Posted by
Totty
20 yrs ago
I have a 4 year old is just full of energy, cheeky and gorgeous with it.
However, i have had a few reports from her school telling me tht she's not doing as she should in class (not listening, being silly, playing around when she should be listening) and i don't know how to handle this (i'm also a teacher at the school).
Her class teachers don't go into too much detail apart from 'she was worse today'.
Today, she has been told she can't go have a playdate at her friends (which was planned) and she's currently sat in her bedroom.
Am i being too harsh? Do i need to seriously look at this? What can i do?
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Is she bored in class? Is she more advanced than her peers? Her behaviour is typical of a "smarter" kid in my classroom. I usually have a box of extra activities to accomodate their learning needs.
Or, how much of the food contains preservatives or chemicals? A recent study in Oz showed that when preservatives and chemicals were taken out of basic food e.g. bread, children behaved better in the classroom.
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It is often an attention thing she might be going through. When children want attention they do the kind of things your daughter does. It can also be that lack of correct dicipline at home means she simply does as she what she wants at school. The fact that you dont know what to do and have posted this thread may indicate that a method of dealing with her behaviour has never been applied and its taken the teachers at your own school to bring it to your attention. There are alot of books on discipline , and im not talking about being rough , its a psychological angle and a method of teaching children over a course of years the difference between right and wrong and nuturing an abilitity to empathise with others around them. These skills never come naturally and are taught by the parents. If you want some book names just give me a text , we have children also that are mischeavous and going through the same learning curve.
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Totty
20 yrs ago
Thingumy...i don't know whether to take offence to your reply.
Discipline is a BIG thing in our house and my kids are taught from a very young age what is acceptable and what isn't, so no worries with home discipline.
The fact is that she doesn't or chooses not to listen and i posted this thread as yesterday i didn't know whether i was being too harsh by punishing her for her behaviour. It appears that i wasn't and feel right in what i did as i feel it's important to make good on threats, particularly when it comes to misbehaviour.
We have had a talk and she has promised to try harder.
As i mentioned she's a cheeky, fun loving 4 year old who finds it hard to turn the 'playing the fool' button off at times. I also think it doesn't help with everyone telling her you don't listen, you don't listen.
So, i will go to school on Monday and ask for specifics of her behaviour, request that she sits in front of the teacher rather than on a chair at the back and in a last ditch effort if that doesn't help, move her to the other K2 class at school. But i thought as a teacher this was what teachers were meant to do, not the parents.
With regards to her food, she eats minimal wheat, diary and sugars as she has a slight intolerance to these.
And thanks Spockey, i did wonder if she was bored.
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I am having the same problem with my 4 year old son. I am getting little to no real information from his teacher but am hearing from other parents of his behavior! Mostly that he is unhappy in the class and is acting out. I would say to be an advocate for your child. You know her the best and it may be a situation where you need to step in to ensure your daughter is in the best environment for her abilities. Don't doubt yourself. You are clearly a loving and concerned parent. Your child's behavoir is not a reflection of you. Best of luck to you!
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Totty
20 yrs ago
Maligirl...what a doll you are!
It's funny you have your first child and they turn out absolutely perfect, no problems with them, they're considerate, independant, self disciplining, infact everything a parent would, and is, proud of, and then the second comes along who is sooooooooooooooooo different that you feel as though you are brand new to this parenting malarky.
I am, we are, a loving and concerned parent/family, as well as a strict one at times as i firmly believe that children are a reflection of their parents, but have begun to doubt myself and whether i do the right things for my second one, but when i hear gorgeous replies like yours Maligirl i KNOW i'm doing the right thing!
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@@
20 yrs ago
Oh Totty,
I can't believe your post - you just outlined my two children exactly!
I struggle every day with my youngest and she simply could care less if she is sent to her room, naughty chair etc.
One thing that does seem to help (sometimes) is my husband and I try to spend some one on one time with each of the children. The youngest does seem to need and want a little extra attention and does benefit from it.
Good Luck!
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Hi I am a kindy teacher and had my two year old in my class for the last three months. Well we put an end to that this month! He now stays home with our helper and his little brother and is MUCH happier.
Having taught a variety of ages, I would say your daughter is a creative and intelligent girl who probably values the social aspects of school more than the rest cause she isn't being stretched in the right way.
Gotta ask what the teacher is like......I think sooo much depends on the teacher. take my class now, apparently they were little terrors and uncontrollable before I came in to teach this group. They are only two afterall. Now the Chinese teachers are amazed cause they are so good at listening and doing what I ask ( mostly haha).
The teacher has to find the right motivation for each child!
Change class if you think the teacher in the other class is better.
I have been amazed at teh prejudice shown by teachers here to sertain kids and the really negative labelling of other kids. If your daughter has been labelled by the teacher as naughty it can be hard for her to change her teachers mind no matter how well she behaves.
My thoughts and I feel for you....
Definately not a sign of lack of discipline at home!
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hi gherron & mommies!
I have a 3 yo ger. We are relocating from SIN to HKG next week for 2 yrs. Can you advise which school shall I enrol my ger to? International Kindy or Local Kindy? Err... what level will my child be in? Nursery, K1 or K2 at this age? What language do the teachers communicate in local kindergarten?
My ger is very naughty and getting out of hand especially when outsiders or other playmates are around her. She is fond of pushing her friends and throwing things. And yes, she is my only child. My hb and I are strict with her and yet she misbehaves. Really at a loss to discipline my ger now. I am a SAHM.
I hope you can give me some advices. Appreciate loads!
Regards
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OMG shimmrs,
"fond of pushing her friends and throwing things"
Hope she gets better when she relocates here.
Good Luck!
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Totty
20 yrs ago
Ok, both hubby and i had a BIG chat with my 4 year old and this week she has been divine at school.
She is sitting at the front of the class in front of the teacher, rather than on a chair, and she has been more keen. She was promised a Little Pony if she was good at school and that's what she got this morning. Praise has also been heaped on her by her big sister, so little one is feeling very proud of herself.
And no it certainly wasn't through a lack of discipline at home.
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Hi Totty,
My second child is the same way when he needs attention or isn't challenged.I am a teacher too and think you are wise to use some positive reinforcement. Good for you. I think children, especially second children, learn to get your attention whether they use positive or negative means to do it. :)
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Dear Shimmrs, I have 3 kids and it sounds to me like your daughter is acting out to tell you how angry and scared she is about the upcoming move.I know this sounds backwards, but when my kids act out of character, i know they're hurting. if i scream and yell, it makes it worse. if i ask them why they're sad instead of saying they're bad, they tend to have a reason.
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Hi shimmers,
Your daughter would be going into K1. I work in an international kindergarten and I would have to say I prefer the western style of allowing children to learn through play than the Chinese style of rote learning information from a young age but not developing their curiosity and creativity and ability to process information that is different or unusual.
Your daughter sounds like a lot of kids I know, and as an only child she needs to learn that pushing and being forceful is appropraite social behaviour. I would have to ask what discipline you use....children don't need lectures, they need to know that right away there is a consequence for their behaviour. I use time out, I either put the child in time out until they are ready to play nicely, or I put the toy the children are fighting over in time out. This works if you are consistent firm and committed to making it work. You don't need to say a whole lot, just if you see a behaviour that your child knows is wrong take them straight to time out and tell them they can play again when they are able to be nice.
by three children absolutely know when they've done something against the household rules. Kids are usually worse if out because they think you will be too embarressed to busy to catch the behaviour and give them an appropriate punishment.
I use a corner of the play ground or a chair as a time out spot, doesn't matter what people think of you. You are raising the next generation of adult so if you'd like your daughter to have manners and an ability to get along well with others as an adult I'd advise teaching her now that she is not the boss.
Also talk about her feelings, but in my opinion sadness is not an excuse for violent behaviour from our kids. be firm, but when the punishment is over give her a big cuddle and let her know you are there for her and always will be.
totty glad your daughter is doing so well, I think giving her incentives is great. We use star charts and a lucky dip box once certain number of stars achieved.
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Totty
20 yrs ago
I think the most important thing is to let the children know that YOU are the boss and not the other way round. The latter is just so common in HK it's frustrating.
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