Husband dos'nt like to discuss finances

Hi everyone,

I've been happily maried for sometime now, all is hunky dory between us except that my husband does'nt like to discuss finances even when I used to work, now I don't.We used to share all the bills, I used to be very clear about everything, but he just hates to broach the topic except for the basics.He tells me that I don't have to worry since he's there to take care of everything, thats all very nice but still I'd like to be in the picture. Not that he's hidding anything or giving it away to someone, its just that he won't tell me details, & every time I ask for details on expenditures, loans etc - we end up in a fight, and thats what I don't want. He always wants to show me a perfect picture, but thats unreralistic, we all know the pressures families have,we have kids, I know all the pressure is on him. I just want to know things as a partner. I feel so let down if I know he's lied about something. Should I just not think about it or is there a certain way to broach this topic without ending up in a fight.

Now that you no longer work, it's possible that you feel a bit useless. In order to "feel needed", you could ask your husband to be kind and understanding and "allow" you to take care of this small aspect of your relationship. This has nothing to do with checking up on him, or anything else which reflects on him, his character, his abilities, etc - it is purely for your sake, so you can feel valued and useful in your marriage.


That might work!


AussieFlower.

This has deeper ramifications - for you. If something were to happen to him, would you know about his will, life insurance, etc? Could you get access to his bank accounts or would you be penniless till things are sorted?


Money and financial planning can really be an emotional issue. The financial decisions have been left to your husband and he, like many men, feels his competence is being challenged. If hes makes bad decisions, he might consider himself a failure, because he has not been able to do his 'job' properly that is to provide for the long term financial security of his family. So this isn't really about finances, it runs deeper perhaps even to his childhood.


A excellent book - which I have recommended before - "Smart Women Finish Rich" by David Bach can help you to address this situation.