Adopted People Finding Birth Parents in HK

Hi, would anyone know where and how I would go about tracing my birth parents? I'm close to 30 in age and I know I'll be up against a lot of bureaucracy if I were to approach social services head-on as unlike the West, it's not accepted culturally for adopted people to trace their natural parents (I was adopted into an overseas-Chinese family and my dad never wanted to tell me but I found out by accident).


I'd really appreciate some tips and would like to hear from anyone who has been through a similar experience or is contemplating venturing down this path (tracing their birth parents).


Thanks.

Can't really answer your questions, just wanted to say be sure to think carefully about what you're doing, be prepared that you may find something you don't like.

I am adopted too, unlike you I have never wanted to find my 'natural'parents, they mean nothing to me. My parents are the ones who chose me and spent their life bringing me up and loving me, they're my true parents. You don't actually have to give birth to a child to be a parent.

I did my search through Social Services in Canada about 12 years ago.


I agree with cd that you need to really think about your reasons for doing this. IT can be an arduous, emotional task and you need to be ready for all possible outcomes.


Have you talked to your parents about this? DO they know that you want to do this? Will they help you? DO you have enough emotional support?


When I looked for mine, I had to write a letter of intent to present to Social Services before they would let me start, stating why I was looking, what I hoped to find out and what I would do with that information. It helped me to put it all in perspective and really clarify my reasons for wanting to find my birth parents.

Hi thanks cd/ tia. Yes, I've talked to my birth parents about this. They're fine and understand the curiosity side of it. I think there's an assumption that I would have some kind of a romantic attachment to finding my birth parents as opposed to me wanting to find them out of sheer curiosity. I totally agree with cd - I have no expectations/ emotional attachment to my 'natural' parents either but I'm curious to see what they look like and who they are - I don't think that should be confused with me thinking any less of my mum and dad!

Exactly. Mum and Dad are who raised you...not who gave birth to you. When I went looking, in my letter to the birthmum, I said that I did not want anything from her, that I needed to know medical history and other pertinent information about my biological family but that other than that, I was not interested in her as a mother. I have one mother, one father and they are the ones who have raised me.


The curiosity is natural. I have always been VERY curious. I did loads of reading about reunions/meetings before I made up my mind to do my search. Despite the things that have happened since meeting my bmum, I am not sorry I met her as it's helped me put my mind at rest in some ways.

Good luck. The trick I think is to try to have perfect equanimity: to be resilient enough to take whatever reality throws up at you, but vulnerable enough to be moved by the humanity of it. But it can be done. I did it and it really fixed a few things.


I wasn't adopted, but my parents had divorced when I was 2 after my mother ran away from him, with nothing. He had assaulted all of us and pretty much tried to kill her. To this day I hate being hit in the face (not good when you play rugby) and have an unnatural fear of knives. This was in the early 70s when divorce was still a huge social stigma We grew up in total poverty but managed to get through it, though not without scars. I had a yearning many times to discover one half of where I came from but turned back. A few years ago I realised the time was right and went ahead with it. I tracked him down. It was very difficult but worth it. But I could never tell the rest of my family and it will also remain a secret to them. They are older and have clearer memories, and they can't forgive him. But it was my right to meet him, and that's how I navigated the sensitivities.


Meeting him made me less scared, and more relaxed and empathetic. It also gave me a better sense of time and time passing. Before then I nevere really had a sense of future, but now i have a marker, out there in the distance ... my father.

afetr going through all of you guys story.i would love to share my opinion.yes its nice to find your biologigal parents.thats so sweet of boo or tia or blah blah..you guys never know why your parents given you away to someone..there must be difficulties with them ..such as poverty or too young to raie up the child..so we should think more positive then negative..what i wanted to say we should find biologial parent then treat them nice n introduce your self them m they will be very pleased..oh yeah we should not forgot our present parent..to be loved and being loved by someone is great..cheers

Of course, it is better to focus on the positives when searching for your birth parents. HOwever, it is necessary to be realistic. SOME meetings go very well and people have great relationships with both their birth families and families. Some go very badly or are never found, which can be painful if you really have your heart set on finding them.


I had the best intentions when I found my birthmother and I tried to be friends with her at all costs. However, in recent years, she has made it pretty clear that she is not interested in maintaining a relationship with me and that is fine.


My relationship with my mum and dad is good. They supported me whole heartedly when I went looking and I think that strengthened our bond as well. They have known every step of the process, every card, letter and phone call exchanged between myself and Birthmum. We know why she gave me up and many of my other questions have been answered.


And yes, being loved and loving are 2 wonderful things. I know that my birthmum loved me enough XX years ago to give me a better life than she could give me and my parents have loved me since then and have been great parents.