Son not eating his meals properly -advise please

I'm being 'challenged' by my 4 year old son to sit still and finish his meals. He would play with his food and only put them in his mouth when being 'reminded' that an adult has to sit next to him each meal. At times, he would spill them (especially soup) and claim that they are 'accidents'. I've tried giving him a time limit to finish his meal (30minutes, is that reasonable?)and set the timer and leave the dinner table hoping that he would finish the meal himself but he never finishes on time and doesn't seem to care whether he achieves this target or not. I've tried the 'reward' system where he would be given a 'star' sticker each time he finishes his meal by staying on the table but he doesn't really seem to care much of it.


Don't tell me to make meals 'interesting' for him as I'm already introducing different food or cooking method to 'interest' him and it does not seem to work too. I've also cut out his tea time snack so that he would be hungry and would finish dinner properly.


It's getting quite stressful for me and i'm sure to a certain extent to him as well as I can't always put up a happy face when he's not finishing his meals.


I don't want to give him unnecessary pressure but I don't think it's too much to except from a 4 year old to finish his meals by himself, is it? I'm not sure if my methods are right or wrong.


Any good advise would be greatly appreciated.

Good advice Cara, I have a 3 year old that only eats pasta and rice with butter on, Chicken nuggets and sometimes fishfingers!!! No fruit or veg, may try your idea to get her to something different!!

Interesting timing for this post as Asiaexpat's News and Features has a new link called "New Sensible Eating Rules For Kids".


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16709587/site/newsweek/

have you tried getting him to help make the food? Four year olds can peel veggies with a safety veggie peeler (especially those nice long carrots), they can also mix and mush dough - if you want to make dumplings or biscuits. they can crack eggs (crack into a smaller bowl and then fish out any bits and pieces of shells.)


I used to teach a cooking class for kids - and 3 year olds could participate and make stuff - and when they did - they would get so into it. My daughter is not quite 3, but she already peels veggies, mixes (her favorite is to mix), cracks eggs, peels hardboiled eggs, breaks up nuts for me (she has a toy hammer and I put the nuts in a bag and she bashes them up) mashes bananas for my muffins, washes rice, and even helps me make pastry. if they help make food, often they enjoy eating it.

Thank you all for your advise. Actually I am doing what cara and saikunga have suggested. I have stopped giving him any snacks during the day, just proper meals and I take away his meal if he doesn't finish them within the time allocated. Before he starts the meal, I will remind him that he has to finish it within the time frame and if he doesn't, it will be taken away as it's his choice not to finish it and he will not get anything until breakfast the next morning and he doesn't earn a 'star'. I also believe that he won't die of malnutrition for a short while.


We usually have dinner together as a family but even if hubby isn't home for dinner(kids usually eat earlier due to no tea time and hubby travels a lot for work), I will always sit with him on the table having a drink and be there with him. Helper is fully aware of the 'eating rules' and usually she will do her work in the kitchen and I am the one who will sit down with my . I always remind myself to stay calm but sometime I do lose my cool but now I will continue to stay firm and follow through all the suggestions.


Tried to get son involved in the cooking process but he is just not interested. I am just concerned that this will lead to bigger problems like self-motivation as he grows up. Are boys really harder to raise than girls?

I've had great success for two days (6 meals) since I spoke to my son infront of the helper about the eating rules going forward. Basically what I did was to tell my son that from now on, he would be given 30minutes to finish his meal and if he doesn't by then, the meal would be taken away from him and he will not be offered any food until the next meal. If he finishes a meal in time, he will be given a 'star' sticker and once he fills up the chart which consists of 20 stickers, he will be rewarded with something of his choice. It can be an outing or even a new toy. You should see his face when he was told. He definitely understood it and was even thinking about what I said(in a way it was cute I have to say).


So far, I've not had to 'struggle' with his meal time like I used to and he managed to finish his meals each time for the past two days in about 20minutes and was very happy when I gave him the sticker for him to put on the chart and he's counting the number of stickers he's getting. One might call it 'bribery' to offer him a reward but at least so far it's working well. He still needs to be 'reminded' like 2-3times throughout the meail but the words we use is like, "Opps, look like someone might not get his sticker" in a cheerful and he will scooping up very quickly. I just hope that by the time we hit the 20th sticker, he will no longer need the 21st sticker and will be able to eat well with or without 'reward.

I forgot to mention, he does not get any snack in between meals and I've swapped tea time with dinner. We have dinner early around 5pm and will ask if he wants a small snack around 7pm before he starts getting ready for bed. Snack will be in the form of either fruit or cereal with some homemade soya milk. Actually this change of meal order was suggested by a friend who does it this way and worked very well with her two boys and now it seems to work for mine as well.


I know it doesn't sound like a huge achievement but to me, it is definitely very encouraging and I will keep doing it this way. At least I don't feel so 'defeated' as before.

Saikunga, I don't quite understand your comment above. Do you mean that it's the wrong strategy to use ie. rewarding him for doing well. Please elaborate. Thanks.

Apologies, maybe I read too much into it :) I just want to make sure that I'm doing the 'right' thing. Saikunga has given me very useful advise in all my threads so I take her comments very seriously :)