I'm worried I have a drinking problem........

Because come 6pm at night I'm really looking forward to a glass of wine. I have a 1 year old and a 3 and a half year old. Hubby works late 9/10 nights so it's just me and the kids. Sometimes I have up to 4 drinks a night - does that mean I have a problem? I'm know when to stop and don't have a hangover every morning or anything like that but I do enjoy some me time when the kids are in bed. I haven't loads of friends here that I can visit so evenings are spent unwinding from the day.

sometimes i have a glass of wine (esp. if using for cooking) while getting dinner ready and have a glass or two during dinner with hubby.


sometimes if it's been a seriously long day and i'm ordering in curry for dinner or something, i might pour myself a glass and sit in front of the computer while waiting for dinner and hubby.


i would think if you have one drink or 2 a night after the kids are tucked in, that's pretty ok.


but i PERSONALLY (people might disagree) think 4 drinks a night alone at home on a regular basis....that doesn't sound too great.


this could be a sensitive topic and i'm just offering my own opinion, others might feel differently.

can you go without the drinks?

if you didn't have 4 drinks one night would that cause you some serious problems? Crankiness? moodiness? generally depression?

if i'm not mistaken, i think you will find that many,many expats will relate to your post. and i will read with interest what others have to say on this matter.


the recommended limit for women is 14 units per week. problem is, it's easy to pour a larger glass ... and it's difficult to keep a track of what you've had...


my feeling is that if your worrying about it, cut back a bit. :)

I don't think the amount matters...


What matters is that YOU are worried, and you also sound a bit lonely here in HK - which is completely understandable if you just moved here and have two kids - it can be hard to get out and meet people.


I think you should talk to someone, maybe a counselor, to see if they can help. This isn't about the drinking as much as it is about how YOU feel about you....


I am not sure if he is still in HK, but you could try:

David O'Rose - 9079 4770


He has traditional training, but then got into some alternative therapies. But he is a really down to earth guy and not 'intimidating' at all. There are also some adverts in HK Magazine for other counselors.


Good luck, and hang in there. I am not sure how long you have lived here, but it does take time to get settled and comfortable and meet people. Sometimes the babies/kids make it harder, other times easier as you can meet other mummy's through classes.

I had exactly the same question as Cara - do you hide it from your husband? My suggestion is to talk to him about it and your loneliness in a foreign country (perfectly understandable), as I get the feeling your family and close friends are not close by. Have you considered joining one of the mummy groups in the "playgroup" section? Many are based on nationalities perhaps you would feel more at home in HK mixing with people from your own country and make some good friends.

My cousin told me about talking with her doctor, and he told her that what mattered most was how she FELT about it. Was it something she could easily quit and not think about again, or was it something she was obsessed about all week? Was it something she felt dependent upon? In her case, she only drank on Saturday nights, but she thought about it and anticipated it all week. This was binge drinking, and it was alcoholism. I suggest try developing a new habit: exercise, dance to music even alone, read books, find something you enjoy that is relaxing and helps you unwind but is not related to drugs or alcohol. If you can go a month without drinking, you know the "issue" is one you can control, and always keep it one that you can control no questions asked. If you obsess about it or find you can't go a month, then there's a problem. If you find yourself not remembering the night before, losing friends, having social life revolving around alcohol, losing your temper, missing appointments, missing work, have trouble functioning until you've had a drink, developing physical symptoms such as hand tremors or nervousness when you don't drink, well these are clear signs of physical addiction that usually appear much later only after the alcoholism has progressed to the point where it is very difficult to overcome. And just to add a point, almost every alcoholic has some degree of denial. You will do yourself a favor if you remain honest and don't make excuses. Try the one month challenge! If you find that difficult, work really, really hard to find other outlets and sources for joy at night when you feel such a need for a lift. (Ha ha, buy some new lingerie and tell hubby to get home because you have serious needs for companionship! :-) )

Jimmyp - please talk to your husband about your feelings of loneliness. The very fact that you are concerned about your drinking rather than carrying on regardless is a good sign. You are questioning the situation rather than accepting it.


It sounds like alcohol is a 'filler' for you, for others it's food or even excercise.


I agree with talking to a councillor also, if only to put your mind at rest.


My mother was an alcoholic and I have at times questioned my own drinking habits. At times of stress or loneliness we all need something to help get through the day but it is making healthy choices that is most important.


Good luck.