"Naughty" Miss Almost Four

Hi all. At my wit's end here and hoping for some advice, help, suggestions, prayers! My little one is almost four (end May). She is at kindy and loves it (bright and very sociable). The problem is that she strikes out if something isnt going her way. For example, if someone has a toy she wants, she will hit or scratch, or at the least, scream. This is not a learned behavior as she is not smacked, and although I do raise my voice only occassionally to her, this is not a regular practice in our home. She is loved, paid attention to, well fed, occassionally indulged. She is confident and really (promise!) a really sweet child. I say she is 90% angel and 10% pure evil. Today she tried to cut someone's hair at kindy, the other day she scratched. She particularly lashes out at the younger ones (smaller and 'weaker') and not particularly on the older ones. She isnt calculating so I just DONT GET IT! She is active, not the greatest of sleepers, in a basically good (but not strict) routine, stimulated but not too much, encouraged but not pushed.... What more can I tell you? I dont lose an opportunity to pick up on both good and 'bad' behaviour without making too much of a big deal about it (paticularly "bad" stuff is given heaps of attention tho). Have tried naughty step, giving and taking away of privlidges and toys. I maybe thought food additives? Lack of regular good sleep? Dad away a bit (but she is really happy at home). I have many "excuses" but not reasons. Anything guys? I'm about to pull my hair out! (BTW, no amah here so no conflicting rules).

hi there-


i have a girl the same age and thank god i'm not going through your troubles with her. saying that thought i DID go through similar things with my two boys at that age. on the first day of kindy my eldest son bit someone. and so it went on and on... lots of bashing and pushing and stuff. my second son came along and i hoped it would be different. it wasn't. he used to bite and punch etc.


this is a habit that she's got into. she will grow out of it but needs constant talking to. what i used to do with my kids is just watch them like hawks and jump in immediately it looked dodgy and seperate them. you need an understanding kindergarten teacher who will really watch your daughter carefully.


please let me reassure you that if you keep telling her that it is not appropriate behaviour you will change her behaviour. my sons are very gentle now actually. it's amazing the change in them and actually they're a lot better behaved than their counterparts generally.


in addition to watching her and talking to her, you could take a look at her diet. too much sugar could be causing this. perhaps you could try cutting back on certain things and test their effect? others may have more experience of this.


anyway- i hope i can reassure you a bit. remember that your angel is still your angel. keep loving and remember that it's a phase she's going through...


good luck!

Hi, Sounds like you love your daughter a lot. One thing you said stood out to me " this is not learned behaviour" Let me reassure you that it is NOT learned behaviour. Children instinctively know how to be aggressive and much of that depends on their personality. I teach a class of two year olds and discipline is very important in my classroom. And I also have two boys.

I would consider taking away something she treasures, a toy or tv time or something special everytime there is a report home from kindy of her hitting etc. Be strong, you have to be stronger and more firm than your child if you want her to believe that this is not appropriate behaviour.


Discipline is a very important part of loving your child, and she is old enough now to understand the consequences of hurting someone else.

Time out works for younger kids, but I would say your daughter sounds very smart and also very keen to get her own way so maybe putting her favourite toys in "time out" or throwing them away will teach her.

Dear zalca and mumof2boys, THANK YOU so much for your replies. Yes, doing the toy time out thing, a lot of talking, intercepting questionable behavior! I am worn out by it I must admit! My saving grace is that she is not a bad seed. She is really a superb little kid who just doesnt have the maturity (yet) to line up all her boxes. She is terribly bright but without maturity, well, the intelligence isnt put to good use at times! Kindy was better today - "just" throwing sand! (Groan). Zalca, my small one bit too - we have had that phase too! Thank God, literally, that that one went away quickly (two days). Even I got sick of hearing me lecture about biting!


Ladies, once again, thank you. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.....(sigh!).