Small friend's temper fits

On Saturday while I was out, my 6 year old daughter had a neighbor child "Susie" to play. "Susie" is the only other little girl in our housing compound that is the same age as my daughter. They generally play nicely together. But on Saturday, "Susie" got angry about something. She does have a bad temper and has been known to hit. But this time, she didn't hit. Instead, she pulled literally every item out of my daughter's closet and threw it on the floor (including toys dumped out of boxes). The floor of my daughter's room is about 4 inches deep in "stuff" and a terrible mess. Part of Susie's frustration is probably language ability; this child (and her parents) speak French and we don't speak French. What should I do? I am debating about options: (1) to just clean it up myself and not make a big deal of it, or (2) clean it up myself but tell the child she is not allowed to play at our house for x amount of time, or (3) to make the child participate in cleaning it up (no child could clean this on their own). The second issue is whether to tell her parents or not. I don't want to over-blow the issue nor just sweep it under the rug. The parents are very nice people and reasonable, but communication is a huge challenge because we don't speak each other's language. When I first saw the mess, I felt I had to "do" something, but this morning I'm inclined to just clean it up and be wiser about not letting them have unsupervised time. But Susie also needs to learn this is not acceptable. Suggestions?

I've always made it clear to my son (8 years old) and his friends that they are responsible for cleaning up the mess they make. I'll stand there and supervise and tell them where everything goes but they are the ones who actually clean it up. If they (my son and his friends) don't want to do it then there will be no further play dates for a long time.


If the mess that Susie made is so horrific that she can't do it herself, then help her out but Susie has to participate.


If you feel uncomfortable talking to the parents because of a language barrier then don't talk to the parents. There's nothing wrong with asking their child to help clean up the mess. I wouldn't have a problem if someone asked my son to help clean up the mess he contributed to at someone else's place.

Tell the parents and make her clean up. you can always word things in a way where you are on their side and not against them nor their child. And say how well she cleaned up or something once she's done.

As a parent I would want to knw that my child participated in cleaning his mess and open communication means I can warn my own child if they behave that way again at your house they will not be allowed to come. The child needs to know that her parents will be told and the adults are together.

Thanks all. When she came to play today, I made her help clean up. She acted very sorry and ashamed, so I don't think I need to tell her parents.

Frustrated or not....at six there is some control over emotions...maybe something going on at her house? That is quite a hissy fit. For what it's worth, I understand your dilemma.

I told the mom today. She was very concerned and thanked me for telling her. She told me her daughter had told her parents about the argument, but not about the temper fit.