (HKD 150 per head). How do you deal with the extra people who come with the B'day guest? I have a friend who has 2 kids (2.8 yrs old each). So I assume that they should be coming max with 2 helpers/ adults. But no, they are actually 6 people coming. My friend, her mom, her 2 kids and 2 helpers. So actually I end up paying HKD 900 for their food alone. I don't know if I am being very miserly, but how do I tell her politely that the B'day is for kids and not the entire family? I mean how difficult can it be 2 handle 2 kids for 2 hrs? Should I just tell her that helpers are not allowed in the club?

Also, this is not the first time this has happened. Any pvt function, if you invite their family (4 people), its always 7 who land up.

that's what it's like in singapore with weddings...you invite just the couple but they bring their whole village along. even for my wedding, i specifically indicated to friends that it was just them, not that current boyfriends (they change them like i change clothes) but they still had the cheek to rsvp for 2!


so i told them firmly that it was a small affair. you can try telling them that-if she is a good friend, she should understand. but maybe for this event, it might be too late to tell them that you would rather just the immediate family (no granny, no helpers) to attend but for the future, lie and say the function room can only cater to x number of guests, there are restrictions on entries for helpers, etc.


and agree with dbmum on food catering. unless you know for sure that absolutely everyone is going to show up and that they are all "hungry ghosts", you don't need to cater for exact numbers. when i used to cater for food at work, i would only cater for 80-90% of the expected turnout. that way i won't have to pay for no-shows and for most catering companies,eg. you want to cater for 20, the amount of food provided will probably be more than that!

Taking uninvited guests to a party, wedding, etc. is a totally unacceptable thing for a guest to do. Perhaps in some Asian cultures it is done, but one should never turn up uninvited. One is not wanted and it can put extra financial burden on the host. It is disrespectful and inconsiderate.


bbcl>

You could say you don’t know these people well enough to have them celebrate your LO's birthday with them.

Or explain that you don’t want to overwhelm your LO by having too many people so you having a very small celebration.

You invited your friend as she is special to you and you don't want it any larger, besides other people might be upset that they weren't invited when two helpers were there.

We had a anniversary party at our club (adults only - life before kids)

One guest asked me a few days before if they could bring a friend - I said no.

They asked again - I said no again.

They had the audacity (sp?) to show up with the guy.

We paid per head, quite a high cost as it was a private venue, included food and alcohol. I was quite offended - they asked twice, I said no twice, and they still brought him?

Not a cultural issue, just rude.

(I do agree that in some cultures it is the done thing)


For a kids party at a club, I would do as suggested above.


Party Details... bla bla bla

Catering Food for Children Only (kids food)

Soft Drinks for Adults.


That way it is clear up front, and any additional adults will only result in a few extra colas rather than an expensive meal.

I think there may be a cultural issue involved in some of the experiences above, and then also an element of rudeness involved in others -- and then a combination is always possible! Recently my own sister got married and did not invite my children. I could understand her reasons, it was a black tie affair in a very fancy club. I didn't take them. Even more, I considered that it would have been quite rude for me to ask since it was obvious from the wording of the invitation that they were not invited to start with. It didn't mean that my (and their) feelings weren't hurt, though. On the other hand, feelings and cultural expectations aside, there is this issue of clear communication and respecting one's friends by honoring the terms of the invitation. I think it best to communicate your expectations clearly, up front. You could word the invitation to "Miss x and one guest" or something like that. (Or in the case of an expensive wedding, you could insert a little card that says, Due to the nature of the venue, we regret that additional guests cannot be accomodated" or something like that.) Second, after the invitation is sent, you could follow up with a phone call to make sure communication is clear: "I'm really sorry, but I need to make sure you know that because it's a very expensive venue, we must limit the party guests to four per family". As a last resort, you could say, "We can pay for four persons, and beyond this the price is x per person for you to pay." I will add one more thing. In my peer group in the USA it is very common for a child's birthday party to be held at a place where the children receive a meal or food as part of the party. The parents who bring children to these events generally do NOT expect to be fed or included in the catering, unless they are specifically invited.

Totally rude to invite Tom, dick and harry...be direct tell them friends/parent only...

I don't know which club you are doing it... but for my daughter's birthday party at the Clearwater Bay Country Club, we had the same problem.


What we did, the club has a minimum charge for the use of the venue, it was 30 people. So I said I want to commit to the 30 people minimum as I know the food will be more than sufficient, most kids don't even eat b/c they are so busy playing and bouncy castles.


So it was set up as a buffet, and no matter how many people came, it looked and was more than enough! We had so much left overs... we ended up with about 40 people, instead of the 32.


As long as the extra guests aren't coming in herds.... I think you should be able to stick to the budget. Ask the club if you can arrange it like that.

Thank you so much for all your inputs. The menu is strictly kids food, and I know that children don't eat everything on the buffet. I am not concerned about that, My main concern is that the helpers eat each and everything and that I really hope it does not result in a shortfall of food.I also don't want to spend money in ordering extra just to feed all the helpers. I rather spend it on party favors/ games etc for the kids.

from my experience your worries are unfounded. the helpers are usually quite shy of stuffing their faces. its the parents you need to worry about hahahah ;) anyway- good luck with your party!